Story things will never get better

[weonaestupida]

i have 20 y/o so can you imagine how many people tell me that i have a lot to live or that i'm too young to die ,and sometimes i try to think like that you know ,like "things will get better" but at the same time i met online and real life people who have idk more that 40 y/o who feel the same pain that i do and they don't ctb bc are too afraid maybe , but makes me think that i'm going to be that person ,no matter how much i want to find a reason to live or how many treatments i take ,if i get to 40 i will feel the same ,it's just my curse
people like many of us don't have another choice

 

[Scribble Fan]

I've wondered about that too. What good am I doing, condemning myself to possibly 55+ more years of this despair... none. I can't even comprehend going through that. For fuck's sake, I can't even see one more year like this.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

i have 20 y/o so can you imagine how many people tell me that i have a lot to live or that i'm too young to die ,and sometimes i try to think like that you know ,like "things will get better" but at the same time i met online and real life people who have idk more that 40 y/o who feel the same pain that i do and they don't ctb bc are too afraid maybe , but makes me think that i'm going to be that person ,no matter how much i want to find a reason to live or how many treatments i take ,if i get to 40 i will feel the same ,it's just my curse
people like many of us don't have another choice

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I do understand wanting to die. I can't tell you what is right for you.
I think if I would have been able to die in my early 20's I could have saved myself years of misery.
The platitudes like "Things will get better" & "This is temporary" don't help.
For some people things do get better but for many of us they don't.
I hope you find peace with whatever you choose.

I've wondered about that too. What good am I doing, condemning myself to possibly 55+ more years of this despair... none. I can't even comprehend going through that. For fuck's sake, I can't even see one more year like this.

I feel the same... the last few years have been extremely hellish.

 

[LaBrava]

I guess everyone's different. For me, after a terrible childhood I had some experiences in my 20s and 30s and even in my 40s which I do cherish, albeit along with plenty of not good stuff, so I'm glad I stuck around for those. That said the world has changed a lot.

 

[Mljonzy]

Well ithought things would get better when this started at 14 years old. I thought once i finished school i would be just like anyone else but oh my was i wrong. I'm almost 30 now and old enough to realise that this is for life not saying everyone will be this way but the reality is most of us will have this until we die. What do i know though i'm just messed up in the head.

 

[Ruffian]

I guess everyone's different. For me, after a terrible childhood I had some experiences in my 20s and 30s and even in my 40s which I do cherish, albeit along with plenty of not good stuff, so I'm glad I stuck around for those. That said the world has changed a lot.

I forget how much the world itself has to do with me being here. It's just different now, and I think I'm ready to get off. I seriously looked at my boyfriend a few months ago and said, the playoffs are over (NFL), I watched all the American Horror Stories, what am I going to do now? I feel so frozen and afraid to do anything. I am glad for the time in my 40s with my boyfriend, but it's hell being in a relationship after the passion fades or things aren't as new and exciting. No disrespect to anyone who's here because they think they'll never be loved. I had a great time in my early 20s, and I thought that's how life would always be. The fact that it isn't has pissed me off for the last 25 years.