Unattainable666
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2023
- 1,346
I understand, I've been through identical mistreatment and it hurts so much to know how they hurt you.
It is a disease that is the human nature. To attack someone, or something perceived as weaker and more vulnerable. Its why people blame victims when something happens. Its why people who been through bullying are picked out and victimized throughout their life.
They feel powerful because they are able to hurt you. Its never been about who you are. Being blonde and blue eyed would of given the same result. There is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't internalize what these old hags say about you. If you held an identical life to them, but still expressed any form of weakness it would of been the same result. Also, you can't be so sure this is the life they live. What they portray online is likely only a warped perception of their actual life. If even that.
To inflict pain on someone, whether it be physical or emotional provides them a positive emotional in return. They feel good knowing they made you feel bad. They don't need a reason. You did nothing to deserve such treatment.
I went through extreme bullying throughout my life just like you have, all be it I'm younger than you. I'm twenty three.
I was sexually assaulted by my bullies. He forced his hands in my bra and pants in the middle of the highschool hallway, I was a freshman and he was a senior. I tried to push him off but I was too weak. It was in public, with so many people watching. They all just stared, even the teacher by the classroom door. He screamed in my face and called me a whore for saying I wasn't interested. He took it as an attack that an "ugly bitch" would say no to him. I just turned thirteen.
He shoved me against the wall and I fell, I was skinny and small. The teacher called me a whore, snickering with other students, and told me to get my ass to class. People do not realize how often this behavior is not only supported, but encouraged by teachers. Teachers always side with the abusers, because people gravitate to those who hurt others.
I was sexually assaulted by my bullies. He forced his hands in my bra and pants in the middle of the highschool hallway, I was a freshman and he was a senior. I tried to push him off but I was too weak. It was in public, with so many people watching. They all just stared, even the teacher by the classroom door. He screamed in my face and called me a whore for saying I wasn't interested. He took it as an attack that an "ugly bitch" would say no to him. I just turned thirteen.
He shoved me against the wall and I fell, I was skinny and small. The teacher called me a whore, snickering with other students, and told me to get my ass to class. People do not realize how often this behavior is not only supported, but encouraged by teachers. Teachers always side with the abusers, because people gravitate to those who hurt others.
Its not your appearance when it comes to bullying. You could be average, beautiful, and hideous. It is all the same. Its whether or not they can hurt you without repercussions. Being beautiful means you have more innate social value for evil people. If you are an target, it doesn't matter your color or your shape you will be shot at.
I watched as each and every time in different communities they say suicide is wrong, that its so horrible that someone is brought to such a thing. But, then intentionally torture someone emotionally, and physically. They'll blame the victim, and then when the victim dies they were suddenly the victim's friend and are an advocate again. Double dipping on the social currency they get from both being a perpetrator and a victim.
You are not alone.
What to do to find a partner:
Abandon that account and make a new one. Don't post pictures of your real face anywhere, your privacy is key to make sure no one has power over you like that again. Don't let them find you again. They'll try to ruin your life and are probably trying to intentionally kill you.
Find communities where you do fit in. Hobbies you enjoy can help guide you to communities of similar interest. You will find your lover there. Before he is a husband or lover, he has to be a friend. Both of you will have something in common before even stepping into a relationship through this. This activity can bleed into other activities. You two will spend more time together gradually. Being a friend skips the process of dating. Its less awkward, and healthier to build that connection. He'll start flirting, talking to you about his personal life and you can do the same. Be receptive, and make it obvious you like him.
Tell him hes handsome, and you love his personality and looks. Do this in a friendly way as if it were a casual compliment. Read him, and see his perception. Half the work was already done by having the same hobbies and getting to know each other as people. Now, its about building those romantic steps. A relationship isn't much different than a friendship. Romance has the extra layer of intercourse, living together, finance and more. Its foundation is still being as close to someone as if they were a best friend. Your partner is your best friend.
