Thinking about cutting my head off

[Living_Ghost]

Well I am thinking that but I'm not gonna do it obviously
I just looked at "her " Facebook.
And I can't fucking handle it.
She's in love and she looks more beautiful than ever , and I'm well,l I'm fucking here.
Day after day of nothingness .
How the fuck do you let someone go ?
I love her and actually hate her in equal measure .
She ruined me and she don't even care.
She's in love with that pompous little prick . Sure he is handsome .has more money than me , has tons of friends, looks like a fun guy ,hell I'm sure he has a bigger dick too .
But I fucking love her .
She was my last chance , and I'm a lock in since she left .
Clever girl .
But I can't get over the bitch .
So I must die . But I can't bring down my struggling family right now. They had it too hard already .
So I exist . Like that painting .Scream is it? You know the one .That's me. In hell every waking moment .
Helpful thought ,stop looking at her Facebook.
But I love her and want to see her.
Must I die for you must I die like this .

 

[Final Escape]

Well I am thinking that but I'm not gonna do it obviously
I just looked at "her " Facebook.
And I can't fucking handle it.
She's in love and she looks more beautiful than ever , and I'm well,l I'm fucking here.
Day after day of nothingness .
How the fuck do you let someone go ?
I love her and actually hate her in equal measure .
She ruined me and she don't even care.
She's in love with that pompous little prick . Sure he is handsome .has more money than me , has tons of friends, looks like a fun guy ,hell I'm sure he has a bigger dick too .
But I fucking love her .
She was my last chance , and I'm a lock in since she left .
Clever girl .
But I can't get over the bitch .
So I must die . But I can't bring down my struggling family right now. They had it too hard already .
So I exist . Like that painting .Scream is it? You know the one .That's me. In hell every waking moment .
Helpful thought ,stop looking at her Facebook.
But I love her and want to see her.
Must I die for you must I die like this .

First, how old are u? Second, I think you are extremely heartbroken right now and I've experienced something this obsessive before too. It really takes time to overcome heartbreak and it is worse for some people than others depending on some factors that make u more vulnerable from childhood. You must get rid of Facebook for now or however you can lower your risk of looking at and checking on her.

 

[Miss clefable]

Daaaaam

 

[Limbo]

Everyone goes through heartbreak once in awhile. I think this is the wrong forum for this bud, try support forums which cater to this need. Im telling you though facebook has made getting over heartbreak really difficult, hell being friend suggested with your ex on a day you werent even thinking about her lol

 

[Living_Ghost]

First, how old are u? Second, I think you are extremely heartbroken right now and I've experienced something this obsessive before too. It really takes time to overcome heartbreak and it is worse for some people than others depending on some factors that make u more vulnerable from childhood. You must get rid of Facebook for now or however you can lower your risk of looking at and checking on her.

I mean ,there would be some excuse if I was young or something. But I'm pushing 40 ,which must seem hilarious I'm sure to some ,but I saw it as my last chance at happiness with someone younger and very pretty .And yes I had a fucked up childhood ,and yes I never seemed to get what I wanted in life ,and hell anytime things had promise I self sabotaged myself . That's just real hate of oneself I think. Anyway its 3 years now of complete isolation ,and yes its obsessive and all wrong but I can't shake it . Funny thing is if she came back to me tomorrow I'd be in no fit state to hold any form of relationship. Its just a fucked up person now who has reached the end of the line. I took to blaming her for my own failings in life . As I saw a guy say on another thread ,suicide is the only dignified way out at this stage.

 

[Living_Ghost]

Everyone goes through heartbreak once in awhile. I think this is the wrong forum for this bud, try support forums which cater to this need. Im telling you though facebook has made getting over heartbreak really difficult, hell being friend suggested with your ex on a day you werent even thinking about her lol

Its not the wrong place but it should be in the offtopic section maybe . I'm suicidal every day for fucking years now . I literally didn't raise a smile for I don't know how long. I really should be dead a long time ago. So this is the only place I can literally speak to anybody who understands ,even if that makes me feel like an even bigger fucking loser .

