Stroopwafel.
Meow
- Jan 14, 2020
- 109
The institution I live in does not feel comfortable anymore with the amount of alcohol I drink. Today at their group meeting thing they talked about it and next week they will have a conversation about it with me. I'm really scared they want to forbid me to drink, or only like one day a week.
Alchohol is how I cope lately. I know it's not a good way of coping, but I also know that at this point only self destructive ways of coping are 'helping' me. Forbid me to drink and I'll find another unhealthy way to cope.
I know I drink too much and that it's not healthy but honestly I don't care anymore. Life will never become better, whatever I do or try. There's no reason to try again and give up drinking. It will only make me feel worse because I need to find another way to cope.
I think they see as well that I'm doing worse and worse and they desperately want to try and help me. But you do not help me if you take things away/forbid them. I'm so not looking forward to this conversation. I lately don't feel motivated anymore to try things. I'm exhausted. Nothings's gonna help anyways. I just wanna spend the last phase of my life now I want, how I feel somehow 'ok', not desperately trying to get 'better' and try things, while I know it doesn't work and it never will. But I can't say that to the people who work here. I can't say I plan to CTB soon and I wanna spend the time I have left just in peace.
I feel so bad and I just want it all to stop. I can't do this anymore, I don't want to, I really don't want to.
Alchohol is how I cope lately. I know it's not a good way of coping, but I also know that at this point only self destructive ways of coping are 'helping' me. Forbid me to drink and I'll find another unhealthy way to cope.
I know I drink too much and that it's not healthy but honestly I don't care anymore. Life will never become better, whatever I do or try. There's no reason to try again and give up drinking. It will only make me feel worse because I need to find another way to cope.
I think they see as well that I'm doing worse and worse and they desperately want to try and help me. But you do not help me if you take things away/forbid them. I'm so not looking forward to this conversation. I lately don't feel motivated anymore to try things. I'm exhausted. Nothings's gonna help anyways. I just wanna spend the last phase of my life now I want, how I feel somehow 'ok', not desperately trying to get 'better' and try things, while I know it doesn't work and it never will. But I can't say that to the people who work here. I can't say I plan to CTB soon and I wanna spend the time I have left just in peace.
I feel so bad and I just want it all to stop. I can't do this anymore, I don't want to, I really don't want to.
