Venting This place is kinda useless

[PressEnterToExit]

After many years here I feel like this is totally useless. I haven't met anyone to talk to and haven't found an appropriate way to ctb I even hate using that expression now. I don't understand why is so difficult to fucking die it looks like you need a degree of medicine or something wtf
I can't be on Earth anymore my patience is totally gone. I live in a small town and it feels like fucking hell. In my neighborhood there is like a fucking cult of old people who meet in my street to talk from 7 in the morning till 10pm. And they're always gossiping about me I hear them clearly. There are so many reasons why I want to die obviously that's not the reason, but it feels so suffocating

 

[Mofreeko]

K.

 

[Deadweight]

If it's your environment and it's making you so miserable you could kill yourself, I would just walk/drive away. Fucking roam. That's what I would do if I didn't have a kid. See some shit and meet weird people on the road. One day I might do that. You're down to suicide, what's keeping you anchored there

 

[martinso67]

Its because its under pressure from pro life people and the authorities.

 

[PressEnterToExit]

...I'd like to talk to someone with similar problems. I have problems of all kind actually, someone intelligent

If it's your environment and it's making you so miserable you could kill yourself, I would just walk/drive away. Fucking roam. That's what I would do if I didn't have a kid. See some shit and meet weird people on the road. One day I might do that. You're down to suicide, what's keeping you anchored there

Because I just dunno how to suicide appropriately. The main reason I wanna die is because I consider myself non binary which is an expression I don't like but it's the best thing to describe it. On the other side, I could be happy in a nice environment but I am poor. That thing you say about taking the road, well that's something I did for many years I lived in many places,met lots of weird people.. and it didn't work. Is just reassured me more in the idea of dying. But it was fun in some way I guess... When you can experience life from you real being I guess it's better maybe if you do that someday, for you it's better.

 

[madiroze]

After many years here I feel like this is totally useless. I haven't met anyone to talk to and haven't found an appropriate way to ctb I even hate using that expression now. I don't understand why is so difficult to fucking die it looks like you need a degree of medicine or something wtf
I can't be on Earth anymore my patience is totally gone. I live in a small town and it feels like fucking hell. In my neighborhood there is like a fucking cult of old people who meet in my street to talk from 7 in the morning till 10pm. And they're always gossiping about me I hear them clearly. There are so many reasons why I want to die obviously that's not the reason, but it feels so suffocating

This place is the only refuge I have to be my authentic self and have others confide in me as their authentic selves so with respect, I would have to disagree with "this place being kinda useless".

As for living in a small town, God it's awful! I lived in a small town of 2000 residents (mostly elderly folk) in rural Alberta for a year when I was with my ex boyfriend and I literally went insane. It is so gravely quiet, everyone knows your business and the only way to cope with life is by becoming an Alcoholic and watching endless amounts of TV. There is nothing to do and zero job opportunities. This small town grim reality is then compounded in the Winter when you barely see anyone for days on end and your apartment turns from four walls into a death trap of hopelessness.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Its because its under pressure from pro life people and the authorities.

It's?? What is "it" referring to?? Seems like a post may have been deleted or something.. as this reply makes no sense

 

[Idontmatter]

If you need someone to talk to I'm always available.

 

[leeloosnow]

This place is the only refuge I have to be my authentic self and have others confide in me as their authentic selves so with respect, I would have to disagree with "this place being kinda useless".

As for living in a small town, God it's awful! I lived in a small town of 2000 residents (mostly elderly folk) in rural Alberta for a year when I was with my ex boyfriend and I literally went insane. It is so gravely quiet, everyone knows your business and the only way to cope with life is by becoming an Alcoholic and watching endless amounts of TV. There is nothing to do and zero job opportunities. This small town grim reality is then compounded in the Winter when you barely see anyone for days on end and your apartment turns from four walls into a death trap of hopelessness.

sounds unfortunately similar to my situation

 

[Hollowman]

What do they say about you?

