Thinking about standing in front of a train

[maggot666]

I am thinking I am going to end up having to stand in front of a train it seems the only way I have tried to many times to die and it's so fucking hard.
I took over 100 50mg Amitriptyline but just ended up walking around Hallucinating till my ex found me then I passed out at home might be tolerance because I've been prescribed them for 20 years.
I tried cutting the main artery on my throat but was really really drunk and a friend turned up and stopped the bleed.
I went to stand in front of a train walked onto the track at a crossing but walked down away from the crossing I had my chance the train came but I thought to let that one go so I can see how fast it will hit and stepped back of the track. Then waited for the next when I saw it come stepped back on the track but it stopped someone had seen me when I first got on the track and they had a helicopter out and told the driver and the police had blocked off the road at the crossing there was no other way off so they arrested me put me in the back of a van and put me in a police cell till they could take me mental hospital where I was let out 3 hours later because I blagged them told them I never was going to go through with it I was going to step off the track again.
I started reading about partial hanging and then tried it by tying a wire to the outside door handle throwing the wire over the door then closing the door but I had to tie on a separate wire because it wasn't long enough for my knees to be on the floor well it did something because after putting it around my neck I came round lying on the floor having some weird fit so I guess it worked but the second wire snapped because it wasn't strong enough. I have tried so many times since but can never pass out I just feel like my head is going to explode.
Last time I tried I went and sat at another train crossing trying to work up to it to calm down I took some Amitriptyline and when it started working I started to look for a hole in the fence to get onto the track but was too fucked in the end from the Amitriptyline.
When it comes to deciding to stand in front of a train my mind starts going crazy thinking how much will I feel I start thinking I might not die and be lying there with just my limbs ripped off or something. But now I am desperate I get money on Thursday so I might just do loads of heroin and then put my music on and step on the track with my back to the train.

 

[Glitch]

I hate to say it as I think about this 2 but the train driver... I knew someone who drove the trains and had 3 people jump on him. He's traumatized :( since then he has tried to take his own life which is really sad considering he's such a nice chap and the only reason is because of the things he saw. I can't Imagen it being overly painful you'll just kinda turn into red mist maybe?

 

[JimFord99]

Ya, it is the mess left behind, and it needs to be cleaned up. Be a bit more responsible. There are cleaner ways to close the book and go. I do sympathise with you and your reasons but not you method.
And I really do not know why somebody gives the OP a 'like' apart from boosting up the stats. Sorry, not impresses, Baskol1.

 

[dreamofme]

Train driver became depressed and killed himself after hitting suicidal man on tracks

A train driver killed himself after spiralling into depression when he hit a suicidal man on the tracks, an inquest heard.

www.telegraph.co.uk

 

[DownFall]

I'm sorry to hear that your other plans didn't work but please don't involve other people in your plan.

 

[JimFord99]

Ah, Baskol1 you like this as well then? Not funny at all. The driver is completely innocent and not at all involved.

 

[Worndown]

If you need to go, don't do it in a way to take someone else down your path. That might be the real application of "selfish" that is so often discussed on this site.

 

[JimFord99]

I totally agree, Worndown. This is not the way to do it. You can do to yourself whatever you like as long as it won't involve anyone else.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I would rather overdose on heroin than stand in front of a train. Just pay a homeless person to show you where to get some. If not you'll get splattered on the front of a train and make a bunch of people late, as well as give PTSD to the train conductor.

 

[JimFord99]

I would rather overdose on heroin than stand in front of a train. Just pay a homeless person to show you where to get some. If not you'll get splattered on the front of a train and make a bunch of people late, as well as give PTSD to the train conductor.

Ya, agree.

 

[Baskol1]

No i dont like this method.

 

[Mr2005]

It seems impossible to do it without consequences of some kind. Hoping for an asteroid is less selfish? If I wanted to go enough I don't think that'd stop me. People could help so it doesn't have to come to that but they won't

 

[maggot666]

I would rather overdose on heroin than stand in front of a train. Just pay a homeless person to show you where to get some. If not you'll get splattered on the front of a train and make a bunch of people late, as well as give PTSD to the train conductor.

I know where to get heroin I don't have any veins to use because I was an IV user in my teens besides the quality is shit. I know its bad on the train driver this really is a last resort thing I cannot get partial hanging to work at all

 

[JimFord99]

If you have contacts like you have, keep them. Priceless.