Either of you can confess when its time to move to the next step. You can find happiness. You deserve it.
iusedtobehappy
Experienced
- Dec 2, 2023
- 211
Can I just say if you decide to stay, when it does happen for you, love, it will probably be forever. The woman who said you're better off probably has some dirtbag cheating husband and drinks by 3 every afternoon after picking the kids up from school. She doesn't sound happy. The "get over it" almost sounds like jealousy because you are single and have your life ahead of you, not in some deadend relationship. Seriously, you have to learn to read between the lines. You are fine. You might be a little shy. Guys are probably checking you out more than you think they are but they might think you are unapproachable. If you're looking for a relationship and you see a guy you might be into, just smile at him, hold your gaze and if he looks away, he looks away. Someday, somebody won't look away.
FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,602
@iusedtobehappy only rescently I have noticed the women who pretty much dismiss me over my sadness for being single are actually miserable or do not see value in their own relationships. It took me a while to realise this
I posed on a reddit sub community r/twoxchromosomes about my persistent sadness over being single while seeing other women i grew up with getting married and being successful with men.
None of the thousands of women who were active on that sub didn't even respond to my posts but whenever a woman posts about how awful, lazy or useless or an arsehole her boyfriend or husband is it gets over a thousand likes and so many responses along with support. Another time I posted about how I can't cope anymore with the years of make rejection I have experienced. The women on the sub pretty much looked down upon me for wanting a loving relationship with a man and told me how being single woman is cool.
99% of threads posted on there is full of women complaining all the time about their partners.
It's supposed to be a space for women to talk about their issues effecting women but everyone talks about their men and complains about their men
FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,602
@ForsakenDial I absolutely loved this post it was so enjoyable to read and it actually cheered me up. Thanks
As a teenager I experienced misogynistic and racial bullying and harassment from actaully males of my own racial group(black). This is why at 26 I have deep insecurities over my appearance and body.The black boys in my class constantly made fun of the black girls appearance and made our lives pure hell but they were always nice to the white girls and pursued them. Throughout my life I have constantly heard other black people talk about how black women and girls have "attitude" and how white girls and women are "easy" to have relationships with.
As a result of my I hated having brown skin, black hair and brown eyes because I felt these features made me the target of all the bullying and harassment as well as rejection from men. When I saw the girls with blonde hair getting love and attention I saw having blonde hair as symbol of beauty and gaining love and approval from men.
I live in a multicultural city and men of my race constantly pursue white or other non black races. One of the worst things of being a black woman and the dating market is being seen as not pretty by men because we don't fit in with eurocentric standards of beauty. I have the confidence to talk to men and people but I am always overlooked. All my life I have ever known.
You are lovely person, you deserved so much better.
Love
FireFox :)
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My experience has been identical. I'm black too, all be it American. Men do that in America too. I've seen with my own eyes how they treat white woman better. One girl even came with a Confederate flag to school, and the black guys sided with her because she was white and blonde. It was insanity inducing to see this girl say this confederate flag is the flag of white people. And no one other than I questioned her on it. If anything, black guys sided with her.@ForsakenDial I absolutely loved this post it was so enjoyable to read and it actually cheered me up. Thanks
As a teenager I experienced misogynistic and racial bullying and harassment from actaully males of my own racial group(black). This is why at 26 I have deep insecurities over my appearance and body.The black boys in my class constantly made fun of the black girls appearance and made our lives pure hell but they were always nice to the white girls and pursued them. Throughout my life I have constantly heard other black people talk about how black women and girls have "attitude" and how white girls and women are "easy" to have relationships with.
As a result of my I hated having brown skin, black hair and brown eyes because I felt these features made me the target of all the bullying and harassment as well as rejection from men. When I saw the girls with blonde hair getting love and attention I saw having blonde hair as symbol of beauty and gaining love and approval from men.
I live in a multicultural city and men of my race constantly pursue white or other non black races. One of the worst things of being a black woman and the dating market is being seen as not pretty by men because we don't fit in with eurocentric standards of beauty. I have the confidence to talk to men and people but I am always overlooked. All my life I have ever known.
You are lovely person, you deserved so much better.
