Thinking sucks and everything is pointless

[BabyYoda]

I really hate thinking, and I hate having to "grow" as a person. Honestly I don't want to learn anymore new stuff from hardships, why can't I have an easier way to know something without the pain? Sometimes these stuff that happens in life pushes me to CTB even if I don't want to. I am supposed to be "strong willed and determined" like everyone else but sadly I am not like that. My weak body can no longer take any mental pain. Keep in mind that we are in quarantine (or lockdown? Most likely) and I have a house to stay in and food to eat and anime to watch and games to play. That is how weak and entitled I am, like I have not gotten to the worst of life and I still want to CTB. i feel like I was never meant to have a good life even if there is no logical reason in doing so.

Generally, I am average at everything from academics to games. This made me not care anymore about improving myself and having big goals. I think big goals are only for the privileged or extremely lucky. I see no future for myself partly because of the virus. I do not have the grit that I am supposed to have and I want to avoid disappointment. Disappointment only leads me to another existential crisis where everything is pointless. It is. I am only here to enjoy some of the few good things I have left.

I really have no goals in life, and I am mindlessly living. What is all the fucking point anyways. Why can't I have a growth mindset instead of a shitty fixed mindset? Oh, because life is pointless. Life was really based on inequality where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Wealth isn't always something you acquire from working hard. Most of the time, it's a privilege. Success is out of my control.

Also, I am very bad at this strategy game that I will not uninstall cause of a character that I have a crush on. I cannot get past ANY level without looking at a walkthrough on Youtube. This proves that I hate thinking and I have nothing to contribute to society with my shitty critical thinking skills. My grades this sem are mostly Cs so yeah. I hate logic and math they both suck. I can't even think or achieve something with what I already have.

 

[BFishy]

I'm sorry that you are feeling like that. I totally understand and get your feelings. I have felt worthless for years. I've never found anyone that has truly loved me and has been genuine. Every woman I have been with has used or hurt me in one way or another. The only person that actually loves me is my daughter, I am destined to be alone and lonely for the rest of my sucky existence.
I hope that you can work through all of this, I'm afraid that it's to late for me.
Big hugs.

 

[Roberto]

I really hate thinking, and I hate having to "grow" as a person. Honestly I don't want to learn anymore new stuff from hardships, why can't I have an easier way to know something without the pain? Sometimes these stuff that happens in life pushes me to CTB even if I don't want to. I am supposed to be "strong willed and determined" like everyone else but sadly I am not like that. My weak body can no longer take any mental pain. Keep in mind that we are in quarantine (or lockdown? Most likely) and I have a house to stay in and food to eat and anime to watch and games to play. That is how weak and entitled I am, like I have not gotten to the worst of life and I still want to CTB. i feel like I was never meant to have a good life even if there is no logical reason in doing so.

Generally, I am average at everything from academics to games. This made me not care anymore about improving myself and having big goals. I think big goals are only for the privileged or extremely lucky. I see no future for myself partly because of the virus. I do not have the grit that I am supposed to have and I want to avoid disappointment. Disappointment only leads me to another existential crisis where everything is pointless. It is. I am only here to enjoy some of the few good things I have left.

I really have no goals in life, and I am mindlessly living. What is all the fucking point anyways. Why can't I have a growth mindset instead of a shitty fixed mindset? Oh, because life is pointless. Life was really based on inequality where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Wealth isn't always something you acquire from working hard. Most of the time, it's a privilege. Success is out of my control.

Also, I am very bad at this strategy game that I will not uninstall cause of a character that I have a crush on. I cannot get past ANY level without looking at a walkthrough on Youtube. This proves that I hate thinking and I have nothing to contribute to society with my shitty critical thinking skills. My grades this sem are mostly Cs so yeah. I hate logic and math they both suck. I can't even think or achieve something with what I already have.

I have the same symptoms.

I really hate thinking, and I hate having to "grow" as a person. Honestly I don't want to learn anymore new stuff from hardships, why can't I have an easier way to know something without the pain? Sometimes these stuff that happens in life pushes me to CTB even if I don't want to. I am supposed to be "strong willed and determined" like everyone else but sadly I am not like that. My weak body can no longer take any mental pain. Keep in mind that we are in quarantine (or lockdown? Most likely) and I have a house to stay in and food to eat and anime to watch and games to play. That is how weak and entitled I am, like I have not gotten to the worst of life and I still want to CTB. i feel like I was never meant to have a good life even if there is no logical reason in doing so.

