Venting Things that made life worthwhile are gone.

[Meditation guide]

I wish I had one or two things I could still do that I enjoy. Things I love that I don't have anymore:

the beach, ocean
pets
long nature hikes
swimming
exercising at the gym
taking a walk
taking a driving vacation
horseback riding
shopping in stores

Pain from more than one physical problem has removed all the things I enjoyed from my life. And when my last pet died I didn't get another since I feel unable to care for one. So now my only wish is a painless way to die. My life, which I used to enjoy, is bleak.

I feel like I'm in a sci-fi horror story where I'm just a head in a glass jar. The head is alive and can think and have emotions, but that's all. Thanks for giving me a place to express this.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Wow this really hit me. You are such a loving soul. I hate what the world has done to you. Wish I could help but know you are always in my thoughts

 

[Gnip]

I hope you can retain fond memories from all the things you enjoyed. (There is very little from my past which does not give me the nightmares I have always had.)

The best parts of my life were the parts spent in isolation. I hope the information from this site helps me return to a permanent state of isolation.

 

[issyishere]

I see your posts and I would never assume that you’re in this kind of pain. You’re a really strong and beautiful person. I hate that we have to be on this site together under these circumstances but I’m glad I could be here to see your posts. I agree with the other poster that the world is just cruel for no reason sometimes. Sometimes I try to look for reasons why bad things happen to good people but I come up short. Hoping, praying, wishing for better days for you OP. Hoping the pain will just fuck off for a little bit and allow to enjoy your interests at least one last time or at least let you remember them fondly with no regrets. Thinking of you and we’re here for you.

 

[Gnip]

I see your posts and I would never assume that you’re in this kind of pain. You’re a really strong and beautiful person. I hate that we have to be on this site together under these circumstances but I’m glad I could be here to see your posts. I agree with the other poster that the world is just cruel for no reason sometimes. Sometimes I try to look for reasons why bad things happen to good people but I come up short. Hoping, praying, wishing for better days for you OP. Hoping the pain will just fuck off for a little bit and allow to enjoy your interests at least one last time or at least let you remember them fondly with no regrets. Thinking of you and we’re here for you.

I sometimes had idly wondered about actually reading "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harold Kushner, but think an explanation of why good things happen to rotten people would be more revealing and instructive.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I wish I had one or two things I could still do that I enjoy. Things I love that I don't have anymore:

the beach, ocean
pets
long nature hikes
swimming
exercising at the gym
taking a walk
taking a driving vacation
horseback riding
shopping in stores

Pain from more than one physical problem has removed all the things I enjoyed from my life. And when my last pet died I didn't get another since I feel unable to care for one. So now my only wish is a painless way to die. My life, which I used to enjoy, is bleak.

I feel like I'm in a sci-fi horror story where I'm just a head in a glass jar. The head is alive and can think and have emotions, but that's all. Thanks for giving me a place to express this.

My Staffie sends You a furry hug and a friendly Woof!

 

[justanotherstar]

I’m so sorry for your pain and suffering OP, in the time I’ve been here you have always been such a loving soul, if I could give you one last chance to enjoy something I would but in the absence of being able to do that have some hugs

 

[foxdie]

I wish I had one or two things I could still do that I enjoy. Things I love that I don't have anymore:

the beach, ocean
pets
long nature hikes
swimming
exercising at the gym
taking a walk
taking a driving vacation
horseback riding
shopping in stores

Pain from more than one physical problem has removed all the things I enjoyed from my life. And when my last pet died I didn't get another since I feel unable to care for one. So now my only wish is a painless way to die. My life, which I used to enjoy, is bleak.

I feel like I'm in a sci-fi horror story where I'm just a head in a glass jar. The head is alive and can think and have emotions, but that's all. Thanks for giving me a place to express this.

You're pain is so unfair, it breaks my heart for you. You're such an intelligent and caring soul. I wish your physical pain would go away because your mind is a gift to this world. Sending hugs

 

[constant_grief]

Yep chronic health problems can be a complete nightmare, they just grind you down

 

[Spitfire]

I am sorry Meditation guide but I am really glad you are here and we have all had an opportunity for all of us to get to know each another a little bit more deeply in the way that it happens. Thanks for being you.

 

[Gnip]

Yep chronic health problems can be a complete nightmare, they just grind you down

Some of mine were caused by school psychologist induced severe stress. Ultimately, the ridiculous tension and unrelenting anxiety they deliberately aggravated and exploited for economic gain compressed my cervical and lumbar disks so much that I lost three inches in height and grew painful bone spurs to compensate for the resulting loss in disk thickness.

If any of you have children who are so stressed out that they are chewing their fingernails and pulling at their hair (trichotillomania) or grinding away their teeth (bruxism), this is one potential long term outcome if they are not relieved of their chronic tension and stress, the pursuit of suicide for chronic pain relief.

Pain in my head, neck and back, along with pinched nerves from bone spurs and root canals along with an extracted tooth caused by clenched teeth, all due to unrelenting stress inflicted upon me by brain dead and retarded degrees in "teaching" and so-called mental "health." (My histrionic teacher/parents are among the stupid villains in my story.)

