Help Thinking about opening up to someone about my suicidal thoughts but want some advice first

[MellowAvenue]

Pretty much exactly what the title says, I'm thinking about opening up to someone about my ideations but am unsure who to tell and if I even should. I realized over this weekend I am ready to end it but am lacking the means to do it in a way I feel confident about so instead I'm considering just letting out one last cry for help before I begin thinking of more drastic measures to end my life. I would see a therapist but am unsure if I could afford it. Tried the Suicide Chatline but... I dunno, they tried to help and maybe I didn't open up as much as I needed to for them to give me the right push but it felt too impersonal. I briefly considered telling the HR at my work but quickly realized this is a terrible idea, so that leaves my rather small pool of friends and family that I'm in contact with. I've pretty much narrowed it down to 2 people and am looking for advice or even any stories from people who have done this to try and decide which one to tell and if I really should drop this on them. I kind of know the general rule of thumb is to keep it bottled up unless you have access to a professional to tell it seems, but I don't know if that's a good option for me anymore.

 

[nobodyspecial]

I would go with the person you trust the most. That's usually the safest play. It's really a tricky situation though because the person you think is the best to help you through might end up being the exact opposite as in my case. Anyway, I hope whoever you end up reaching out to of the two gives you the support you need.

 

[MellowAvenue]

Thank you for the well wishes and advice. I'm kind of conflicted because the person I trust the most, my best friend, I'm worried will not take it well and probably immediately tell his Mom, who would probably jump straight to calling the cops about me and discourage him from talking to me anymore. She's not a bad person really but likes to baby him and tends to shield him and even though we are both nearly 30 he still tends to defer to her judgement. Still she was almost a 2nd mother to me so maybe I'm misreading that, maybe.

I think I'll tell one of the only actual family members that I've stayed in contact with. I'm not as close to them honestly but after thinking about that I trust them to keep it to themselves and not do anything about helping me that I don't agree to first.

 

[MellowAvenue]

Update: Figured I'd post an update here, I attempted to get in touch with family today to open up but they said they would call and never followed up. Not sure why. I assume something came up on their end. I reached my tipping point today because I began having thoughts I found to be overly distressing. I'd rather not share those.

I opted to call the Suicide prevention hotline, since previously I had only ever used the chat. Operator immediately gave me the number to a Mobile Crisis unit. Kind of off to a bad start because they promised me that it would just be a therapist, no law enforcement, but because apparently their nearest available therapist isn't so near they will send law enforcement after all to do a check in. At least they called to warn me, but this was something I decidedly wanted to avoid, as I don't want to risk causing a scene where I live. Still, I feel like I may have did the right thing. Best case scenario tonight if I didn't is that I try to OD on toilet bowl cleaner which I know would be a failure. Worst case I was going to jump off a bridge and into traffic since the bridge nearest to me is over a highway. Still wish I had a gun, but maybe I can finally get the help I need. I dunno.

 

[nobodyspecial]

Has law enforcement stopped by? Are you alright given all the circumstances surrounding tonight?

 

[MellowAvenue]

They haven't came by yet. I wouldn't say alright but I'm trying to keep myself calm and in check until either they do or I hear something else from the Crisis responders.

 

[Sisyphus]

Hang in there my man. Hopefully they can help you. I know how it is when you feel there is no more hope left.

 

[nobodyspecial]

They haven't came by yet. I wouldn't say alright but I'm trying to keep myself calm and in check until either they do or I hear something else from the Crisis responders.

That's the best you can do. Hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you.

 

[logan]

You should definitely talk to a trustworthy person.

The moment you speak out about your situation, you become aware of it in a different way. And it can really help to sort out your thoughts.

But I would recommend you to choose someone who does not have a very close emotional bond with you.
Otherwise you will have to expect - as you fear - that you will be forcibly committed.

 

[Sisyphus]

Otherwise you will have to expect - as you fear - that you will be forcibly committed.

I hear this a lot, but I have told many people about my desire to die and also that I have plans. I have told all my friends, family, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc and I still have not been committed.

 

[logan]

I hear this a lot, but I have told many people about my desire to die and also that I have plans. I have told all my friends, family, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc and I still have not been committed.

