Story Thinking of running away/moving out instead of ctb

[Helpneedtips]

Lately, I've been thinking of giving my life one last shot and starting a "new life" someplace else. I'll bring my SN with me, and if it doesn't work out (i.e. i run out of money) then maybe I'll ctb. At least I tried, right? I do have some savings before I became unemployed, enough to probably last a year if I'm frugal.

But, my parents' possible fanfare about me "disappearing" worries me so so much. My relationship with my parents is kinda complicated, I am technically an adult (24 y/o) but I think they still see me as a child. Sometimes, I can't tell if they're so overprotective that I became dependent on them, or I'm just so hopeless at life (anxiety, huge inferiority complex) that they ended up coddling me like a child. I don't think they'd let me go so I plan to secretly move out and leave a note, but I don't think it'll be enough. They'll probably see my decision to move out unemployed as dumb, or worse, maybe they'll worry that I'm caught up in trouble like drugs/prostitution and shit (when I don't even drink alcohol lol). I cringe at the possibility of them posting missing pictures of me or contacting my old friends to ask about me. Or worse, contacting police.

Not gonna lie, I'm also worried about looking for a job after being unemployed for 2 years (and my only job experience being barely 1 year pre-pandemic). The plan is to spruce up my resume and just apply to whoever will accept me, and to also look for online jobs on my downtime. I do have a college degree, that's gonna matter some right??

I just want to get out of here. I feel like I'm regressing as a person by staying in my parents' house. Honestly, I've spent these 2 years just doing house chores, and hiding in my room, wasting time on the Internet the rest of the time... I don't want to live like this forever.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

Lately, I've been thinking of giving my life one last shot and starting a "new life" someplace else. I'll bring my SN with me, and if it doesn't work out (i.e. i run out of money) then maybe I'll ctb. At least I tried, right? I do have some savings before I became unemployed, enough to probably last a year if I'm frugal.

But, my parents' possible fanfare about me "disappearing" worries me so so much. My relationship with my parents is kinda complicated, I am technically an adult (24 y/o) but I think they still see me as a child. Sometimes, I can't tell if they're so overprotective that I became dependent on them, or I'm just so hopeless at life (anxiety, huge inferiority complex) that they ended up coddling me like a child. I don't think they'd let me go so I plan to secretly move out and leave a note, but I don't think it'll be enough. They'll probably see my decision to move out unemployed as dumb, or worse, maybe they'll worry that I'm caught up in trouble like drugs/prostitution and shit (when I don't even drink alcohol lol). I cringe at the possibility of them posting missing pictures of me or contacting my old friends to ask about me. Or worse, contacting police.

Not gonna lie, I'm also worried about looking for a job after being unemployed for 2 years (and my only job experience being barely 1 year pre-pandemic). The plan is to spruce up my resume and just apply to whoever will accept me, and to also look for online jobs on my downtime. I do have a college degree, that's gonna matter some right??

I just want to get out of here. I feel like I'm regressing as a person by staying in my parents' house. Honestly, I've spent these 2 years just doing house chores, and hiding in my room, wasting time on the Internet the rest of the time... I don't want to live like this forever.

I would encourage you to listen to that voice that says "I'm regressing as a person" and "I don't want to live like this forever." Those are very healthy and normal desires.

If I can offer a couple of suggestions for your "disappearing"? Absolutely leave them a note, but don't include your new address. They can reach you other ways, and distance is a very healthy thing when negotiating new boundaries with family. You may want to ask friends / siblings / other family to not share your location.

Also, a finding a roommate or renting a furnished room will be an easier transition, logistically, than renting an apartment on your own. Plus, it will be more flexible if that space, or that city, doesn't "fit." And it's a good step if you didn't live in a dorm while in college.

And, don't hold back from the adulthood you've earned, and crave, because of fears of what someone else *might* be doing. Deal with what actually happens. Plus, looking after your parents' emotions is your parents' job.

Lastly, recognize that you will make mistakes, you will have regrets, you will have times you wonder what the F*** you were thinking - and you will have days when you will breathe deeply b/c the straightjacket of expectations has been lifted off and you can just BE. (Spoiler - it's a *wonderful* feeling.)

Enjoy it, my friend!

 

[Helpneedtips]

I would encourage you to listen to that voice that says "I'm regressing as a person" and "I don't want to live like this forever." Those are very healthy and normal desires.

If I can offer a couple of suggestions for your "disappearing"? Absolutely leave them a note, but don't include your new address. They can reach you other ways, and distance is a very healthy thing when negotiating new boundaries with family. You may want to ask friends / siblings / other family to not share your location.

Also, a finding a roommate or renting a furnished room will be an easier transition, logistically, than renting an apartment on your own. Plus, it will be more flexible if that space, or that city, doesn't "fit." And it's a good step if you didn't live in a dorm while in college.

And, don't hold back from the adulthood you've earned, and crave, because of fears of what someone else *might* be doing. Deal with what actually happens. Plus, looking after your parents' emotions is your parents' job.