 

[Limbo]

Its not the wrong place but it should be in the offtopic section maybe . I'm suicidal every day for fucking years now . I literally didn't raise a smile for I don't know how long. I really should be dead a long time ago. So this is the only place I can literally speak to anybody who understands ,even if that makes me feel like an even bigger fucking loser .

Youre not a loser, youre heartbroken. I know what it feels like. I dont know what to tell you though. Just if you want to cbt do it for yourself, not to hurt her. She probably wont care after a day or two., thats the harsh truth.

 

[undertherainbow]

Unpopular opinion alert:
I dont know what happened between you two but I've been the girl in this situation more times than I can even flippin remember.
She does not complete you. Nobody should have this much power over your own sacred decision to ctb. No one. I was pissed at several past boyfriends that put their decision to ctb on me. I used to think that I would ctb if my husband ever cheated on me, but really I was looking for a good excuse to go through with it. I dunno if that's you, but that's some food for thought.

 

[Living_Ghost]

Unpopular opinion alert:
I dont know what happened between you two but I've been the girl in this situation more times than I can even flippin remember.
She does not complete you. Nobody should have this much power over your own sacred decision to ctb. No one. I was pissed at several past boyfriends that put their decision to ctb on me. I used to think that I would ctb if my husband ever cheated on me, but really I was looking for a good excuse to go through with it. I dunno if that's you, but that's some food for thought.

Its not unpopular its just an opinion. Sure its wrong and fucked up being obsessive about her , but I ain't got fuck all else that's for sure . I opted out of life after her and now I'm fucked . I don't see a recovery . Sure it has become an excuse or the reason to CBT ,its the final kick in the balls to me

 

[Miss clefable]

Dont kill yourself over heartbreak, terminal illness or lifelong illness ok but not things that can be rectified

What

 

[skitliv]

Don't let anyone tell you why you should or shouldn't kill yourself, thats personal and your suffering is valid, whatever it is

 

[Lovemykids]

How long have u break up
You're at point of grieveness not depression

 

[Limbo]

How long have u break up
You're at point of grieveness not depression

he said 3 years, which is far from grievance. Its a toxic obsession that is destroying him from the inside. Being 40 also doesn't help as a man. Ive slept with many 40+ women at the age of 20-25. I dont know if its the same the other way around (im 29 in case youre wondering)

Have you tried therapy op?

 

[NoValueInVictimhood]

I'd like to ask, how do you plan to do it?

 

[Limbo]

I'd like to ask, how do you plan to do it?

Im sure he wasnt being literal

 

[Jai]

Ma

Well I am thinking that but I'm not gonna do it obviously
I just looked at "her " Facebook.
And I can't fucking handle it.
She's in love and she looks more beautiful than ever , and I'm well,l I'm fucking here.
Day after day of nothingness .
How the fuck do you let someone go ?
I love her and actually hate her in equal measure .
She ruined me and she don't even care.
She's in love with that pompous little prick . Sure he is handsome .has more money than me , has tons of friends, looks like a fun guy ,hell I'm sure he has a bigger dick too .
But I fucking love her .
She was my last chance , and I'm a lock in since she left .
Clever girl .
But I can't get over the bitch .
So I must die . But I can't bring down my struggling family right now. They had it too hard already .
So I exist . Like that painting .Scream is it? You know the one .That's me. In hell every waking moment .
Helpful thought ,stop looking at her Facebook.
But I love her and want to see her.
Must I die for you must I die like this .[/QUOTE mate I was married for almost 20 years she divorced me there was some evidence of an affair but she treated me like we never happened I loved her for months afterwards and yes it still hurts me to the core but you have to understand they don't give a fuck about you or your feelings she stopped a year ago even sending me pictures of my kids and won't let me contact them worst of all I wasted my life on her looking back retrospectively I saw the signs but didn't want to believe them she just threatened me with the police if I tried to make contact she tried three times to get me arr stated but I didn't fall for her traps but everything I worked for was taken away that's why the bus is calling my name

 

[Jai]

Mate I was married for almost 20 years and was divorced lost everything there is evidence that she had an affair she acted like we never were together she won't let me contact her or my kids been over a year since she even sent me a photo of them I loved her for the longest after we divorced I begged on my knees worst of all I still have no reason from her why that's why the bus is calling me

 

[Lovemykids]

