Thinking of cbt

[mmmlov]

Hi I'm new to this forum, and I discovered it from tantacrul's horribly misinforming video. I realized that this would be the perfect place to voice my concerns. My life isn't all that great, but it's not awful. I just feel like I'm not meant for this world. Sometimes, I want to kill myself. Not as much as I used to, when I was much younger, I would plan my death often. I almost tried, but couldn't get down enough pills before my mom came home. I got better since then, but sometimes I still wonder, would I be better to kill myself? Surely I wont amount to much in this world. And why do I even try if I can just take the easy way out like I do for everything else? I don't want to ask professionals for help, as I don't wanna be locked up or anything like that. I guess I just need a second opinion

 

[Mixfeels]

Honestly.. things are able to improve, if you still are able to say "its not awful" then maybe things are able to change for you.
have you not tried talking to a therapist yet?
I get the feeling of " I just feel like I'm not meant for this world." this feeling is valid
"but sometimes I still wonder, would I be better to kill myself? Surely I wont amount to much in this world. And why do I even try if I can just take the easy way out like I do for everything else?" i truly relate to this sentence,
we are truly all npc's, just grain of sands.. some of us are not meant for anything in this world, "just place holder"
hope you.. are able to get past this

 

[Sulyya]

Welcome, I hope you find something useful. Don't die unless you're certain, imo. Look all around the site at different discussions to get an idea. I personally don't tell anyone in my life about what I'm thinking and I don't think it's good for me. Maybe it would be not a bad idea to open up to family in some non-confrontational way if you're nervous to. They generally don't lock people up for just having suicide on the mind, but I suppose you never know what they may do.

 

[SexyIncél]

I got better since then, but sometimes I still wonder, would I be better to kill myself? Surely I wont amount to much in this world.

I probably don't understand your perspective, sorry if I'm guessing wrong. But it doesn't matter what people think you amount to. Unless biotech changes things, you've got some decades here. Do what you want with it, fuck people's pointless expectations

 

[mmmlov]

Honestly.. things are able to improve, if you still are able to say "its not awful" then maybe things are able to change for you.
have you not tried talking to a therapist yet?
I get the feeling of " I just feel like I'm not meant for this world." this feeling is valid
"but sometimes I still wonder, would I be better to kill myself? Surely I wont amount to much in this world. And why do I even try if I can just take the easy way out like I do for everything else?" i truly relate to this sentence,
we are truly all npc's, just grain of sands.. some of us are not meant for anything in this world, "just place holder"
hope you.. are able to get past this

Thank you so much for this perspective, i def am not going to act right away and I'm gonna try to improve. I haven't talked to a therapist because my mother is a physiologist and thinks that other therapists are a scam of some sort, even though she gives awful advice. I will concider everything you said, thank you

Welcome, I hope you find something useful. Don't die unless you're certain, imo. Look all around the site at different discussions to get an idea. I personally don't tell anyone in my life about what I'm thinking and I don't think it's good for me. Maybe it would be not a bad idea to open up to family in some non-confrontational way if you're nervous to. They generally don't lock people up for just having suicide on the mind, but I suppose you never know what they may do.

Thank you very much for your opinion. I may talk to one of my more trusted family members should things get worse, but I'm not going to because every time I try, they tell me my feelings are completely normal and don't help at all. Thank you for the advice

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

And why do I even try if I can just take the easy way out like I do for everything else?

Welcone to the forum.

Not sure I understand your perspective can you elaborate some more?

 

[mmmlov]

Welcone to the forum.

Not sure I understand your perspective can you elaborate some more?

By this I mostly meant that dying is easier than going through the hardships of life, so it wojld be easier way out for me, as I always do what's easiest rather than what maybe "better"

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

By this I mostly meant that dying is easier than going through the hardships of life, so it wojld be easier way out for me, as I always do what's easiest rather than what maybe "better"

Better is quite a subjective term defined by the individual. Each individual determines what is best for themselves.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've also always felt like I'm not meant for existing, but at least to me suicide could never be a "easy way out". I wish that suicide was easy but the fact is that we exist in this anti suicide society that restricts access to reliable methods. Planning to die actually is something that can be very difficult and complicated.

And you cannot expect other people to tell you if you should live or die. This is a pro choice forum to respect the decisions that people have chosen for themselves. Other people aren't experiencing your life after all so they should never have any say in it.

 

[that smell]

I can understand not wanting to ask for professional help for fear of being institutionalized. In my experience, they're only mandated to report if they believe you're serious about hurting yourself. That usually means you disclose you have a plan and intent to do so. If you're feeling depressed and having suicidal thoughts, it's not enough to lock you up. Most people have those thoughts, with varying intensity, at some point or another in their life. You can reiterate that you are having those feelings but do not plan on acting on them (whether that is true or not).

If things are getting better for you and you believe there is hope, then you're in a better place than many other people here.

Wishing you the best in whatever you decide.