Do you want to go to a clinic?
In most cases that doesn't help - but maybe it will help you too.

Or do you feel that your problems are not taken seriously enough?

 

[Sisyphus]

Do you want to go to a clinic?
In most cases that doesn't help - but maybe it will help you too.

Or do you feel that your problems are not taken seriously enough?

I am just straightforward with it. I don't want to hide my feelings. Maybe it would help if I went to a clinic, and I have nothing to lose.

 

[MellowAvenue]

I hear this a lot, but I have told many people about my desire to die and also that I have plans. I have told all my friends, family, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc and I still have not been committed.

I know it's actually very rare to be forcibly admitted in psychiatric care. I think that's usually reserved for people who both clearly intend to act on their suicidal thoughts and absolutely have the means to do so with any desire for their own safety gone. Still will admit it's one of my concerns about opening up. I'd have to feel confident the place I'm going to would actually help but that's very hard to gauge if it's a place you've never really been too before.

Small update: Police still haven't came by, but the crisis responder coming to me said she's an hour away. I'm kind of just thinking about how I could be dead right now. I'm curious if this is par the course for them or not. Trying to distract myself with those thoughts and staying on this thread in the mean time.

 

[logan]

I know it's actually very rare to be forcibly admitted in psychiatric care. I think that's usually reserved for people who both clearly intend to act on their suicidal thoughts and absolutely have the means to do so with any desire for their own safety gone. Still will admit it's one of my concerns about opening up. I'd have to feel confident the place I'm going to would actually help but that's very hard to gauge if it's a place you've never really been too before.

Small update: Police still haven't came by, but the responder coming to me said she's an hour away. I'm kind of just thinking about how I could be dead right now. I'm curious if this is par the course for them or not. Trying to distract myself with those thoughts and staying on this thread in the mean time.

That certainly depends on the respective assessment of the situation by the authorities and in which country you live.

 

[Sisyphus]

That certainly depends on the respective assessment of the situation by the authorities and in which country you live.

They ask me if I have a time and I tell them the truth, that I don't know when it will be, probably some time next year. That seems to satisfy them that it's not an immediate danger.

 

[logan]

They ask me if I have a time and I tell them the truth, that I don't know when it will be, probably some time next year. That seems to satisfy them that it's not an immediate danger.

Of course, that's irresponsible in a way that they don't take it seriously.

But this system is designed in such a way that help is often only given in acute situations.
That is why you should not expect too much from a clinic by staying there.

 

[mold]

i've told my partner, and only my partner, since i trust them the most. essentially, whoever you trust most!

 

[MellowAvenue]

Another update: Eventually the responder came, with 3 patrol cars. Basically was exactly what I was trying to avoid since it was going on as people were up and leaving for work and stuff. I threw up. The person who gave the assessment was annoyed that I was told there wouldn't be law enforcement, saying that they should never be told that. Ultimately recommended I go the hospital to be evaluated and at least get into out-patient care.

Currently at hospital. So far it feels like almost every other hospital visit I've ever had except they are keeping a closer eye on me. They want me to give a urine test so I'm guessing they are going to do that to make sure I'm not on drugs or whatever, prescribe anti-depressants and link me to a therapist then send me on my way. I just hope whatever they do helps me.

 

[Pure]

Another update: Eventually the responder came, with 3 patrol cars. Basically was exactly what I was trying to avoid since it was going on as people were up and leaving for work and stuff. I threw up. The person who gave the assessment was annoyed that I was told there wouldn't be law enforcement, saying that they should never be told that. Ultimately recommended I go the hospital to be evaluated and at least get into out-patient care.

Currently at hospital. So far it feels like almost every other hospital visit I've ever had except they are keeping a closer eye on me. They want me to give a urine test so I'm guessing they are going to do that to make sure I'm not on drugs or whatever, prescribe anti-depressants and link me to a therapist then send me on my way. I just hope whatever they do helps me.

I hope everything works out good for you!

 

[Rhaiyne]

Thinking of you and holding onto hope for you mate. You've done right asking for help. Try to explain to them what help you need exactly and engage with the help as best as you can. You've got this mate.

 

[logan]

I hope and wish that you will end up in good hands and that this step will help you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope things work out for you.