Unless you are at peace with the world and can keep your offspring safely at peace with the world, you should never consider choosing to have children, because life is inherently evil.

 

[justsad&done]

How can life be so cruel and unfair? I'm sorry for your suffering and pain.
When we are unable to enjoy the simple things that once made us happy, what is the point of going on?
Hugs

 

[constant_grief]

Some of mine were caused by school psychologist induced severe stress. Ultimately, the ridiculous tension and unrelenting anxiety they deliberately aggravated and exploited for economic gain compressed my cervical and lumbar disks so much that I lost three inches in height and grew painful bone spurs to compensate for the resulting loss in disk thickness.

If any of you have children who are so stressed out that they are chewing their fingernails and pulling at their hair (trichotillomania) or grinding away their teeth (bruxism), this is one potential long term outcome if they are not relieved of their chronic tension and stress, the pursuit of suicide for chronic pain relief.

Pain in my head, neck and back, along with pinched nerves from bone spurs and root canals along with an extracted tooth caused by clenched teeth, all due to unrelenting stress inflicted upon me by brain dead and retarded degrees in "teaching" and so-called mental "health." (My histrionic teacher/parents are among the stupid villains in my story.)

Unless you are at peace with the world and can keep your offspring safely at peace with the world, you should never consider choosing to have children, because life is inherently evil.

Yep, it's a vicious circle. Problems -> stress response -> more problems. The body really beats itself up.

Well I doubt I can have children anyway as my fertility is crap. My sperm quality is atrocious, despite all my efforts to keep in good shape.

 

[sadworld]

I'm so sorry @Meditation guide

Physical pain must be really hard to deal with... I hope you can find peace one day and everything works out for you.

I like you alot! Hugs

 

[Meditation guide]

It seems impossible I won't get better but it's been a few years now I've been this way. This hit me suddenly one night, and I don't have any diagnosis aside from a slipped disk I got at the gym from weight lifting which causes the worst pain. Even with that I was doing really well and was very active. Something happened one night that woke me up with drenching night sweats which continued for a month, along with feeling terribly sick for about one year. No diagnosis for that. I could barely move for a year and still have a hard time moving. I think it's from the water, which has small amounts of lead and arsenic and a heavy metals test showed those also in my blood. I tried to find a toxicologist without luck, it's a rare specialty.

I have a couple of other things I was dealing with very well.

So anyway there has been zero medical help for me. I saw a heart doctor a few times and had tests but they were all ok. My heart is perfect.

 

[sadworld]

My heart is perfect.

You have a beautiful heart

 

[Gnip]

It seems impossible I won't get better but it's been a few years now I've been this way. This hit me suddenly one night, and I don't have any diagnosis aside from a slipped disk I got at the gym from weight lifting which causes the worst pain. Even with that I was doing really well and was very active. Something happened one night that woke me up with drenching night sweats which continued for a month, along with feeling terribly sick for about one year. No diagnosis for that. I could barely move for a year and still have a hard time moving. I think it's from the water, which has small amounts of lead and arsenic and a heavy metals test showed those also in my blood. I tried to find a toxicologist without luck, it's a rare specialty.

I have a couple of other things I was dealing with very well.

So anyway there has been zero medical help for me. I saw a heart doctor a few times and had tests but they were all ok. My heart is perfect.

Have you tried locating a competent chiropractor or osteopath to help you with that slipped disk? (I ask because I lucked out with a great chiropractor, but when he temporarily retired, my, my parents and friends went though several inept ones.)

Thinking of looking for a competent yoga instructor which my health coverage might pay for the services of, but there are a multitude of bad ones practicing in my area.

Do you have access to a source of bottled distilled water for testing your theory about arsenic and lead? (For a while I tried using distilled water for making coffee, tea and other beverages as well as providing drinking water many eons ago, but bad water was not connected to any of my issues.)

 

[Lastsauce]

Problems -> stress response -> more problems. The body really beats itself up.

This simple but vicious circle was enough to wreck my life.

 

[Pookie]

So sorry. I’m a chronic pain sufferer too. I grieve the person I used to be before the pain and illness. There’s nothing left of me now.

 

[Hoarsewithnoname]

Also dealing with chronic pain, among other problems. I really don't think people who don't have it realize how devastating it is to a) not only have the pain all the time but b) have no hope that the pain will ever get better.

 

[Pookie]

Also dealing with chronic pain, among other problems. I really don't think people who don't have it realize how devastating it is to a) not only have the pain all the time but b) have no hope that the pain will ever get better.

That’s exactly it. The fact that I know there’s no cure for this pain, there’ll never be an end to it because I won’t die from it.

 

[k75]

I'm so sorry. The specifics are different, but I completely understand what you're feeling. I wish I could help in some way.

 

[Meditation guide]

Since this happened where I'm basically unable to do anything, I've convinced myself I can enjoy learning and exploring new subjects on the internet and it's been an ok diversion. I'm reaching the end of how much longer I can go with only the internet.