This forum is one of the rare places where I can be pathetic without being mocked

[noname223]

Except for my best friends noone has is understanding. I cannot be fully honest. Not with my therapist, not with my family and not even in my self-help group. Moreover obviously not with people I would consider as something between friends and strangers...
It is hard to get socially accepted when I interact with strangers. I am sometimes socially awkward. I really try hard to improve my social skills but I often act like the nervous wreck I truely am.
With my therapist I have kind of different strategies not to argue with him. I know which stuff makes us arguing a lot. I have stopped touching that topics some months ago. Our relation has improved. But it feels kind of bitter that this is the price I have to pay.

My dad is sometimes a very ignorant dumbass who leaves extremely stupid remarks. He forgets the most things I tell him after a short time. I told him very explicitly about my suicidality but when I don't mention it anymore he always thinks the problem disappeard. I have often told him this is not the case but he is too dumb to understand it.
Sometimes I hear from some relatives stuff like "yeah life is hard stop whining so much". I have stopped to talk with these people. And they now ask themselves why I am ignoring them...

I think the anonymity is a huge benefit in this forum. I am still censoring me to talk about some topics but I can be way more open than in my self-help group. I have heard so much dumb platitudes and sterotypes about suicidal people I cannot really fathom it. Most of them probably had suicidal thoughts but are too ashamed to admit it. (I know that because I digged deeper about that topic with some of them. After that they admitted it)

In our society negative thoughts and thoughts about suicide are often stigmatized. Take some antidepressants and stop self-pitying is often the motto. Change your perspective. If life gives you lemons make lemonade. Yeah sometimes this simply does not work. Many people don't want to be confronted with too much negativity and cut those people out. I am careful not to talk with those people about my issues. I don't want to be rejected I rather reject them. Which I made with some former close friends. I am very sensitive about dumb and hurtful remarks. Not with my loyal best friends but with people who I don't fully trust.

I forgot one thing. But I mentioned this a thousand times before. I experienced so much hurtful comments on the rest of the internet. I have tried a lot of places and in the vast majority they don't have understanding for longterm suicidality. They censor and shame a lot of my thoughts. Bro on facebook they ban you temporarily for stating I want assisted suicide...

 

[FuneralCry]

In this society, it seems like many people do not respect the right to die. They dismiss suicidal people as always being irrational, when in reality wanting suicide can be perfectly rational in a life like this. You are right that suicide is so stigmatised. Many people live under a delusion that life is always worth living, when in reality it is up to an individual to decide whether their life is worth living. Toxic positivity is so annoying to me. I'm sorry you have had to deal with insensitive people. I wish you the best.

 

[SadBear]

In this society, it seems like many people do not respect the right to die. They dismiss suicidal people as always being irrational, when in reality wanting suicide can be perfectly rational in a life like this. You are right that suicide is so stigmatised. Many people live under a delusion that life is always worth living, when in reality it is up to an individual to decide whether their life is worth living. Toxic positivity is so annoying to me. I'm sorry you have had to deal with insensitive people. I wish you the best.

Thank You, I signed up for this site because I knew that others like me would understand. We are all here for our own reasons and can relate to others.

 

[Lostkitten1]

Nearly everyone here knows what it means to consider suicide as a rational option. You are not alone

 

[Rob1984]

My father is similar in some ways. His mindset about problems is basically "sweep them under the rug and after enough time goes by, they should be gone." Sorry dad, but you're dumb and that's not how humans work. Yes, we can try to suppress our problems (bury them deep somewhere in our mind) but it will continue to affect us. My dad also thinks you can just "stop being depressed if you think positively." He honestly says a lot of stupid shit which just shows he doesn't take the time to do any research. He just assumes a ton of things without evidence or previous knowledge. Literally just says dumb shit that has no logic or demonstrates how naive he is. Worst part is, he actually thinks he knows what he is talking about. Mind blowing... And as a result, he essentially dismisses my depression. His attitude is essentially "you choose to be depressed." Anyway, enough about that bullshit......

I totally know what it's like telling people your problems, then they respond in a judgmental or dismissive way, then when you decide to not tell them anything anymore, they then say "why do you keep everything to yourself/you're not open/you don't communicate/etc." ...... No, I did communicate. Multiple times. But your response was not empathetic in the slightest, and you essentially told me to turn that frown upside down. What most ppl don't realize is, the best thing you can offer a person going through a tough time is just an open non judgmental ear. Just listen to us. Try to understand us. Stop making it like our problems are "simple."

Definitely avoid ppl who judge or dismiss your problems. They are toxic and simple minded. Those type of ppl is all I knew for most of my life, then when I finally got a good therapist, I was like "holy shit. So this is what empathy feels like. This is what it feels like for somebody not to completely judge me and instead listen and try to understand my problems." I know you lumped therapists into your category of ppl who don't understand you, and that's okay, but for me my therapist is actually very understanding. But good therapist are very hard to come by. They really are. I'm sorry your therapist isn't very helpful. I personally don't know where I would be without my therapist.