Generally, I am average at everything from academics to games. This made me not care anymore about improving myself and having big goals. I think big goals are only for the privileged or extremely lucky. I see no future for myself partly because of the virus. I do not have the grit that I am supposed to have and I want to avoid disappointment. Disappointment only leads me to another existential crisis where everything is pointless. It is. I am only here to enjoy some of the few good things I have left.

I really have no goals in life, and I am mindlessly living. What is all the fucking point anyways. Why can't I have a growth mindset instead of a shitty fixed mindset? Oh, because life is pointless. Life was really based on inequality where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Wealth isn't always something you acquire from working hard. Most of the time, it's a privilege. Success is out of my control.

Also, I am very bad at this strategy game that I will not uninstall cause of a character that I have a crush on. I cannot get past ANY level without looking at a walkthrough on Youtube. This proves that I hate thinking and I have nothing to contribute to society with my shitty critical thinking skills. My grades this sem are mostly Cs so yeah. I hate logic and math they both suck. I can't even think or achieve something with what I already have.

Try Starcraft 2 if you didn't. I love it.

 

[TAW122]

I really hate thinking, and I hate having to "grow" as a person. Honestly I don't want to learn anymore new stuff from hardships, why can't I have an easier way to know something without the pain? Sometimes these stuff that happens in life pushes me to CTB even if I don't want to. I am supposed to be "strong willed and determined" like everyone else but sadly I am not like that. My weak body can no longer take any mental pain. Keep in mind that we are in quarantine (or lockdown? Most likely) and I have a house to stay in and food to eat and anime to watch and games to play. That is how weak and entitled I am, like I have not gotten to the worst of life and I still want to CTB. i feel like I was never meant to have a good life even if there is no logical reason in doing so.

Generally, I am average at everything from academics to games. This made me not care anymore about improving myself and having big goals. I think big goals are only for the privileged or extremely lucky. I see no future for myself partly because of the virus. I do not have the grit that I am supposed to have and I want to avoid disappointment. Disappointment only leads me to another existential crisis where everything is pointless. It is. I am only here to enjoy some of the few good things I have left.

I really have no goals in life, and I am mindlessly living. What is all the fucking point anyways. Why can't I have a growth mindset instead of a shitty fixed mindset? Oh, because life is pointless. Life was really based on inequality where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Wealth isn't always something you acquire from working hard. Most of the time, it's a privilege. Success is out of my control.

Also, I am very bad at this strategy game that I will not uninstall cause of a character that I have a crush on. I cannot get past ANY level without looking at a walkthrough on Youtube. This proves that I hate thinking and I have nothing to contribute to society with my shitty critical thinking skills. My grades this sem are mostly Cs so yeah. I hate logic and math they both suck. I can't even think or achieve something with what I already have.

You've described my situation just about to a "T". I am in a similar boat too, albeit with some differences. I don't really do exceptionally well academically either (maybe just slightly above average to get into grad school (not even a good one just a meh one) and also just barely graduated there (minimum 3.0 to graduate, which I just barely made, B-average). As for regular university, well mostly an A/B average, but closer to B average near the end of my studies.

Video games are also a cope too, and while music was once my cope (piano playing) and stuff, long story short, it turned to shit and now I just don't even like performing, playing anymore. I'm just a mere listener who appreciates music. Had I not lose my hobby, the one I poured over 20+ years into, I may have coped better and perhaps carved out some palatable (albeit still shitty but tolerable) future for myself. However, that was pissed away from me.

Then of course, the day-to-day Aspergers and social ineptness and all other reasons too. I did mention my ladyfriend story but that is more of a tertiary reason (at best) than a main reason. That doesn't mean it didn't have an factor, it still does, and it will likely be the tipping point/flash point towards my CTB'ing later this year (or future).

 

[262653]

@BabyYoda
What video games do you play?

 

[BabyYoda]

@BabyYoda
What video games do you play?

Anime gacha games, visual novels and RPG maker games. Mostly those ones