Love
FireFox :)
Being black was the excuse they used. But, have you ever seen these same people attack those who can fight back?
Have you seen those same black guys attack and bully black guys their own size? Or black girls who had brothers who can and would defend them?
Ever notice when those guys insult others they look to their peers for approval each time? It was never about your appearance. It was about stepping on you to garner social credit from their friends.
I have a post on this forum about how a group of black men attacked me for having an afro, yet all them had afro hair too. My hair was unacceptable, but they had tapper fades leading up to unkempt sponged on the top of their heads? It was okay for them to have that hair, but even if I take care of my large afro every morning I'm worthy of attack? I hadn't said anything to them, neither looked at them before this point. I was getting a muffin, and was waiting in line like everyone else. They were at a nearby table, and pointed me out because I was alone. Its always a group. They are never alone when they do this.
This kind of person attacks innocents for the approval of others.
They don't actually care about white woman. A woman wrapped around his arm is no different than a purse around hers. She is an accessory. No different than a pair of new nikes.
You was likely considered physically and mentally weak because you didn't relish physical and verbal violence. So, thus, a target.
They want to simply use a woman for temporary sexual gratification and social points before throwing her away. Once they throw her away, shes considered a whore and used. They constructed a system to where its considered morally acceptable for a man to use as many woman as he likes, and all the woman mislead are to blame. No one should blame anyone for being hurt. But black men agreed with society that black woman deserved it. Even though we accomplish more than our black male counterparts in both education and wages.
This happens in white schools to white girls too. This happens to white men. Its about who is vulnerable. The violence is more verbal and social in those schools. Lying, intentionally ruining reputations, and other manifestations. These same white woman who are considered the beauty standard are attacked too. They accuse them of being zoophiles, whores, inbred, easy, and a plethora of other insults without any evidence. Just like they make the assumption you are either sassy, aggressive, and every other insult for black woman.
In the general dating market this mindset is also taken. White woman are seen as submissive. Asian woman are seen as submissive. Plenty of woman wouldn't mind a traditional relationship. Black woman included. But these men don't want that. They want to hurt woman. They want to a woman who will accept mistreatment. If those men are judging you based on your race and looks alone, you shouldn't internalize it. These are not men you want to be with in the first place.
Find some online communities. Ones not revolving around beauty and relationships. People make long lasting relationships in hobbiest communities, art communities, anything regarding interest that appeals to people less interested in the superificial. Superificial places give superificial prizes and that is nothing something you should hurt yourself for. Let your skill, and your personality speak for you. People will not overlook you there. You are beautiful, inside and outside. It was never, ever, about how you looked.
You did not deserve to be mistreated to the point of considering suicide. There is no need to say thank you, because you always deserved some form of comfort. It was the least someone, anyone, could provide you. Many of us on this forum know your pain, its why we have to be there for each other. No matter the race or gender here, no one else will.
FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,602
@ForsakenDial Virtual hug and sending lots of love to you
Rescently my family and I were catching up with a family friend. She is a dark skinned Caribbean woman. Her sons work in professional careers and are very successful men. Both her sons are dating white women. She said to my mum "I teach my kids not to be racist and prejudiced but thank goodness he didn't bring a girl from my country ( Jamaica)." And went on to say how Jamaican women are difficult. My mum was agreeing with her while my African grandmother said that women from her home country went to say that they are also difficult too.
I said to my family black men are not innocent either and pointed out black men (NOT ALL)like white women because they are more "easier to control" as a black woman will not put up with a black man's behaviour when he is in the wrong. Growing up I noticed whenever a black boy or man got a white girlfriend they kept behaving as if they have won the lottery. I found it distrubing to witness at times because a woman is a human being and NOT a prized possession.
One thing I don't like about being a black women is how our men and other women too openly disrespect us and don't value our beauty. It's the reason why I have major issues with the body features I have. It's crazy but I love my low weight anoxeric body because it is the only thing I can control. I can't get rid of my brown skim, dark eyes and black hair but I can control how thin I am, how much I eat and the laxatives I abuse.
