Venting Thinking about this drives me crazy!

[nopointofliving]

I have been trying to be a better person all my life. I used to observe my behavior and try to point out what's wrong in me and fix it. This leads me to develop my current character; a very kind person who really wants to help others. The thing is I become too kind to everyone except myself. I also expected others to treat me in the same way at some extend. It's not like I'm going into a trade, like I give you my care, and you give me something in exchange. It was never like that. You can say at least I expected a "Thank you" or a smile, not the other way around.

I stood for many people in my life, I don't want them to pay me back , but it was shocking for me to be left behind and never be cared even by those I stood for and supported. It wasn't even like this but they treated me like I hurt them and I ruined their life. I always thought I was helping them, but they were receiving my help as a curse. Sometimes I think I might be crazy, I don't understand life well. In other times, I tell myself, I'm not crazy but life is very bad. Maybe people have changed, goodness is not understood as before. Maybe people are scared of extra kindness or goodness, whenever they see someone very kind or honest, they doubt it. They think there must be something fishy in that.

I'm really tired being misunderstood all the time. I'm not writing this post to say I'm this or that, I hate that I even need to justify every word I say because people may take it the other way around, and I hate that I always need to explain what I mean, and what I'm talking about.

I'm going crazy thinking about it. Am I crazy? Am I really selfish by being the kind way I am? am I really a bad person by offering my help and time to others? Even if I was so, I can't change it :(

 

[logan]

I can well understand your thoughts.
Everybody has his ideas what is "good" and "right" - this is how all arguments in history were conducted.
So there is no clear answer to this question.
Perhaps it is right to offer help and to provide it if it is accepted.

 

[motel rooms]

Sounds like your parents raised you to be a victim. Respect yourself. Be kind only to people who respect you, ignore those who disrespect you. Easier said than done, of course...

 

[FuneralCry]

You are not selfish at all, you are just being kind and it seems like it is your personality. Other people sound like the problem instead, as others are capable of causing us pain and can betray and disappoint us. I'm sorry you are suffering, I wish you well.

 

[Ramirez]

Most people have no remorse taking advantage of someone. Being really nice and vulnerable will attract alot of dicks wanting to take advantage of it. Easy to get hurt. I just expect it at this point kinda so I'm not hurt or surprise.

 

[motel rooms]

Most people have no remorse taking advantage of someone. Being really nice and vulnerable will attract alot of dicks wanting to take advantage of it. Easy to get hurt. I just expect it at this point kinda so I'm not hurt or surprise.

The tragic thing is that overly nice people / doormats aren't aware that they unconsciously seek out shameless assholes who take advantage of them. Like I said, I suspect OP's family raised them to be a victim & to blame themselves when they are exploited

 

[OnlyTheWind]

In this world, it is not unheard of for goodness to be repaid with evil. Don't go out of your way for others if you don't need to and you will avoid this kind of thing. I'm good to people within the context I find myself, but I also mostly a loner who makes excuses to avoid humans where I can.

 

[Bagger]

I can relate in so many ways man. It's bad. It hurts, it mess up my mind. Misunderstandings are like molten core of my current situation. Shit started by one causes an avalanche of more and more. I never intended to do bad stuff to my friends. But in the end I did. I feel so stupid because I can't understand people's intentions and stuff. I dunno who is talking to me seriously, or who is making jokes of me. I have hard time supporting or starting conversations, and even harder time choosing what to say or not. Because of this I'm constantly paranoid and suspicious. It feels like I'm fucked up. Permanent anxiety and guilt. Every time i tried to do some good for others i messeed up very BAD. Every fucking time. In such ways I wouldn't even considered possible. I'm fucking cursed, or just too stupid to see why and what is wrong with me. sorry for long post full of grammar mistakes

 

[SuicidalAgain]

I'm the exact same. Rejected and taken advantage of for being kind, taking my relationships with people seriously, trying my best to always be fair, never scared of apologising when I mess up, heck sometimes the other person is the one who needs to apologise and I still blame myself.

My defense mechanism is not being suspicious of people when we interact but more to avoid interactions because I can't trust my judgment. I take people's word for the truth, even when sometimes things raise some red flags, I still want to believe people are good. I'm like "so, this sounds like this, is it like it sounds?", then they say no and I believe them while in most situations my instinct proved to be true...

I think I do this because I'm bad at communicating and often misunderstood, I hate the feeling, so I don't want to do the same to others.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I'm the exact same. Rejected and taken advantage of for being kind, taking my relationships with people seriously, trying my best to always be fair, never scared of apologising when I mess up, heck sometimes the other person is the one who needs to apologise and I still blame myself.

It is infuriating when you try to make an effort to identify your own flaws, but the other individual in the relationship does not; especially when an argument breaks out and the other party attacks you for a perceived offense, and use your own admitted faults against you. It is like being in combat while having one arm tied behind your back - a handicap.

My defense mechanism is not being suspicious of people when we interact but more to avoid interactions because I can't trust my judgment. I take people's word for the truth, even when sometimes things raise some red flags, I still want to believe people are good. I'm like "so, this sounds like this, is it like it sounds?", then they say no and I believe them while in most situations my instinct proved to be true...

Yes. This is similar to when someone will say: "it is nothing personal", but their intentions and behaviour turn out to be... personal.

 

[overcomingfear]

I can relate too, I've always "treated people like i wanna be treated". Now i think it's something a psychopath would say. Being kind is only a vulnerability

 

[SuicidalAgain]

It is infuriating when you try to make an effort to identify your own flaws, but the other individual in the relationship does not; especially when an argument breaks out and the other party attacks you for a perceived offense, and use your own admitted faults against you. It is like being in combat while having one arm tied behind your back - a handicap.

Absolutely. There are many times when both parties have a share of the blame and we take our share and the other person doesn't take theirs, making it look like we're the only ones at fault. I can't understand this concept of trying to "win" arguments.

 

[overcomingfear]

Absolutely. There are many times when both parties have a share of the blame and we take our share and the other person doesn't take theirs, making it look like we're the only ones at fault. I can't understand this concept of trying to "win" arguments.

ego doesn't let them, they think they are better than you. cut contact with these people