 

[PressEnterToExit]

sounds unfortunately similar to my situation

What situation you have?

What do they say about you?

They're fucking crazy. I live in a building it's a good neighbourhood of mid/low class people. The smells and sounds in my building come and go around easily. The main source of gossiping is the flat under mine, there live a couple in their 50-60's, they're always spying me and then tell to the rest and the rest to the whole town. They talk about things like when I use solar protector, because people in my town specially men don't use it in winter time. They talk about anything... Since I'm a young guy who is always locked, it looks like they're very interested in every single thing I do. They're very scary

 

[leeloosnow]

i'm cynical, skeptical, rational type person that lives and works in a rural religious small town with zero opportunity that's full of seniors. not that there's anything wrong with seniors, i love my older friends, but it's a reality check that life's chances diminish as it trudges along. that and i'm really involved with the lack of and unfair support seniors who have been really good and relatively lucky people have it. i am glad i could offer a little bit of help, but that's very taxing and frustrating and esp thru covid my own mental health and situation has steadily kept getting worse.
that's pretty much what we do, sit here and watch tv, i'll drink myself to sleep (or stupor, whichever comes first) in the evenings but i've quit that as i feel it's too much of an influence on my mindset and plans when it comes to ctb.

 

[lifeORdeath]

It's?? What is "it" referring to?? Seems like a post may have been deleted or something.. as this reply makes no sense

I think it's is referring to the site..
Being under pressure meaning less people talking about things

 

[👁️👃👁️]

@Hollowillow

 

[madiroze]

sounds unfortunately similar to my situation

I'm sorry to hear that. Life is tough enough without having to deal with the everyday hell of small town living.

 

[PressEnterToExit]

Well I smoke weed.. I tried many things before being sure about the fact of dying. I stopped weed,I went to the gym, met guys, ate healthy, enjoyed spending time reading and drawing when I wasn't smoking... But, nothing really makes me happy. My environment is not good and I can't deal with working it just makes me mad human interactions...

 

[madiroze]

What situation you have?

They're fucking crazy. I live in a building it's a good neighbourhood of mid/low class people. The smells and sounds in my building come and go around easily. The main source of gossiping is the flat under mine, there live a couple in their 50-60's, they're always spying me and then tell to the rest and the rest to the whole town. They talk about things like when I use solar protector, because people in my town specially men don't use it in winter time. They talk about anything... Since I'm a young guy who is always locked, it looks like they're very interested in every single thing I do. They're very scary

Unfortunately, nosey neighbours tend to be suspicious of any guy under 50 who has no kids, lives on his own and keeps to himself. I have no idea why this is.

 

[PressEnterToExit]

Unfortunately, nosey neighbours tend to be suspicious of any guy under 50 who has no kids, lives on his own and keeps to himself. I have no idea why this is.

I think they are people who have spent their lifes watching TV so their brain must be a ball of shit

 

[madiroze]

I think they are people who have spent their lifes watching TV so their brain must be a ball of shit

Also they're of that generation where men settled down in their 20s and had kids. It seems weird to them a man would choose to be alone so they automatically assume something must be wrong with him.

 

[PressEnterToExit]

Also they're of that generation where men settled down in their 20s and had kids. It seems weird to them a man would choose to be alone so they automatically assume something must be wrong with him.

