They dont care but I care- suicide as an act of love

[wordsonscreen]

I dont really want to share why I am here but it just hit me recently that no one cares. I have been looking at goodbye threads and talking to people irl who have lost people they love. Everyone moves on. People will be sad for a bit. Friends I made on here will be low. Family will grieve. Then they will go on with their lives. I want to die BECAUSE my suffering is MINE- no one else's. No one can take it away, no can feel it for me. My joy and pain are both my own. They cannot REALLY care about me in the way I can. This only impacts me. My pain, life, death, and joy impact me in a way it cannot anybody else. -I- bear the weight of this.

I feel like suicide for me is an act of love for me. I really do love so much about life. I've been through so much, like many of you. We all deserve a good life. We deserve everything we want- to be loved, respected, cared for, to be comfortable in our bodies and minds.

It fucking sucks that we dont have that. I wish we did. I wish life was not such that we need to even consider suicide, but here we are. All 16,000 of us. I genuinely want healing and happiness for every one of us.

This is so unfair. We never asked to be born. Yet we are here and we saw amazing things and are in so much pain now. wtf???? Like I'm sitting here finishing my exit list and listening to the birds outside singing. They sound so nice. Its fucking crazy how much pain and joy we can feel at the SAME time :/ This hurts.

Does anyone else feel this way- wishing it worked but it has not?

 

[Symbiote]

I'm trying on giving life another shot, but I might be in the same boat you're in if this job(s) doesn't come through. New job in a new location = far away from toxic environment. Toxicity is eroding my mental stability and my SN keeps on telling me to "Drink me"

 

[wordsonscreen]

I'm trying on giving life another shot, but I might be in the same boat you're in if this job(s) doesn't come through. New job in a new location = far away from toxic environment. Toxicity is eroding my mental stability and my SN keeps on telling me to "Drink me"

I understand. Getting into a phd program might be the only thing that can change my mind at this point. Unsure. Today is the first day that has felt.. good? in months. I'll just try to enjoy it.

 

[Aloken]

Yes exactly.. It's not that I don't love myself enough, it's quite the opposite. It's because I love myself so much that I cannot allow myself to feel so much pain. I'm sorry, I refuse and no one can stop me. I love me and I will let go

 

[WornOutLife]

Everyone moves on.

Yes, they do and I'm okay with it. I don't want people to care about me once I'm dead. I just want them to move on with their lives because sooner or later, unless you're Elon Musk, we will all be forgotten. It's sad but it's the truth.

 

[ovaltinee99]

Just because people move on doesn't mean they don't care or a death hasn't made an impact on them. If someone you loved died, you probably won't be sad every second of your life, otherwise you would want to follow them. You will also move on, but it wouldn't mean you don't care. That's just the nature of life.

 

[these_days9]

Thank you for writing this. I resonate with a lot. I personally don't love life, but that is exactly why having the right to leave on my own terms, volition, and peacefully is my self love. I also respect others love of life and choices in that.

 

[wordsonscreen]

Just because people move on doesn't mean they don't care or a death hasn't made an impact on them. If someone you loved died, you probably won't be sad every second of your life, otherwise you would want to follow them. You will also move on, but it wouldn't mean you don't care. That's just the nature of life.

You are right. Thank you for pointing that out! I think by caring perhaps I meant that no one but me can expeirence my life- my pain and joy. Others can feel it and help for sure but we alone carry the weight of everything. Its very odd. But it is good to remember that people do care, even if it is not enough for me right now.

Thank you for writing this. I resonate with a lot. I personally don't love life, but that is exactly why having the right to leave on my own terms, volition, and peacefully is my self love. I also respect others love of life and choices in that.

absolutely. Freedom runs in all directions :)

 

[Buttercup2.0]