I think it's really best to be careful about where and who you open up to about mental illnesses. Some people are hateful and will not understand and just think you're a whiny person who should just "get over it" or a weak person or weird or whatever. They don't know what they're talking about. If they were in our situations they wouldn't be saying the things that they do. They don't understand and they're ignorant. That's all there is too it. Telling everyone you meet online or in person about your mental problems is a recipe for disaster unfortunately and I've learned this lesson personally before through the years.
EvisceratedJester
|| What Else Could I Be But a Jester ||
- Oct 21, 2023
- 2,831
It doesn't sound like the Canadian woman was trying to be rude. It seems like she was trying to be nice to you. Plus, you don't know her. For all you know her life could have been horrible growing up and she was saying telling you that based on her own experiences.
With that in mind, the others comments do seem to be incredibly rude and dismissive and I'm sorry that those women were being so rude to you.
I understand that it sucks that guys kept on rejecting you throughout secondary school and that black boys and men have been both misogynistic and racist towards you, but it's important to understand that those behaviours aren't reflections of your self-worth or attractiveness. You could be the most woman beautiful out there, somebody so beautiful that you look straight out of a painting and those black boys would still reject you just because you are black. Their rejection of you is a reflection of their own self-hatred and internalized racism.
A lot of black boys and men (not all, but a lot, sadly) especially from the West, project a lot of their issues on to black women, especially brown and dark skinned black women. These same men will also get offended when black women date outside their race. I remember my mom even talking about a video where a black is harrassing a black woman for having a white partner while his white girlfriend cheered him on from the sideline.
To add on to that, some white women also only get with black men for fetishistic reasons. There are a lot of cases of black men willingly putting up with racism from both their white partner and their family just because of their internalized hatred for their race. Meanwhile, their partner has no respect for them and in some cases is only using them.
You aren't ugly and you especially aren't ugly for being black. Having blonde hair and blue eyes doesn't make someone beautiful. It doesn't mean anything. Most of the women I've ever felt attracted to don't even have those features. My mom doesn't have those features and she used to get hit on a lot. Back in elementary school, when my friends saw her for the first time, their immediate reaction was to tell me how beautiful she was. My mom is black (well, part black but most white people from my country only see her as black).
You shouldn't bother with men who project their insecurities and issues on to you. Their opinions on you don't mean shit.
Rejection sucks but you shouldn't take it as a reflection of your self worth. There are plenty of people who don't even start going into relationships until later in life anyways. There are also a lot of people who go into them and end up feeling even more miserable than before. This is especially the case for women.
You've already been hit on before, even if was by a man who was already married, so I'd imagine you must be more attractive then you are giving yourself credit for. You'll probably find someone, even if it doesn't seem to be case at this moment.
With that in mind, the others comments do seem to be incredibly rude and dismissive and I'm sorry that those women were being so rude to you.
I understand that it sucks that guys kept on rejecting you throughout secondary school and that black boys and men have been both misogynistic and racist towards you, but it's important to understand that those behaviours aren't reflections of your self-worth or attractiveness. You could be the most woman beautiful out there, somebody so beautiful that you look straight out of a painting and those black boys would still reject you just because you are black. Their rejection of you is a reflection of their own self-hatred and internalized racism.
A lot of black boys and men (not all, but a lot, sadly) especially from the West, project a lot of their issues on to black women, especially brown and dark skinned black women. These same men will also get offended when black women date outside their race. I remember my mom even talking about a video where a black is harrassing a black woman for having a white partner while his white girlfriend cheered him on from the sideline.
To add on to that, some white women also only get with black men for fetishistic reasons. There are a lot of cases of black men willingly putting up with racism from both their white partner and their family just because of their internalized hatred for their race. Meanwhile, their partner has no respect for them and in some cases is only using them.
You aren't ugly and you especially aren't ugly for being black. Having blonde hair and blue eyes doesn't make someone beautiful. It doesn't mean anything. Most of the women I've ever felt attracted to don't even have those features. My mom doesn't have those features and she used to get hit on a lot. Back in elementary school, when my friends saw her for the first time, their immediate reaction was to tell me how beautiful she was. My mom is black (well, part black but most white people from my country only see her as black).