Yeah old people use think the worst things usually their mind works like that

 

[leeloosnow]

some of the dementia seniors i knew well would really fixate on anything or anyone to give them a little sense of relief of their own minds and bodies falling apart. it got so repetative- and i don't doubt there's some bits of veracity to the whole thing, but it becomes an excessive point of conversation that i had to learn to quickly change convo directions to help them maintain healthier relationships overall.
def not the cause every time, some ppl just suck and kick down at others. but i have noticed that gossipy sorta thing A LOT with especially alzheimers ppl.
guess thats one situation that my artisan ability of deflection came in handy

 

[PressEnterToExit]

some of the dementia seniors i knew well would really fixate on anything or anyone to give them a little sense of relief of their own minds and bodies falling apart. it got so repetative- and i don't doubt there's some bits of veracity to the whole thing, but it becomes an excessive point of conversation that i had to learn to quickly change convo directions to help them maintain healthier relationships overall.
def not the cause every time, some ppl just suck and kick down at others. but i have noticed that gossipy sorta thing A LOT with especially alzheimers ppl.
guess thats one situation that my artisan ability of deflection came in handy

Yeah I think they need to fix on stupid things but it's not about Alzheimer. It's about you didn't take the time or maybe you didn't have the opportunity of being a cultured person. Most gossiping people I know are empty people it doesn't matter how old they are or their health condition. But they just don't have an inner world, they are like children without a well formed personality. They don't know how to enjoy and relaxed reading a book,listening to good music or watching good films. Most humans are like this at least the ones I know and I have known people from many places and in many different positions in life.
They don't know what is having true inner peace. And they spend their time broken other's peace. Even at an unconscious level, when someone empty detects energy from a genuine being, they start to suck their energy conscius or unconsciously

 

[FuneralCry]

This place is only useful for finding ways to be gone. Apart from that it certainly is purposeless, there is nothing to be gained from it and like everything else in life it's pointless.
I hate the fact that ctb is so unnecessarily difficult and complicated, in an ideal world peaceful methods would be more easily accessible and there would be no suicide websites, they wouldn't be needed. Escaping from all of life's endless misery would be ideal yet so many people still view suicide as being worse than suffering and that is the problem. This world can certainly be nightmarish and a lot of the time other people just make things worse. Only death can bring freedom.

 

[makethepainstop]

After many years here I feel like this is totally useless. I haven't met anyone to talk to and haven't found an appropriate way to ctb I even hate using that expression now. I don't understand why is so difficult to fucking die it looks like you need a degree of medicine or something wtf
I can't be on Earth anymore my patience is totally gone. I live in a small town and it feels like fucking hell. In my neighborhood there is like a fucking cult of old people who meet in my street to talk from 7 in the morning till 10pm. And they're always gossiping about me I hear them clearly. There are so many reasons why I want to die obviously that's not the reason, but it feels so suffocating

You can always talk to us here. I do understand about the small town thing. Once in college in a small southern town a cousin said in a voice of triumph to me "Your car car was seen at lake x!" My response was, "That's because I WAS there!" Yep small towns with gossiping tongues can he annoying!

 

[theboy]

so what are you doing here

 

[PressEnterToExit]

so what are you doing here

I still come back every now and then with the hope of finding something interesting

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Have you ever approached these people and tried really talking to them so they can get to know you for the person that you are, and not some mystery cloaked in a riddle? It seems like you position yourself as a mystery to them, so that in and of itself invites rumor and innuendo, not that I'm saying that's right or anything, but just is. I feel there is plenty of information on this site, some of it shared ad- nauseum. I feel if you can't find the info you're looking for, you're either a) not serious, or b) not looking very hard, or c) too picky. What are you looking for? There is literally Terra-bytes, or more, of info on this site covering just about any conceivable way someone might want to ctb, some methods, obviously, better than others. Someone usually only gets out of something what they put into it. Maybe you really don't want to off yourself, or aren't ready. There's nothing wrong with that. I agree with the other poster that if you don't like where you are, then move. Make it happen and move. Do whatever it takes to remove yourself from the toxic environment to a place where you can thrive, and where your essence isn't being smothered and crushed on a daily basis. Just my two cents. it is not my intent to diminish your situation. I can relate (a little) to your story. In the end you're still in charge of you. No one else is. You can do whatever you need and want to do, but it is you that has to do it. Doors may present themselves, but it is still you that has to walk through them. Most of the time it is only us that holds us back.