Discussion thinking of ctb

[voidangel]

sometimes thinking about ctb makes me feel peaceful and okay, even without making any plans. does anyone else relate? i guess it's just the peace of knowing it'll happen one day, even if it's far in the future. it makes me feel less pressured in my life. do you guys think this is a good thing? or should i try not to think this way. i really want to recover

 

[getoutgirl]

I'd say that has its dangers yeah.
You can end up making a habit of that, getting used to that comfort in a very subtle manner without realizing, and when things get tough you can lean in more into that for comfort, and further. It really is about mantaining that mental pathway open as a source of relief, it strengthens it, leaves it at hand. It's keeping suicide in your livingroom in a shelf basically.
Holding on to the belief that one day inevitably you are going to do it, sure brings peace, but has a similar effect.

That's my opinion about it, I've gone through that and still do. When I was trying hard to recover I found my own sort of way with dealing with those thoughts that has probably 0 psychiatric basis, and may be close to repressing, but that aint always bad and worked for me so whatevs I throw it at ya.
Basically I shot the thought execution style whenever It stepped a foot on my mind. Whenever I was stressed or anything and my mind went "I should kill my-" BAM, cut it, shot it, wouldn't even let myself finish the sentence in my head. Sometimes I couldn't do that, but basically I tried to live thinking about suicide as little as posible, forcefully. it got easier with time and I got better. Not a permanent solution, won't stop it, but It can make a better headspace for recovery and the other stuff to work.

If you really want to recover then yeah, my opinion based only on my experience is that keeping that thinking can make days easier but won't help you much with the recovery in the long run. You can try and do what I did or try your own thing or something someone with actual knowledge can advise ya. Anyways, do you.
Recovery is hard. Hugs <3

 

[Pale_Rider]

Yes. I get comfortable from thinking about ctb, but I also like thinking about the ways it can be done.