You shouldn't bother with men who project their insecurities and issues on to you. Their opinions on you don't mean shit.
Rejection sucks but you shouldn't take it as a reflection of your self worth. There are plenty of people who don't even start going into relationships until later in life anyways. There are also a lot of people who go into them and end up feeling even more miserable than before. This is especially the case for women.
You've already been hit on before, even if was by a man who was already married, so I'd imagine you must be more attractive then you are giving yourself credit for. You'll probably find someone, even if it doesn't seem to be case at this moment.
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FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,602
@EvisceratedJester "There are a lot of cases of black men willingly putting up with racism from both their white partner and their family just because of their internalized hatred for their race."
I didn't think of this. Rescently I have been following a criminal case in America involving the trial of courtney clenney. Courtney Clenney is a white woman in her 20s and she is currently on trial for stabbing to death her black boyfriend. The relationship the couple had was very toxic. She was caught on audio calling her boyfriend the N word and had history of hitting him this has been caught on camera CCTV. This happened months before his death.
OnlyFans model accused of boyfriend's murder called him N-word during fight before his death, prosecutors said
Prosecutors released audio of Clenney arguing with Christian Obumseli. She faces second-degree murder charges in connection with his fatal stabbing.
www.businessinsider.com
Going through so much rejection all my life has damaged how I see myself as a person even my father didn't want me. As a result of experiencing and always knowing rejection and never male love I do feel there is something deeply wrong with me.
@Quotable2793 True. It is just hard because I have not got anyone to talk in real life. No friends, immediate family never listen, I have loads of relatives who just self-centred users growing up as a teenager I always felt unwanted due to my relatives behaviour, can not get therapy due to my countries healthcare system being hard to navigate.
I just find it easier to talk online with the anonymity.
@Quotable2793 True. It is just hard because I have not got anyone to talk in real life. No friends, immediate family never listen, I have loads of relatives who just self-centred users growing up as a teenager I always felt unwanted due to my relatives behaviour, can not get therapy due to my countries healthcare system being hard to navigate.
I just find it easier to talk online with the anonymity.
@Unattainable666 One of the worst things I have experienced being single has been being excluded by other women and other women judging me for wanting to have a relationship while these women are married themselves or have boyfriends.
Excluded by other women
● I have experienced friends leaving me once they got a boyfriend and at university I experienced my friends in my law class excluding me from group friend discussions once they got boyfriends.
Other women judging me for wanting to have a relationship while these women are married themselves or have boyfriends.
● In the past I posed on a reddit sub community r/twoxchromosomes about my persistent sadness over being single while seeing other women i grew up with getting married and being successful with men.
None of the thousands of women who were active on that sub didn't even respond to my posts but whenever a woman posts about how awful, lazy or useless or an arsehole her boyfriend or husband is it gets over a thousand likes and so many responses along with support. Another time I posted about how I can't cope anymore with the years of make rejection I have experienced. The women on the sub pretty much looked down upon me for wanting a loving relationship with a man and told me how being single woman is cool.
99% of threads posted on there is full of women complaining all the time about their partners.
It's supposed to be a space for women to talk about their issues effecting women but everyone talks about their men and complains about their men
● the list of this happening over and over again is never ending.
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Fulminare
Read Thomas Szasz!
- Feb 20, 2022
- 231
There's always a block button. Being a public person will always send you hate. No matter what you've been through, the system doesn't discriminate in that way. That's why most successful people have their manager handle their socials.
And why take their words seriously? Sure, you're putting yourself out there, but they don't know you privately and they never will. I guess it took me a long while to realise that too before I quit being an influencer/streamer. But this is part of the journey and won't stop.
And why take their words seriously? Sure, you're putting yourself out there, but they don't know you privately and they never will. I guess it took me a long while to realise that too before I quit being an influencer/streamer. But this is part of the journey and won't stop.
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