Venting This sucks (Can anyone else relate?)

[Squiddy]

So my mom's birthday is tomorrow and I wanted to give her her card early so I said that I have a letter for her and she kept on asking me what it was so I told her eventually her birthday letter and she thought that I was giving her a suicide letter and began to worry and told me that she worries about me. All I want to do is ctb because I feel incompetent, have a difficult time articulating myself and have many mental illnesses and I can't because it would destroy her, my dad and basically my entire family. Can anyone else relate?

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry. :( I want to ctb , but for other reasons. But I can relate if you mean people are worried. They worry about me I know, but I'm going to ctb soon. :(

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

You gotta do what is right for you, you're the one living your life and everyone is destined to die. I totally relate to your situation in some aspects and i've written letters/ emails to people explaining why I CTB. It's weird for me as my family said it would destroy them but they are the reason for a lot of my traumas so it's complex. I hope you she likes her card and letter. I hope you can find peace with your decision.

 

[Oyoy]

I totally relate.

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

I know how you feel. Me and my mom are each other's family. I've postponed my ctb a lot of times because of her. And when I tried before, she was a wreck for days. It really hurt to see her like that, even more knowing it was because of me.

 

[miguel6565]

If this can help my mum once sneak while i was sleep and read the start of my first suicide note,started crying,is so hard to ctb while knowing this but i do what i gotta do,love and peace

 

[Skylight]

I can relate very well. My brain is mush from my mental illnesses. I want out, but it would deeply hurt my parents. So while I wait for my method to arrive I don't know when I will CTB.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I can relate too.

 

[madbananas]

I can relate and I'm sorry you're going through this. My household has been havoc continuously because of my depression/effects of ongoing trauma since I was about 9 years old. My dad died when I was 18 and although it was cancer I get paranoid that I stressed him to death. I made the last of his life hell until the very last year when things got temporarily better for me. Now my mum goes through hell with me. We are basically codependent and she said she doesn't want me to die because she loves me. I feel awful about it because she doesn't understand that I feel trapped in this life. And most recently my mental health has let me down again and I've basically lost everything so she is having to take time off work as an informal suicide watch for me. I'm now I'm my mid 20s and truly now see no other way out.