I hate PDA couples so goddamn much, whenever I see two fuckers kissing in public it fills me with resentment and rage. I'm 20 and have never experienced the privilege of having some who loves me for who I am, but it seems that everyone around me does. Even my parents, who I want to love but can't help but resent for forgetting to use a condom, are affectionate to each other around me (which I guess is to be expected) but I can't help but get upset.
Normally whenever I dare to speak up about my discontentment over being lonely I just get called an "Incel" and it hurts because people are just dismissing my feelings. Seeing PDA couples only fuels my desire to CTB in public.
I think I understand what you mean, I don't even desire a romantic (or sexual) relationship (but I do desire being a priority and having close platonic connections), and even I get perturbed by the sort of thing you speak of.
Light and infrequent PDA is one thing, especially when there is plenty of distance between yourself and others (like in a park), but I can't even go to the damn grocery store without witnessing full on displays where couples are so attached at the hip that they can barely take one step forward (and might as well be wearing one of those giant shirts that fits two people).
Typically the excuse is that they "can't help themselves", but I call bullshit.
It's 100% for attention. Of various kinds.
They want people to see them-to validate them, to acknowledge that they are desirable to another, they want people to feel uncomfortable..and/or they want people to feel inferior somehow and themselves the opposite.
It's a show of their perceived status.
And that's the part that nauseates me.
The narcissism at play.
There are some who do this out of insecurity and trying to keep up with the image of couples they see put out by others, but you'll notice that those most guilty and relentless about it are people who are privileged and pompous in additional ways.
(Hyperbolizing here, but unless they're long distance and only have a weekend to meet once a year, I'd rather not have to tolerate it.)
I've heard and read people admit that they prey on those around them (especially people they deem as pathetic and "less than") while out in public places, by upping the PDA in close proximity to their captive audience (e.g. in line at a store or in an elevator).
I've also seen it play out in real time, where the couple literally side eyes anyone in the vicinity to make sure they're watching, and if they do get someone's attention they go into overdrive whilst letting up when they sense that the audience has abandoned them.
It's like forcing someone to play a part in their exhibitionism and intimacy, it's very inconsiderate and at times, oddly predatory and harmful.
Sometimes this isn't just physical contact, but can also be in the form of projecting obnoxiously saccharine (or sexual) pillow talk out into the open for others to hear.
(There's also social media..but that's a whole other can of worms.)
As for family members (and their partners) not having the decency or respect to save it for later when in the presence of relatives..that's perhaps worse than having to stand there awkwardly with a couple of touchy strangers.
Why anyone would even want their family to witness their caressing and heavy petting is beyond me.
A hug? A peck on the cheek when arriving and/or departing? Fair.
But the rest? Unnecessary and rude in a lot of cases.
(I guess parents could have a little more wiggle room since they're in their own home with their children, but they still shouldn't go overboard if it makes their kid that unnerved.)
When I see two people that I can infer are a couple, but who don't actually make much physical contact and still seem independent enough to stray from their partner's side..I feel like running up to them and shaking their hands in gratitude lol.
Besides the pda thing, and on a more personal note, couples (and any group of 2 or more people) scare me, because they're emboldened by their company, which tends to enhance their less savory traits and inclinations.
As an easy target of bullying, it's much more common for me to be harassed and laughed at by couples or groups, so I
try to avoid them at all costs, just incase.
Their sense of ego is heightened while their filter is loosened.
The pedestal that society places romantic/sexual relationships upon certainly doesn't help matters. We equate it with the ultimate form of social success and offer it multiple accolades and ceremonies that it really doesn't deserve.
All of this can and does lead to severe issues of entitlement, toxicity and superiority complexes..also enhanced competition, so when someone's relationship fails or they never become a part of one to begin with..they are victim to an atmosphere that makes them feel like worthless, utter failures.
Just look at the amount of people here who are suicidal for your own reasons and also for the reason of being broken up with or suddenly rejected…it's massive.
(I think unhealthy dependency and the selfish expectations of some couples-or halves of couples-for their partners to endlessly compromise and sacrifice their individuality/own separate dreams/possessions/other relationships for the "entity" of the couple is also part of why those who fall out of relationships hit the ground so hard when they're dropped.
They lost out on a huge investment of time, money, and SELF. They may not even know how to exist as an individual. Nor are they inclined to believe there is any growth to be had in being alone-which is unfortunate.
I think this is relevant because it has overlap with the reasons why you are bothered with seeing the public displays, and it also allows for further conversation about how the couple themselves can also suffer from what they become.)
As for the other aspects of your gripe, I think you deserve more understanding and compassion than you've been afforded.
It's always been my goal-in both words and actions-to avoid boasting and showing off (but not to the point of playing dumb, where the existence of certain comforts and advantages are denied) as it's almost always going to reach someone else who is suffering without the same benefits or opportunities. (Not that I ever had much to feel pride in lol.) The contrast is a blade that cuts deep.
Conversely, it does not hurt a person to practice humility and restraint where
this is concerned, and it's more than doable.
(I think there's even a common phrase for it in a foreign country/culture from my own, but the name escapes me. Something about "achievements" being acknowledged but not excessively applauded or displayed. Where the "winning" individual's only expectation of others is either no expectation at all, or simply a nod or a "well done" in place of full on flattery.)
All this to repeat, that it is an agreeable assertion to make: that a romantic relationship is oft considered an "achievement" in society that goes on to solicit congratulations and awe (which I consider synonymous with boasting).
Now circle back.
I see the argument of not wanting to judge others' "happiness" or rain on their parade..but if they're so happy and content, why do they feel the need to have other parties involved as extras in a story where they're the only main characters?
As I've said before, I'm not an empty pair of eyes for others to view their reflections in.
And I'm not here to be an accoutrement to someone else's life or relationship.
No thanks.
The other thing, OP (though I doubt that this will make you feel any better) is that a lot of these couples will never admit to getting involved with one another for largely superficial reasons. They may admit that it had a part but they'll almost never state just how big of a part those more conditional reasons played and that an equal or better person out there for them (compared to their partner) had the door to a relationship slammed in their face because of harmless yet uncontrollable (or cosmetic) reasons.
Loving each other for "who" they are is always up for debate, but of course that also depends on your definition of "love".
Mine may differ from others'.
Either way, romantic relationships tend to be some of the most conditional relationships in existence (and not in a good way).
Not to say there's not a single one (couple) of virtue (don't get me wrong), but appearances and general infatuation tend to blind a person or cause them to see things that are not there, also making them willing to tolerate what they would normally never tolerate in someone else…and that's the only "unconditional" aspect of the relationship, which is not exactly admirable (e.g. couples excusing each other for bad behavior and takes, or laughing it off to the detriment of those outside of the sacred two..holding their partner to a lower standard, or breaking rules that single people are governed by).
..btw I'm not saying any of this to diminish your own desire for someone to love you "for who you are" or to dissuade you from it…you have every right to long for (and receive) companionship & affection (which I think is a more accurate way of describing a relationship, rather than "
bursting with true, celestial love").
