There’s nowhere I can go and nothing I can do that will change how I feel.

[Lilanel]

There is no area of my life that's safe.

Work? I just got fired from a job after being outright bullied and emotionally abused for months. I was so happy when I got a job offer, but they called today and rescinded it, because I was not honest enough about the circumstances of my previous employment during the interview. It was my fuckup—my anxiety fucked me over. I am a burden and disappointment to my family and friends. I went through law school, graduated #2 in my class, did all the right things, and it still wasn't enough.

Love? I am mentally fucked up with Avoidant Personality Disorder and I believe myself truly incapable of loving anyone. I push people away like nobody's business.

Movies, music, TV? I tried to watch a previous favorite movie today. Seeing people doing jobs, being happy, made me so empty and miserable that I turned off the TV. I especially cry when watching medical movies and TV shows, because I'd wanted to go to medical school, but couldn't because I was so stupid.

I've been suicidal for 13 years, on meds for depression and anxiety for 4, in therapy for 3. When I talk, the therapists have nothing to say. I ask them, what's the point? When do I get to choose when enough is enough, when I'm tired of getting up after being knocked down? How long do I have to be here, taking punch after punch, before I can finally say that it's been enough?

 

[Barf]

I understand how you feel. I've spent a lot of years being hopeful and have come to terms with the fact that 'a better tomorrow' really is just a pipe dream.

Life is just more and more of the same thing, a lot of struggling and misery, peppered very lightly with good experiences.

Besides that, the world around me is a really terrifying place, people are really awful little creatures.

Every day just seems like a bad movie I've seen 1000 times already and I agree, when can I tap out? Haven't I given it my best shot? Like you, I'm tired of failure, disappointment and rejection.

I'm sorry to hear about your job, btw.

 

[Donewith_]

Sorry to hear that

My life is shit too.

 

[Darkhaven]

The hopelessness is probably the worst part of this while depression and mental health shit.
It's one thing to suffer while knowing that the pain is temporary and things you get better.
It's a totally different thing to live like this knowing there is nothing to be done about it.
My mother often tries to convince me to go to a psychiatrist, but why should i go there when i'm Certain that he/she won't be able to solve my problems.
What can they say to me that will make me become more happy? Will they give me some ability to see the world in a different perspective? Everything full of rainbows and sunny days, where everyone is happy and good natured?
NO! They will pump me full of drugs and SSRI's and tell me the usual things a neurotypical person would say to a depressive and suicidal person: "Things will get better you just have to take a deep breath and start seeing the world in a different way"; "You need to start to talk with other people and get integrated"; "Killing yourself won't solve anything"...
Will i pay 100 bucks to hear this crap? Hell no!