We try and make our lives more interesting and end up flies entangled in our own webs.
My life has been a shitshow clusterfuck since the day I was born. Abusive parents, betrayed by so-called friends for no good reason , hateful and jealous people destroying any chance of success or happiness have all contributed greatly to my mental illness and the fact that I want to permanently delete my existence.
I wish I'd never even been born at all!
The only reason why I'm still here is the fear of failing an attempt. I'd hate to end up with permanent damage. In that case it would've been better to never have attempted in the first place. The risk of failure is the only thing still keeping me here. I also feel like I'm waiting for the right time when I feel confident enough that the universe will allow me to succeed. Ugh I wish we had a guaranteed, painless, easy way out. I am definitely going to ctb though, otherwise life will pass me by and I'll be forced to keep existing. I always thought that I would never live past 18, but I didn't do anything about it so I inevitably reached it anyways. I wish I had the courage to ctb when I was younger.
