AngelTear
Dead before 30
- Oct 27, 2025
- 21
I don't care what anyone has to say, THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT WANTS ME TO SUCCEED. Not my friends, certainly not my fucking family, and damn sure not the world at large. I'm constantly being fucked over by every fucking thing and being told pleasantries but NEVER actually receiving anything that would help me have the tiniest success in my life. I AM FUCKING TRYING, I'M TRYING YET NOTHING EVER FUCKING CHANGES FOR ME, IT JUST GETS WORSE ALWAYS.
I've been looking for a job for so long- WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO GET EMPLOYMENT???!?!! Everything fucking ghosts me or never responds to me and I've been looking EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. Everything that seemed promising turned out to be nothing but a fucking lie and a further slap in the face of someone who's already been beaten down FOR ALL MY LIFE. Nothing ever fucking works out for me. The one job that I want to pursue I have to pay a fee for a license and I don't have the $195 for that even...EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS AND I HAVE NO WAY OUT.
I have NEGATIVE MONEY in my bank account and NO WAY to fund it, I'm unemployed, my parents are fucking unemployed and my mom acts like she don't wanna get on any sort of government benefits or work anymore at all combined with her delusions and my dad is fully disabled. I don't have my own car, the government shut down so I can't have anymore benefits after November 1st, the rest of my family doesn't help out... I don't feel safe or a fucking peace of mind anywhere I go, it's always the SAME EXACT FUCKING THING, I HEAR THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN IT'S LIKE EVERYONE HAS ASSIGNED DIALOGUE TO TELL ME I SWEAR TO GOD.
Google tried to shut down one of my Gmail accounts and I was fucking using that to apply for jobs and answer craigslist ads for jobs AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO DEACTIVATE ME NOR DID THEY GIVE ME A REASON WHY THAT HAPPENED. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS HOW HARD THIS SHIT IS NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY THEY DO. I KEEP RUNNING AND RUNNING DESPERATE TO BE SAVED FROM A SITUATION THAT I CAN'T BE SAVED FROM. I'm beyond tired and I'm just angry at every fucking thing. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL FOR EVEN TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT MY SITUATION BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING WILL ACTUALLY CHANGE MY SITUATION FOR THE BETTER, IT NEVER HAS AND IT NEVER WILL, I HAVE BEEN PROVEN THIS TIME AND TIME AGAIN.
There's really no reason to keep going, the more I go the more I only suffer. I can't even feel happy without feeling paranoid about it because I know some BULLSHIT is going to happen that will just further tell me that life ain't worth living. If it was I think things wouldn't be this way. Everything is WRONG. Everyday I wish I had a gun to make suicide easier but no all I have is some rope and I can only hope I hang myself properly and die from it.
I'm not interested in hearing kind words, words hold no more meaning to me at this point. I do not need comfort, the thing I want no one can give me and the government does fuck all. I can barely trust peoples actions. I'm pretty sure I hate people. I HAVE NO LIFE, I HAVE NOTHING. When I think about it I knew I would always kill myself, I wasn't supposed to really live past 15 but it's not the easiest thing to kill yourself no matter how much you wanna die. I don't want to live past 30, I don't even want to see 25, I don't want to grow old, I don't want to see anything else. I want to die and finally feel at ease and yes it would solve my problems I don't care what anyone else has to say. I don't think I'll stop trying until something finally kills me for real. I wish I had a gun so bad...but hanging it is I guess. I just gotta tie a proper knot and find somewhere to do the deed which won't be hard at all. Fuck this stupid fucking world.
I've been looking for a job for so long- WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO HARD TO GET EMPLOYMENT???!?!! Everything fucking ghosts me or never responds to me and I've been looking EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE. Everything that seemed promising turned out to be nothing but a fucking lie and a further slap in the face of someone who's already been beaten down FOR ALL MY LIFE. Nothing ever fucking works out for me. The one job that I want to pursue I have to pay a fee for a license and I don't have the $195 for that even...EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS AND I HAVE NO WAY OUT.
I have NEGATIVE MONEY in my bank account and NO WAY to fund it, I'm unemployed, my parents are fucking unemployed and my mom acts like she don't wanna get on any sort of government benefits or work anymore at all combined with her delusions and my dad is fully disabled. I don't have my own car, the government shut down so I can't have anymore benefits after November 1st, the rest of my family doesn't help out... I don't feel safe or a fucking peace of mind anywhere I go, it's always the SAME EXACT FUCKING THING, I HEAR THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN IT'S LIKE EVERYONE HAS ASSIGNED DIALOGUE TO TELL ME I SWEAR TO GOD.
Google tried to shut down one of my Gmail accounts and I was fucking using that to apply for jobs and answer craigslist ads for jobs AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY REASON TO DEACTIVATE ME NOR DID THEY GIVE ME A REASON WHY THAT HAPPENED. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDS HOW HARD THIS SHIT IS NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY SAY THEY DO. I KEEP RUNNING AND RUNNING DESPERATE TO BE SAVED FROM A SITUATION THAT I CAN'T BE SAVED FROM. I'm beyond tired and I'm just angry at every fucking thing. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL FOR EVEN TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT MY SITUATION BECAUSE I KNOW NOTHING WILL ACTUALLY CHANGE MY SITUATION FOR THE BETTER, IT NEVER HAS AND IT NEVER WILL, I HAVE BEEN PROVEN THIS TIME AND TIME AGAIN.
There's really no reason to keep going, the more I go the more I only suffer. I can't even feel happy without feeling paranoid about it because I know some BULLSHIT is going to happen that will just further tell me that life ain't worth living. If it was I think things wouldn't be this way. Everything is WRONG. Everyday I wish I had a gun to make suicide easier but no all I have is some rope and I can only hope I hang myself properly and die from it.
I'm not interested in hearing kind words, words hold no more meaning to me at this point. I do not need comfort, the thing I want no one can give me and the government does fuck all. I can barely trust peoples actions. I'm pretty sure I hate people. I HAVE NO LIFE, I HAVE NOTHING. When I think about it I knew I would always kill myself, I wasn't supposed to really live past 15 but it's not the easiest thing to kill yourself no matter how much you wanna die. I don't want to live past 30, I don't even want to see 25, I don't want to grow old, I don't want to see anything else. I want to die and finally feel at ease and yes it would solve my problems I don't care what anyone else has to say. I don't think I'll stop trying until something finally kills me for real. I wish I had a gun so bad...but hanging it is I guess. I just gotta tie a proper knot and find somewhere to do the deed which won't be hard at all. Fuck this stupid fucking world.