Mate I was married for almost 20 years and was divorced lost everything there is evidence that she had an affair she acted like we never were together she won't let me contact her or my kids been over a year since she even sent me a photo of them I loved her for the longest after we divorced I begged on my knees worst of all I still have no reason from her why that's why the bus is calling me

IM in same boat as u expect she didnt have affair but she torn my child away from me and building up story in family court

I feel you

 

[undertherainbow]

Its not unpopular its just an opinion. Sure its wrong and fucked up being obsessive about her , but I ain't got fuck all else that's for sure . I opted out of life after her and now I'm fucked . I don't see a recovery . Sure it has become an excuse or the reason to CBT ,its the final kick in the balls to me

I'm really sorry about how fucked this made you feel. The more you post, the more I'm beginning to get a clear picture. I just hope you realize that she wasn't "it"

 

[undertherainbow]

IM in same boat as u expect she didnt have affair but she torn my child away from me and building up story in family court

I feel you

I hate stories like this I used to work with kids who were caught in the middle, usually thanks to an irrational mom.

 

[Jai]

IM in same boat as u expect she didnt have affair but she torn my child away from me and building up story in family court

I feel you

Same deal got taken to the cleaners by family court Oscar winning performance and the fact that I did nothing kills me she wanted me out so she fuck someone else worst thing is she was sneaking a man around my kids in my bed in my house it's awful but somehow I got made the villain I did call her a whore and that ended up with me having a restraining order against me

 

[Jai]

Th

I hate stories like this I used to work with kids who were caught in the middle, usually thanks to an irrational mom.

the system is biased they believe 99% of what ever the woman says

 

[Jai]

Th

the system is biased they believe 99% of what ever the woman says

Same with when I got sectioned I unloaded the pistol and placed it back ( I know I'm wrong here but I don't as covering my tracks ) I told the police we was having an end of the realionship argument she said I was going to shoot myself with absolutely no proof of anything just her words and the fact I did have a legal gun they just took her word with out letting me counter and I was whisked away to the joys of the psych ward

 

[Schopenhauer]

I was in a relationship with a younger woman too. For several reasons (99% my fault) we had to break up. I still miss her badly, though. Very badly. If it didn't work with her, it won't work with anyone.

She's the only reason I have postponed this decision for the past two years: she's not enough to make life good, but she did make it considerably better, almost bearable.

 

[Jai]

I was in a relationship with a younger woman too. For several reasons (99% my fault) we had to break up. I still miss her badly, though. Very badly. If it didn't work with her, it won't work with anyone.

She's the only reason I have postponed this decision for the past two years: she's not enough to make life good, but she did make it considerably better, almost bearable.

Woman are the worst you give you life to them then they just throw you away like trash

 

[Schopenhauer]

Woman are the worst you give you life to them then they just throw you away like trash

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at her. It's all my fault, for reasons that I really don't want to talk about here. I hope she's happy now (she was prone to suicidal ideation as well). She has a chance of being happy, while I don't (and never did, really). I don't want to drag anyone down with me.

 

[Jai]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at her. It's all my fault, for reasons that I really don't want to talk about here. I hope she's happy now (she was prone to suicidal ideation as well). She has a chance of being happy, while I don't (and never did, really). I don't want to drag anyone down with me.

Fair and noble of you sir I can't however say the same about my ex we were together since our early twenties she's all I've known and never felt feeling like I had for her now she's gone and I'm just a hollow shell who doesn't really feel anything and she hates me to this day I still look back and try to figure out where it all went wrong and it cripples me I'll be on that bus soon just have to make it look like I 'disappeared ' can't have anyone finding out I'd rather they think I was a cunt and just left

 

[undertherainbow]

Th

the system is biased they believe 99% of what ever the woman says

Yep and now I'm mad. I had to tell a dad once that he couldn't pick up his daughters from school just because mom was a turd. This is why teachers buy wine by the case.

 

[Lovemykids]

I don't even know where my child lives nor where he go to school

 

[GeorgeEastman]

I guess maybe a big ole real sharp sword if you swing it hard enough at your neck might do it. No way I could go that way. I have trust issues. Wouldn't trust the sword. Scared it would just bounce off and cut me real bad.

I need a method that ends it immediately.