Discussion This probably is a common sentiment here

[whatevs]

Ever felt like you are alive only because people that are strong and healthy are propping yourself up? That you are actually slipping away from vitality and life, but people that appreciate you are there to prevent the fall? And that fall, would happen quickly without them? I feel like I am being artificially kept alive by those that actually are living and have surplus strength for me. I couldn't survive with less support, but it's common to hear of people that reinvent themselves and start over without much financial or social support.

It's because these people have the only wealth that matters: physical health. Physical health comes always first, then companionship/mental health, then finances. When I had a less worked-with psyche but robust physical health life was possible, now with a more mature and compassionate mind but a struggling body life is minimized and felt as barely valuable.

Physical health reigns supreme and nobody can survive without food, water, most organs or sleep, but you can survive somewhat with mental distress.

Going further back in time, I find that there were a couple of instances where I would/should have died. In harsher times, when natural selection was more in effect, appendicitis, that illness I had as a child, perhaps the surgical procedure for phimosis, or the two operations I had for testicular torsion, or my whimsical swim toward a mystery note as a fantastical child that almost ended in drowning (it was just a grocery store list, the banality...).

I've been artificially kept alive. I might not be strong or healthy enough to actually live, on my own, reliant on my own forces. What's worse, I might have never been, but certainly not now.

When an old ex-friend knew of me on Fakebook years ago, her first response hid much unfiltered truth, in my opinion. Her first response to me was 'Wow, so you are still alive?". I know many have ascribed this to a trivial and mundane formula of greeting someone you haven't seen in a long time, and that seemingly also just cut contact with you which creates some hostility, but I don't know. I felt like she was just saying the truth. "You? Still alive? I'd be more apt to believe that you had already killed yourself by now."

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've only made it this far because selection pressure was rendered a moot factor in the time and place I happened be born in. As it stands, I am completely dependent on my family, without whom I wouldn't have much of anything.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm actually very issolated- all my friends and family live miles away. Fortunately, I am in reasonable physical health. I did have gallstones once though and for part of it, I was alone and really scared. I was lucky that my parents came over for a couple of operations- you needed someone with you following the anaesthetic. Still, it made me wonder what people do when they truly have no one they can ask.

I think we sort of wishfully think we would just die off in peace if we were alone. I delayed looking for help the first few attacks because I thought I was actually going to die. Sadly though, I don't think all illnesses dispense with us that quickly. I'd eventually went for some tests and scans but they hadn't found the cause. By the 13th attack, the pain wasn't subsiding after 3 days and I couldn't take it anymore. Irony is- that one would have eventually killed me I suspect- a stone and sludge (yuck- sorry!) was blocking the bile duct. Still, God knows how long it would have taken.

I'm more in the boat of feeling obliged to stay because it would upset my Dad too much if I went. Yet at the same time (and I hate to say it because I do love him), he doesn't really help with how I feel (although he doesn't know the full extent of it.) In fact, most of the time I think he's just sick of all the negativity. It's so difficult living for others- whether they are very suportive or not. I'm sorry.