Discussion Things 'just working out'

[BipolarGuy]

Does anyone else ever feel that the universe is pushing them in a certain direction in life, as though things just seem to line up or happen in such a way to push you in a certain direction?

I don't mean thinking that there is literally somebody 'up there' conspiring against you, I mean that, somehow, things just line up so well that it feels as though the universe is pushing you in that direction...

I've heard people say to each other that
"The stars have lined up..."
"Doors have opened for you..."
"Somebody up there is taking care of things..."

Usually these types of sayings are reserved for positive situations, for instance starting a new career, getting a new job, getting pregnant, meeting a new partner, sale of a house going through...

But I feel that things have really 'conspired' to push me to bring harm to myself.

There have been serious overarching issues in my life for years: housing issues, financial problems, employment issues, etc.
But 'smaller' issues have presented themselves day to day, e.g. people who I thought were good friends or family being incredibly nasty and judgemental.

Now, something else has happened which is weird partly due to timing.
I have decided that I'd like to use sodium pentobarbital, but I quickly realised it may be out of my price range.
I then get a letter from HMRC indicating that I have a SIGNIFICANT tax refund owed to me. No it's not a scam of some kind, I've been in touch with HMRC.
So I will be able to afford it easily!

I have no idea whether there is a God, but I wonder why some people's lives are 'blessed' so incredibly positively whereas the only door that seems to open in the lives of others is one that gives them the opportunity to take their own life relatively peacefully.

 

[rt1989526]

Yes, I feel like I've been pushed in the direction to CTB. I've kind of felt like this is always how it would go. Now more than ever it's unbearable and I need to go.

 

[Nymph]

Not really, the things that will happen to me are all my fault because I don't want to do anything with my life. I just want to die

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Does anyone else ever feel that the universe is pushing them in a certain direction in life, as though things just seem to line up or happen in such a way to push you in a certain direction?

I don't mean thinking that there is literally somebody 'up there' conspiring against you, I mean that, somehow, things just line up so well that it feels as though the universe is pushing you in that direction...

I've heard people say to each other that
"The stars have lined up..."
"Doors have opened for you..."
"Somebody up there is taking care of things..."

Usually these types of sayings are reserved for positive situations, for instance starting a new career, getting a new job, getting pregnant, meeting a new partner, sale of a house going through...

But I feel that things have really 'conspired' to push me to bring harm to myself.

There have been serious overarching issues in my life for years: housing issues, financial problems, employment issues, etc.
But 'smaller' issues have presented themselves day to day, e.g. people who I thought were good friends or family being incredibly nasty and judgemental.

Now, something else has happened which is weird partly due to timing.
I have decided that I'd like to use sodium pentobarbital, but I quickly realised it may be out of my price range.
I then get a letter from HMRC indicating that I have a SIGNIFICANT tax refund owed to me. No it's not a scam of some kind, I've been in touch with HMRC.
So I will be able to afford it easily!

I have no idea whether there is a God, but I wonder why some people's lives are 'blessed' so incredibly positively whereas the only door that seems to open in the lives of others is one that gives them the opportunity to take their own life relatively peacefully.

It's almost like life is finally saying "ok, I see you've had enough"

 

[BipolarGuy]

It's almost like life is finally saying "ok, I see you've had enough"

Yes, I do feel like that.

I can't wait for this tax refund to come through...

I'm in two minds where to do 'it' though.
Somewhere quiet and peaceful where I'll be alone, or on the grounds of the local mental health services place where I've been trying to get help for years, to make a bit of a statement.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Life, no matter how much people may find it frustrating, is largely random chance. You can try as hard as you want and still get beat by someone who seems to have just hit all the right luck in life.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Yes, I do feel like that.

I can't wait for this tax refund to come through...

I'm in two minds where to do 'it' though.
Somewhere quiet and peaceful where I'll be alone, or on the grounds of the local mental health services place where I've been trying to get help for years, to make a bit of a statement.

Life just kicks me when I'm down. I just got hit with an $18,000 bill that I can't afford. Guess I haven't had enough shit yet

 

[Wayfaerer]

Yes but I think that's common. I know i've had some unique chance occurrences that have happened in my life at the worst possible times and I think that there must be some greater intelligence behind it. Of course, I don't really think that but the awful timing of my life is appalling.

 

[stillweary]

I feel the same way. No doors ever opened up for me, no matter how much I exhausted myself pounding on them. Everything I ever worked for was typically destroyed very quickly, usually by a freak accident or illness. What's ironic is that such horrible luck is what made me believe in a higher power in the first place. It simply happened too often to be caused by random chance alone.

Eventually I saw an old yew tree growing deep in the forest, and I took it as a confirmation that, yes, CTB is the way that things will ultimately go.

Despite believing that there is more to this world than what meets the eye, I do not believe that there is a greater "purpose" or "lesson" in all of this. That type of gaslighting won't work on me anymore. I know that I deserved better than this, and I will be parting ways with anything that tries to make me believe otherwise.