Venting they won't understand and they never will, so it's best i ctb.

[dead-raven]

man im tired making people UNDERSTAND what i fucking feel and think. THEY JUST DONT FUCKING GET IT. they don't understand the pain of being repeatedly abandoned, replaced, misunderstood, and fucking taking advantage all over again. I GET IT U WANT TO FUCKING BUR IT'S NO USE CUZ THEY CANT UNDERSTAND U. that's not helping at all.

i just wanna rest for real this time. im tired proving myself to everyone and it's not my fucking job anymore to understand me. i accepted their help but i still got invalidated in the end. man it pierce my heart so much to see myself getting stepped by other people's mindset because they just couldn't get what's going on in head. i reached out multiple times but they still seem unreachable to me. i couldn't take it anymore. im fucking exhausted explaining myself all over again just to get ended up invalidated with their narrow-minded mentatlity.

im going to ctb sooner, but i only have OTC drugs here (benadryl, ibuprofen, mefenamic, and paracetamol) and chug it with an alcohol. idk if it works, but im gonna slit my pulse just incase it wont work. it will be a long agonizing and torturous way to ctb but i dont have a choice anymore. hanging myself would be my last resort. i'll keep and update of the shit happens.

 

[JKFleck]

I feel you mate, I'm in the same position and will CTB myself too (have my own journal thread posted)

 

[thesighofleaves]

I feel you. I feel the same.

 

[dead-raven]

ctb postponed cuz my SI is so strong rn and someone just phone called me to stop. but it won't stop me from catching the bus sooner. i'll give everyone a farewell treatment before i go. hopefully this would go success sooner and no one can stop me.

 

[thesighofleaves]

Sadly the thing I've found is that even people telling you to stop can't be trusted. At least if they are someone who claims to care about you. Because they just selfishly care about their own pain. They would rather have you around suffering then not have you around at all, which is so fucking warped and selfish.

 

[bugs_for_brains]

I feel similarly, I feel frustrated with myself and all of my relationships because ultimately its impossible for someone to fully understand someone else since everyone's experiences/psychological makeup/etc are too unique

 

[dead-raven]

Sadly the thing I've found is that even people telling you to stop can't be trusted. At least if they are someone who claims to care about you. Because they just selfishly care about their own pain. They would rather have you around suffering then not have you around at all, which is so fucking warped and selfish.

u are so real for that. i just hate that they guilt tripping me that they are tired of helping me when in the first place i didn't ask to be helped. i choose this path and they calling me "selfish" for choosing this path. u can clearly see people only care for the pain that they will receive but not understand the suffering im going through. they're selfish for making me alive even tho i dont want to anymore. i hate it when they pull up the guilt tripping card.

I feel similarly, I feel frustrated with myself and all of my relationships because ultimately its impossible for someone to fully understand someone else since everyone's experiences/psychological makeup/etc are too unique

they just think we can do it cuz they were able to surpass it. it's such a stupid mentality that they put their experience on us that we experienced different shit everyday. im just grateful u guys understand what it truly feels to be in this shit when others cannot comprehend it.

 

[thesighofleaves]

u are so real for that. i just hate that they guilt tripping me that they are tired of helping me when in the first place i didn't ask to be helped. i choose this path and they calling me "selfish" for choosing this path. u can clearly see people only care for the pain that they will receive but not understand the suffering im going through. they're selfish for making me alive even tho i dont want to anymore. i hate it when they pull up the guilt tripping card.

Yep, it's this exactly. I logged in today to make a post complaining about something similar because I realize I can't even talk to my friends. Not because I think they are gonna call the cops on me, but because they can't see past their own potential pain. I've gotten more empathy from people in the antinatalism subreddit (before it went to shit) than I have from people who I think aren't lying when they say they care about me. Then again, I only think that because they aren't abusive. Considering the subject matter, I'm starting to doubt they care.

Because, like. It's like watching your friend have cancer and telling them to fight while the friend is constantly lamenting how tired and in pain they are. It's so tone deaf. "Oh no, nooooesss, don't kill urself!!111!! Because what would it do to meeee??" Like honestly? I don't care? I love you but my pain is too much and I need to take care of myself. So tired of this. All of my feels fall on deaf ears.

They'll guilt trip you to the end of time. I wouldn't even bother reaching out anymore if I were you, outside of safer spaces like this.