Venting Thinking about the past is harder after accepting my fate

[helpmepls]

I have recently accepted my death. Since fully accepting it ive noticed things have got a lot easier. Previouly, although i didnt want to live, thinking about ctb caused me a lot of stress. Not anymore. I feel at peace with it. But, thinking about the past is now really hard. Specifically, this last year, i made a new friend. Weve played a lot of games together and hes overall very cool. Hes been my only company. The only person who has accepted me. Thinking about all the times we have together, seeing him plead for me not to die in discord because he says he will be lonely, remembering how we first met, remembering out minecraft server and our house we built together... It hurts so much. Idk i was just wondering if this is a common experience or if im just weird.

 

[Namensjemand]

When you face death, deep emotions can bubble up. Such as the connection to your friend. I also had that when trying to get serious. Feelings to people I actually mattered to bubbeling up. Not sure what to say beyond that. Sure he will miss you. You can't live for others. Such feelings can remind one that there is meaning in going on. If that is not actually the case, I understand that they are in the way.

If your suffering is that severe and hopeless and he a true friend, he should also have understanding IMO. Sorry you hurt.