Venting This is the kindest, most compassionate website on the internet... But sometimes I wish it weren't.

[ma0]

Think back to how you first discovered SaSu, maybe a fellow depressed friend told you about it, maybe you stumbled across it while researching mental health sites, or maybe something else entirely.

For me, my first encounter with this website was a few years ago, when I watched the video Tantacrul had made about it. Back then, I wasn't nearly as fucked up as I am now, and naturally thought to myself "Wow, that site is horrible! Who would ever want to go there?"

Fast forward maybe 2 years and my life has gone to shit. I realised I can't do anything meaningful, everyone seems to hate me, and I have a crippling loneliness caused partially by my odd disconnect from literally everything. I wanted to die quickly. My mind thought back to that video about that evil, heartless death forum and figured that was the place for me. Maybe I could get some encouragement from them.

So I made my account and wandered for a bit. I quickly realised that this website was anything but an "evil, heartless death forum" and was much closer to a caring, compassionate support group. "Wow," I thought to myself. "The media was lying, everyone here is so kind and wonderful! This is the most supportive place on the internet!"

I really can't thank any of you enough for making my life slightly easier, this site is probably the best thing I could've found. Sometimes, though, I really do wish that I was greeted with exactly what everyone said I would be, a cold, malicious death trap where everyone wants you to suffer. Maybe my suffering would've ended quicker.

For now, though, I'm happy to enjoy my time here before I bring it to a close. Thanks again ya'll <3

 

[Michi_Violeta]

This site is beautiful in a tragic way. Talking with other members has made me feel less selfish, less alone; it has helped in not judging my own feelings and suicidal ideation; it has helped me find peace in having a method ready to go whenever I am. Almost everyone here is so kind and compassionate and I think it's because we speak the same language: my favorite author once wrote that speaking a language required sharing not just a code but a past, a collection of shared experiences that made understanding possible. That's how this site feels when it comes to talking about one of the most painful experiences a person can go through: the possibility of ending their own life.

I also expected a sort of directory of methods and a repository of data that would just help me decide on a method. If SaSu was just that I'd probably be still alive but recovering from a failed amitriptyline overdose. Instead I found a better method and somehow I'm still here. And I get to talk with a couple of people in private and we share this waiting, our reasons for sitting on death row out of our own decision, our feelings. You get the impression that we listen to each other here because nobody listens to us out there in the way we need. Heck, I'm still not sure if I should call a friend after she shouted at me and called me stupid for opening out about my plans to commit suicide.

This is a ship of lost souls. A beautiful one at that. And you feel it when people support each other, when people mourn the passing of another member with bittersweet tears. Above all, it's a place about peace: no matter if you find it in recovery or in death, all we want for each other here is peace. And that's more than any helpline or psych ward can do for us...

 

[gothbird]

I first found SaSu years ago through Reddit—back when I was in all sorts of suicide threads and stumbled across it alongside SHP. I came in, stayed a little while, read more than I posted, then disappeared again. At the time, I wasn't quite there yet. I think I was still holding on to the illusion that I'd be saved if I just found the right help, the right meds, the right reason to stick around.
But life doesn't always wait for that kind of rescue.

I came back recently, and yeah—same realisation as you. All that media spin? Total shit. There's more compassion here than I've ever seen in so called support groups full of platitudes and crisis scripts.

I get what you mean about wishing it was as brutal as people say, sometimes. If it were, maybe it would've made things simpler. Faster. But I think that's the beauty and the tragedy of this place—we come looking for an end, and instead we find people who actually listen. Not to stop us, but to understand us. That makes the staying a little easier. And the going, if it comes to that, a little less lonely.

Glad you're here, even if it's not forever.

 

[Zanmato]

So I made my account and wandered for a bit. I quickly realised that this website was anything but an "evil, heartless death forum" and was much closer to a caring, compassionate support group. "Wow," I thought to myself. "The media was lying, everyone here is so kind and wonderful! This is the most supportive place on the internet!"

Same here.
I found out this website when I was reading a news about someone who committed suicide, and he was a user of SaSu.

Media said things about how people here "forced you" to suicide, and that everyone were happy when a person dies (or something like that).

I was like: "??? The hell is that website?", but I couldn't check it, because it was blocked in my Country.
After... One year, maybe, I remembered about SaSu and I decided to give it a look.

Maybe I'm lucky, but I don't think I ever seen someone who was trying to force me to suicide.
And, whenever I see a Goodbye Threads... We just say things like: "I'm sorry, but I hope you find your peace".

So no, we're not so happy about it.

 

[catfriend]

my experience closely mirrors yours -- heard about SaSu from that Tantacrul video, but didn't bother to visit it until early this year, when i became serious about ctb and started researching methods.

found, much to my surprise, that this place isn't pro-suicide as such, in the sense that people are yelling 'DO IT!', but rather pro-choice, pro-peace, and vehemently anti-pain. that's not to say i'm a fan of the incel sentiment around some of these parts, but all in all, this is one of the most supportive places on the internet for people who are at the end of their rope (no pun intended).

i hold the (perhaps conspiratorial) view that much of the controversy about this website stems from the ruling class, not wanting to lose their 'worker bees' that keep the gravy train rolling. accessible suicide is a threat to capitalism.

 

[moonlight2.0]

I found SaSu the same video you found it from and I must say this website is a sad Beautiful tragic website , I love this website so much yet it has its dark sides yk

 

[Pluto]

 

[Worndown]

This is a "full service" site without any pressure to do anything but information for almost everything.
I believe more people find ways to cope and live than find ways to die.

 

[onlyformyself]

It's a good site have met amazing people who has helped me when I needed most in respective of race and color

 

[deadbidaylight]

My experience is very similar to yours. I saw so many articles online about how awful this site is and how it needs to be shut down yesterday. I didn't think much of it, but I was researching full suspension hanging and somehow was directed to this forum through Google (I'm really surprised). I lurked a while, and then finally made an account.

I have never been part of a more beautiful community. I wish I could yell it from the rooftops how amazing this forum truly is, without people being worried that I'm on here to begin with. I have confided in one family member about my participation on this forum and she talks with me about it often which is sort of validating (she's a nurse).

I truly believe I'd be in a way darker headspace if I hadn't found this forum. I actually do believe that being here has saved my life. I probably spend wayyyyy too much time on here, but recently I've spent a lot more time trying to help lift up others than looking for ways to end my life. I am trying to recover, I don't want to die, although I have days where I really feel like I do.

I love you all.

 

[the_etherealmuse]

I can't quite recall how I discovered SaSu, but I was aware about it long before an acquaintance of mine recommended exploring it, due to its open outlook towards discussions regarding the right to die.
My first impression of the website was that it served as both a repository for knowledge that would assist individuals in achieving a relatively peaceful death, and a community for discussion and support. The consideration and understanding amongst the members resonated with me, and encouraged me to become a member myself.
Out of pure inquisitiveness, I searched for news reports about SaSu, and was not surprised to see them all condemning the site, deeming it dangerous, and claiming that it encouraged users to die, when in reality it is anything but.