
brokensea
Arcanist
- Aug 4, 2022
- 405
I have attempted a few times cutting and one time drove out to jump off some high cliffs but by the time I got there it was getting dark. Was worried I would jump wrong and be out there for days before I died.
Reading through the site I've felt impulsive on my attempts. Emotional. Overwhelmed. Wanting the pain to end.
But I think reading some of the methods here likely to work. There are so many reasons I want to die but I had a thought that maybe I should really think this through and die with a clear mind. Actually make a decision not just do it in those moments I'm in agony and over the edge.
Really think is there nothing here anymore and any reason and any outcome I would ever want to live for.
Is it worth going through agonizing pain in order to die? Have I spent the time to tie up loose ends. Do I want to write letters? Do any last things?
I am thinking more to die to really be clear and make a decision and come to terms with it. It's my life and my choice and if I decide to do it I don't want any regrets.
I've wanted to die for a long time. I hardly get out of bed or see anyone for two years now. When I actually have to stand up to do anything I feel dizzy. The things I wanted in my life that would have gave my life meaning aren't possible anymore. The reason and hope I carried on for in this life is gone.
Every person I've ever loved has betrayed me, left, used me, abused me. I don't know that anyone has ever loved me. I've become almost violent in grief. I want to take revenge on the person who did this last thing to me and betrayed me so many times. I have enough info on them to ruin their life if shared with others but then I don't know if I should go out being the better person and just die.
I just realized being here on the site that I just more want to die as a complete and full decision. I want it to be a choice not a choice just out of pain alone. So I am just weighing everything and my future which is truly empty and bleak and always will be. I know that. My life has been nothing but pain even before what happened but now any future I wanted is gone as well. Is there anything here I could ever want to live for? I don't think there is but at least I am taking the time to really think about it. I do just want to be free and not exist. It's such a personal decision and it is good to have a place here that doesn't guilt you into living or give empty platitudes of why you should.
There are so many people in pain like I am in this world that have no options and have been hurt by the people who loved them. That have lost everything that mattered. They have suffered for years. There's so many of us. No one asked to be here and go through all of this. In this life and existence in this world. We all have our own reasons for not wanting to be here. This site has a lot of bad press but I'm glad I found it when I had nowhere else to go.
Reading through the site I've felt impulsive on my attempts. Emotional. Overwhelmed. Wanting the pain to end.
But I think reading some of the methods here likely to work. There are so many reasons I want to die but I had a thought that maybe I should really think this through and die with a clear mind. Actually make a decision not just do it in those moments I'm in agony and over the edge.
Really think is there nothing here anymore and any reason and any outcome I would ever want to live for.
Is it worth going through agonizing pain in order to die? Have I spent the time to tie up loose ends. Do I want to write letters? Do any last things?
I am thinking more to die to really be clear and make a decision and come to terms with it. It's my life and my choice and if I decide to do it I don't want any regrets.
I've wanted to die for a long time. I hardly get out of bed or see anyone for two years now. When I actually have to stand up to do anything I feel dizzy. The things I wanted in my life that would have gave my life meaning aren't possible anymore. The reason and hope I carried on for in this life is gone.
Every person I've ever loved has betrayed me, left, used me, abused me. I don't know that anyone has ever loved me. I've become almost violent in grief. I want to take revenge on the person who did this last thing to me and betrayed me so many times. I have enough info on them to ruin their life if shared with others but then I don't know if I should go out being the better person and just die.
I just realized being here on the site that I just more want to die as a complete and full decision. I want it to be a choice not a choice just out of pain alone. So I am just weighing everything and my future which is truly empty and bleak and always will be. I know that. My life has been nothing but pain even before what happened but now any future I wanted is gone as well. Is there anything here I could ever want to live for? I don't think there is but at least I am taking the time to really think about it. I do just want to be free and not exist. It's such a personal decision and it is good to have a place here that doesn't guilt you into living or give empty platitudes of why you should.
There are so many people in pain like I am in this world that have no options and have been hurt by the people who loved them. That have lost everything that mattered. They have suffered for years. There's so many of us. No one asked to be here and go through all of this. In this life and existence in this world. We all have our own reasons for not wanting to be here. This site has a lot of bad press but I'm glad I found it when I had nowhere else to go.