![PinballWizard39](/data/avatars/l/92/92861.jpg?1718651605)
PinballWizard39
Student
- May 3, 2024
- 185
I'm really close to acting on my CTB plans. I have everything sorted, ready to go. But I'm not quite 'there' yet. Mentally it's agony at this 'shall I, shan't I?' point. I just need to make the decision. I have nothing keeping me here, it's just the damn SI.
Is it bad to say I feel like ringing the crisis team and telling them how bad I feel because I know they'll talk to me like shit and it'll likely give me the push I need?
I'm only thinking out loud here, I just need to decide one way or another. Ambivalence is always an issue with me, purely because I really want to be ok, but at the same time, years of living my life like this has shown me that anything different to this is highly unlikely at this point. I need what I call a 'fuck it' moment, where I get driven so mad from my ambivalence, I just do it.
Is it bad to say I feel like ringing the crisis team and telling them how bad I feel because I know they'll talk to me like shit and it'll likely give me the push I need?
I'm only thinking out loud here, I just need to decide one way or another. Ambivalence is always an issue with me, purely because I really want to be ok, but at the same time, years of living my life like this has shown me that anything different to this is highly unlikely at this point. I need what I call a 'fuck it' moment, where I get driven so mad from my ambivalence, I just do it.