Thanks for the heads-up.
I had a new session yesterday, and I would easily describe that as one of the most terrifying experience in my entire life. It was even worse than my previous bad trip.
I had the strongest derealization symptom ever. It made me sad because as everything was unreal, so were my family and my friend. A doctor came in at one point, and I felt like he was part of the simulation. One section of my brain knew I was just tripping because of ketamine and that it wouldn't last, but the rest of it was boiling and was persuaded this state was my new life from now on. I had less visual hallucinations than last time, but light and sounds were unbearable and very distorted. Had trouble breathing (probably because of the stress). It really felt like dying or experiencing death.
After a while, the effects started to fade out and only left me with nausea. I was hungry like never before, and I ate the hospital's meal tray like a horse. But very soon later, a second wave of ketamine stroke (I still don't explain why, this never happened to me in any previous session). This extra trip was short but very intense. It's best described as a deeply-nested déjà vu. I was living this scene of the nurse checking my vitals in the exact same position and manner for the 1000th time, therefore I thought I was back in the simulation and would never get out. I was suffering. After she checked on me, I took the nurse's hand in mine and it was weird because Ketamine is an anesthesic (so it felt like she had 7 fingers or something), but this tiny corridor to reality felt comforting and helped at diminishing my stress until the effects stopped.
Well, I'm not sure I want to try ketamine again
. I know the trip is highly suggestible, but this was out of control. And again, I'm skeptical this is helpful because I don't think my issue is biological.