Lastly, recognize that you will make mistakes, you will have regrets, you will have times you wonder what the F*** you were thinking - and you will have days when you will breathe deeply b/c the straightjacket of expectations has been lifted off and you can just BE. (Spoiler - it's a *wonderful* feeling.)

Enjoy it, my friend!

Thank you, feels assuring to hear that I'm reasonable for wanting to do this.

Yes, I don't plan on telling them my new address though I do plan on keeping contact (perhaps through fb) just to assure them that I'm okay. I've been looking at furnished rooms in dormitory-type buildings, they do fit my budget more and I don't have to bring many things (just my clothes, laptop and documents).

 

[chocolatebar]

Being someone who lived an empty life to the point of slowly crumbling to the void and getting irreparably damaged while living in this same hell of a house and being controlled by my family, I can only tell youto go. GO AND DO IT, MOVE AWAY AND DON'T COME BACK. FEEL WHAT FREEDOM IS AND HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE YOUR FULL SELF.

Make sure that your financial situation is enough to maintain your new life without the risk of having to go bacl to your parent's house or things will be terribly worse next time.

I'm facing the possibility of moving out soon too, but in my case, it's too late for me. Yet, I will do it anyway,

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I'm facing the possibility of moving out soon too, but in my case, it's too late for me. Yet, I will do it anyway,

Good luck to you!

 

[Sweet Chainsaw]

Go for it!!

 

[wait.what]

Thank you, feels assuring to hear that I'm reasonable for wanting to do this.

You sure enough are. I was just talking to a young adult today about his plans to go out and see however much of the world he can manage to see. I was happy for him, and I'm happy for you.

 

[hopelessdreams]

id say so it! but be prepared. look at job opportunities in the place you want to live. apply to everything you see, even if it doesn't sound that great. when you get a job before you move out, you have a peace of mind that you'll be able to provide for yourself. you don't want to have to move back in with your parents.

as for notifying them, maybe you could have a conversation about it with them? explain them your game plan, tell them you've got a job there, that you have enough money to provide for yourself. that way they'll be prepared when you leave, even if they don't like it.

it's never too late to move out and make something of your life! in a few years you'll be grateful you did it now, instead of waiting for a opportunity to fall in your lap.

 

[Someone123]

If there is any way you can get a job before you leave, that would help. Even with savings no one will rent to you (except maybe in a high crime area) if you don't have a job. The money will go fast if you have to live in a hotel, really fast.

 

[akana]

Are you me? Jesus this is exactly the same fucking situation I was in except everything you said happened to me
First off, moving out/running away is not an easy thing to do at all by yourself, so props to you for that.
It's a hundred percent easier said than done, but plan everything and keep your composure. I'd say maybe let someone else know before you leave that isn't your family or even on here to act as a friend unless you have other people irl. or even a therapist to explain your situation on your behalf It will be worth it in the long run & explain your situation.
I'm 21, I feel you here as well. I went through the same thing and I've regressed completely now when I actually did feel like an adult but I got too tired.

I attempted this as a last resort to finally say at least I tried and to move my life in a direction one more time and to finally create some boundaries and take control of my own life. My parents raised the same weird concerns with me despite a lot of my self harm etc being so rare and from years ago.


Didn't plan it effectively ruined with missing posts etc etc like you said..So coming from someone who was at this stage much much earlier last year, do it. And do it for yourself. Give it a shot but make sure you plan/explain your situation to someone & keep pushing. You will thank yourself in the long run. Like others here have said you need to plan it so that once you leave, you've left for certain and don't go back - make sure you have everything set up and in place.

Wish I could give better advice but I think what you need to do is plan, don't rush & keep your composure (coming from someone who was there and now is too late for me lol).

Also edit - Your CV/resume or gaps don't matter for now - your priority is getting out & there's loads of places that will not mind about the gaps (and cash in hand jobs are out there if you look on gumtree etc etc). I'm the same, haven't worked in a few years.
What Well-Edited said is pretty much the perfect advice. From someone who earned adulthood but had to go back to infancy because I used university as a place to try & get out

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

To everyone in the OP's situation, do it. I did when I was in my 20s. I waited tables, worked a call center, worked as the coat checker and cocktail waitress at a night club, and had room mates. I started off by moving an hour away from home and then kept moving further and further.
You can do it! Freedom is just a few steps away!

 

[noaccount]

I hope you can get out soon.

What's worked for me in a pinch - if without the funds to rent an apartment - is to find short-term work-trade-for-lodging arrangements through helpx, wwoof, workaway, and sites like that.

And to get a good frame backpack.
And get comfortable hitchhiking - the main thing is just patience, hundreds of people can ignore you but one person is all you need to get you where you need.
And practiced throwing a camp hammock with a little brown/black tarp over it in wooded areas - stealth chill spot to stay for the night, more comfortable than a sleeping bag in tent for me.