Venting They found my SN

[reverse03]

Family/landlord found my SN. They discovered that I will ctb on October 16. Our landlord is close relative. They took it away and made sure that I will not ctb. They even sent me to hospital to be admitted for 3 days.
There's a part of me that still want to continue to live just to see what is ahead. But at the back of my head the call to ctb is getting louder and louder again. I don't know what to do now.

I want to reorder sn and ship it to different address that I can pick up later. Should I continue my plan to ctb?

I already send other people the IC source. If I continue to live I feel guilty that I help someone end their lives. I really want to ctb but SI is holding me back. I just feel torn and wanting to die or disappear at this moment. Fck this life.

 

[Obliviate]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Honestly the harsh reality of our lives getting better is very slim unless you are insanely privileged and rich. It's really up to you. I would order more for backup incase a day comes where you have lost it and just can't take it anymore. Keep it and hide it so it's always there if you ever change your mind. It gives an ease to the mind knowing you have a source ready whenever you wanna go. That is what I would personally do but it's all up to you.

 

[reverse03]

I would order more for backup incase a day comes where you have lost it and just can't take it anymore. Keep it and hide it so it's always there if you ever change your mind. It gives an ease to the mind knowing you have a source ready whenever you wanna go.

Thanks for the advice. I will order SN again and will keep it hidden. Every time I go out from hospital I feel fine but after few days I just come back to where I am. I know that I am unfixable at this moment. I will probably go on the date I decided.

 

[Fktw0rld]

I cleaned a powdered amino bottle really good. Allowed it to air dry for a few days until it was bone dry, poured my sn in a ziplock, dropped it into the amino bottle and cut the top of the ziplock bag so it's not visible. Put the little aluminum seal back on the top with the sticky residue that was left over after peeling it off and sealed it tight with the cap. I stuck it with the other supplements in my drawer that no one has access to or interest in. Maybe that's an option for you after getting your new supply.

 

[Mofreeko]

How did they know what it was?

 

[freevoid]

I cleaned a powdered amino bottle really good. Allowed it to air dry for a few days until it was bone dry, poured my sn in a ziplock, dropped it into the amino bottle and cut the top of the ziplock bag so it's not visible. Put the little aluminum seal back on the top with the sticky residue that was left over after peeling it off and sealed it tight with the cap. I stuck it with the other supplements in my drawer that no one has access to or interest in. Maybe that's an option for you after getting your new supply.

Smart. I did something similar, put my SN in an old mylar bag which held methionine, chucked a bunch of oxygen absorbers and dessicants in with it. I take a million supplements for my illnesses so no one would think to check

 

[makethepainstop]

Family/landlord found my SN. They discovered that I will ctb on October 16. Our landlord is close relative. They took it away and made sure that I will not ctb. They even sent me to hospital to be admitted for 3 days.
There's a part of me that still want to continue to live just to see what is ahead. But at the back of my head the call to ctb is getting louder and louder again. I don't know what to do now.

I want to reorder sn and ship it to different address that I can pick up later. Should I continue my plan to ctb?

I already send other people the IC source. If I continue to live I feel guilty that I help someone end their lives. I really want to ctb but SI is holding me back. I just feel torn and wanting to die or disappear at this moment. Fck this life.

Failure is simply a rehearsal so that success may be obtained in the future. Now you shall have to paste on a smile, interact with family, and pretend that everything is just peachy.......until they relax their guard and you succeed. Much Love to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must had been stressful going through that. Other people really should have no right to interfere with people's ctb plans, after all if they want to live then that is their choice but they shouldn't try to force others to.
We really do live in a world that is focused on prolonging suffering rather than allowing people to have the peace that they so desperately are looking for. It's understandable wanting to order more as I understand that for many people it can be a relief having a method by their side and they can exit at a time of their own choosing but it certainly is best doing everything to hide ctb plans from other people who could potentially interfere.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

What you do, or don't do, is entirely up to you. No one else. If you want to live, then live. If you want to die, then die.

 

[reverse03]

How did they know what it was?

They found it at top my file basket. They searched it on google and they saw that article about the celebrity that used sn as poison.