 

[oopswronglife]

It's never justifiable to force someone else to kill you. Of course every method will hurt anyone who cares about you or someone who discovers you etc, and that's unavoidable if you simply cannot live, but it's a CHOICE to force someone else to be involved and you are CHOOSING to deeply damage and even ruin their life when you do so. Don't do it.

 

[liverpoolfan]

It's morally no better than a suicide bomber - ie "I want to die and if others suffer or are killed as collateral damage that's fine".

Well it's not fine. You have the right to end your own life but not anyone else's.

 

[Lara Francis]

I am sorry @maggot666 .
It can feel like the whole world is against us and we can not get anything right even taking our own life.
Just take a breather and things will become clearer and you may find perspective and a more reliable plan. X

 

[maggot666]

I have till Wednesday if my money goes in early if not Thursday. The heroin won't kill me I only have a vein in my groin which I can't get myself so my only choice is to smoke it which won't kill me. I could try partial hanging again but it just makes me feel like my head is going to explode I will have to be outside as well. I don't want to put this on other people but I am desperate its hell already waiting for Wedns/Thurs I only have a few Amitryptyline left till Tuesday so I can't knock myself out for days. Cutting isn't helping either it hasn't for a while

 

[GeorgeJL]

I know where to get heroin I don't have any veins to use because I was an IV user in my teens besides the quality is shit. I know its bad on the train driver this really is a last resort thing I cannot get partial hanging to work at all

I am sure you can find one more injection site. If not you might be able to inject it subcutaneously or intramuscularly.

 

[dreamofme]

I have till Wednesday if my money goes in early if not Thursday. The heroin won't kill me I only have a vein in my groin which I can't get myself so my only choice is to smoke it which won't kill me. I could try partial hanging again but it just makes me feel like my head is going to explode I will have to be outside as well. I don't want to put this on other people but I am desperate its hell already waiting for Wedns/Thurs I only have a few Amitryptyline left till Tuesday so I can't knock myself out for days. Cutting isn't helping either it hasn't for a while

Jumping?

 

[Liveandlearnagain]

Suicide fucks up a lot of people around you (unless you are really, really on your own and haven't spoken to any family or friends in ten years). But using a train fucks up a person who has nothing at all to do with you, the conductor. Police and coroner's can handle death, they see it all the time, and a lot of times they use a sick sense of humor to deal with it. Not really cool, but it's their job so that's how they deal. They signed up for it too.

But train conductors aren't like that. They signed up for driving a train and hoped things like suicide would never happen while they're on the job. They develop PTSD from it if they are subject to it, and by ending your life you are seriously fucking up another person's life, for the rest of their life. I mean come on, PTSD from that, and then they have to eventually go back to work and GET RIGHT BACK in the cockpit and keep working.

At least many people with PTSD can avoid their triggers and stay away from certain things. Every time a conductor looks around the turn up ahead and thinks he sees something on the track, his heart is going to flutter and his brain is going to turn cold and physically hurt, and he'll feel that dread like when everything is just wrong, more wrong than when you find out your dog dies. Like really, really wrong.

Just a thought, imo it is what it is, but the day the conductor goes home after running over a person, I can't imagine what goes through his mind.

Even with a train engine weighing tons upon tons, the thickness of a human spine or bone will be felt under the wheels by the train driver. They will feel that crunch of a person and running something over on the tracks.

Eventually trains will be self driven by computers (they only have to go forward, unlike cars. They'll figure it out). For now, at least consider the conductor maybe. I don't know.

 

[Lennox]

I'm sorry for what you are going through. But as for methods, maybe you could get fentanyl? Maybe boof it if you have no veins as you say?
If you could find a way to have more time, you could explore the other methods discussed on this site, like the popular SN.

 

[Slate128]

If nothing else works...

My last 3 attempts have been trains. I think it's just about getting on the tracks as soon as you get there, instead of waiting for the train, as its easier to walk in front of nothing than it is a speeding train.

"The driver will be traumatised..." It's unfortunate, but they can gO To tHeRaPy or TaLk tO sOmEoNe, can't they? Id rather one person suffered one sudden trauma than someone else go through decades of multiple traumas.