Things I think about, and rabbit holes I go down, that bring me comfort...

[Pain In The Ass]

These are some snippets of info I find comforting, and some of the most common things I find myself thinking about or reading about often, usually late at night, that always seem to bring me comfort when I'm feeling like the end is near.

Since Humans officially became Humans, about 200,000 years ago, approximately 100 billion of us have lived and died, a majority of them died as children, and a majority of them never having lived a life anyone would describe as a life well-lived!

About 150,000 people died TODAY on this planet
About 55 million will die this year
To think that my death is a big deal, amongst all those other deaths, feels kinda narcissistic!

20% of people do not make it to 65 (after paying into a pension their whole working lives!)
40% do not make it to 75
60% do not make it to 85
From what I can see, life after 85 for most is miserable and painful, and involves praying daily that God will end it all soon for you whilst you're asleep, so who cares how many make it to 85+

I also love reading about celebrities who died young, going through the weeks and days before their deaths, and the last 24 hours of their lives - the main ones I read about over and over are Elvis, Chris Farley and John Belushi.

I also love reading about odd characters, reclusive types, or people who lived under false identities, who killed themselves or mysteriously died. These are the main ones that bring me comfort for some reason...

Somerton Man - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Peter Bergmann case - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Joseph Newton Chandler III - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Lyle Stevik - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Lori Erica Ruff - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

Body on the Moor

Why did this man travel 200 miles to die here?

www.bbc.co.uk

General lists of suicides of significant people...

List of suicides - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I love reading about people who mysteriously disappeared and haven't been found...

Lists of people who disappeared - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

I love going through the database of unidentified bodies in the UK...

UK Missing Persons Unit

And I love reading about Beachy Head suicides in the UK...
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/breaking-ten-bodies-found-bottom-12794395
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/jun/18/mother-son-found-dead-at-beachy-head-eastbourne
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...twined-the-twins-found-at-dovers-white-cliffs

I also love reading about the police process for if someone goes missing (I enjoy planning how I would evade the police if I go missing before CTB)...

What will happen if I go missing?

If you leave home, disappear or go missing, it is likely that someone will report your disappearance to the police. This will probably be someone you live with,

www.missingpeople.org.uk

And the high rate of suicides that happen in hotels...

The Ripple Effect of Death in a Hotel

Content warning: this article explores in detail suicidal ideation and methodology. In 1912, the Washington Post reported that an “Esthetic Nobleman” named Count August Seymore had planned to const…

lithub.com

I tend to just circulate around all these subjects, and they bring me comfort!

Does anyone else have anything similar to this?

 

[whatevs]

This is quite something! You are an actual necrophage, or necrophile. What brings you solace is usually horrifying or off-putting for people. But these specimens are boring because of their abundance, I'd like to see you studied instead.

These subjects don't comfort me, but neither they distress me. I'd rather read about serial killers or an article pin-pointing occultic symbology in pop-culture.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

This is quite something! You are an actual necrophage, or necrophile. What brings you solace is usually horrifying or off-putting for people. But these specimens are boring because of their abundance, I'd like to see you studied instead.

These subjects don't comfort me, but neither they distress me. I'd rather read about serial killers or an article pin-pointing occultic symbology in pop-culture.

The horrific nature of these things isn't lost on me, but it brings me relief and comfort to know that tragedy is usual, that dying without getting that happy-ending happens all the time, that unfulfilled ambitions are incredibly common - it helps stop me from raising my first to God and asking, 'WHY ME?!', because it's not just me, it's a majority of the people who have ever lived and died. It helps to control my angry, resentful, self-centered, self-pitying side.

I would agree that it is odd to find relief in the thought of someone's last movements, and moments, before they died. Imagining Chris Farley, for example, taking his last few breaths before the heroin and cocaine finally overpower his system, and he becomes the most relaxed, stress-free, ego-free, untroubled state a person could possibly be in - that makes me smile and feel warm inside! Or a body floating in the sea at the bottom of Beachy Head, finally trouble-free, free from desire, with a smile on its face!

I love reading about serial killers too, especially the ones from 100 years or so ago, who never got caught. The thought of someone you know, a neighbor, who you say hi to every day, harbouring a secret like that. If you knew what they got up to when no one's watching you'd be mortified.

Did you see the story about the man who was having sex with corpses in the NHS morgue last year? I'm as repulsed by the act as anyone, but I have to say that the idea if him living with that secret for 20 years, saying hi to his neighbours, and no one knowing what this seemingly normal man gets up to when no one's watching, causes me to feel some kind of cosiness, a warm pleasurable feeling.

I remember shitting on the floor of the boys toilet in middle school, and all the boys had to stay in at break because no one would admit to it, and that felt so good, harbouring that secret. You can force me to go to school, detain me, bully me, but you can't get in my head, that's my secret private place!

I'm just rambling now...

 

[whatevs]

Criminologists should be taking notes with your content!

By seeing that covert admiration of duplicity and criminality I think you are higher on the antisocial spectrum than average. I am too. Or we could see it from the Freudian angle and say people on this forum feel more strongly the pull of the "Instinct of death" than the "Instinct of Life".

We are fixated in failure, tragedy and death. It's a disposition. And contrary to what normies would contend, is completely natural, since Freud correctly perceived that there is a dissolution inertia as much as a creation/differentation inertia in biological systems or the Universe as a whole. Ying/Yang.

All hail the Necrophage Legion! We shall aid reality to decompose and regain and unified state, somewhere in the future!

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Criminologists should be taking notes with your content!

By seeing that covert admiration of duplicity and criminality I think you are higher on the antisocial spectrum than average. I am too. Or we could see it from the Freudian angle and say people on this forum feel more strongly the pull of the "Instinct of death" than the "Instinct of Life".

We are fixated in failure, tragedy and death. It's a disposition. And contrary to what normies would contend, is completely natural, since Freud correctly perceived that there is a dissolution inertia as much as a creation/differentation inertia in biological systems or the Universe as a whole. Ying/Yang.

All hail the Necrophage Legion! We shall aid reality to decompose and regain and unified state, somewhere in the future!

You've just sent me down another rabbit hole with this Freudian Instinct of Death, or 'Death Drive'. I've never heard of that before. It explains a lot in relation to most of my obsessions, as you said, with being fixated on failure, tragedy and death.

I've always been very antisocial - drugs, alcoholism, prescription painkillers, very risky and sometimes criminal behaviour, an utter contempt for full-time employment, to the point where I am unwilling to do it, and unable to override my disdain for spending 9 hours of my time doing something I don't want to do, for someone I dislike, with people I would never otherwise speak to, let alone eat my lunch with!

I like your slogan thingy, 'There is something special about deciding when' - that's so very true. How? When? Where? How will I get there? How will I hide my intentions? How will I evade the police if I'm reported missing? If the police stop me, how will I hide stuff from them? How will I avoid arousing suspicion from hotel staff?! It's comforting. I get a thrill out of watching documentaries that follow urgent searches for missing people, so I can see what would happen when it's me. All those people trying desperately to find you and stop you, for no other reason than 'cus death is bad' - it's comical!