Venting There is no shame in backing out.

[Circles]

Yea, yea, yea, I get it maybe I sound like a pro-lifer by saying this but at the same time people shouldn't be pressured into killing themselves. My point being that there's nothing wrong some people who choose to back out and there's nothing cowardly about it. It takes sheer courage to face death, but not everyone is able to go through with it. Hell I'm an example in this in that I've backed out so many times I've lost track.

Despite saying this I feel there's a growing rhetoric of pro-death/pro-suicide beliefs on here trying to push their narrative that suicide is the only way. It may be the only way out for some but not everyone here will go through with it and that should be okay. I understand how much the darkness can consume you but people shouldn't be blinded by their pain. If you aren't 100% sure you want to kill yourself there's nothing wrong with backing out. Suicide isn't a race especially when everyone's circumstances are different so don't let anyone else make that decision for you. It's your life, no one else's.

 

[momento.mori]

I'm so glad you wrote this, it needed to be said! I've backed out so many times too, actually yesterday I counted all my narcotics and benzos and had them laid out and ready but couldn't do it, If I get busted again I'll be in big trouble with my career and won't get those medications again. So people change their mind for various reasons and this site is suppose to be a safe place. I've told people on a couple of occasions I don't think you're ready, seek help, etc. We all have our story and sometimes we get blinded by what that person is saying in that moment because of our own situations. Thank you for writing this.

 

[thealteredmind]

who's pressuring who?

if you want to stay that's ok. no one will think you are a coward.

 

[AllMyDreams]

You hit the nail on the head there. Just as we support the right to die we have a responsibility to make clear it is never an obligation, and it is only something you should do if you are 100% sure.

 

[lebrodude]

Absolutely.
People who fail to go through with it should be never be shamed.
SI is a strong beast to overcome.
The individual may just not be ready or fully confident in their method.

 

[Circles]

who's pressuring who?

if you want to stay that's ok. no one will think you are a coward.

Peer pressure if anything especially when there's nefarious members on here who romanticize suicide which comes off as pro-death/suicide more so than pro-choice. I'm just saying since there's a growing number of people here who think that people who tries to recover or are stuck in limbo shouldn't be here as though anyone who doesn't kill themselves is a fraud, fake or whatever. That rhetoric is dangerous in my opinion since a lot of vulnerable people may look at what is said on here as the ultimate truth and nothing else. It validates their already existing beliefs and pain and can cause some to finally ctb.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Peer pressure if anything especially when there's nefarious members on here who romanticize suicide which comes off as pro-death/suicide more so than pro-choice. I'm just saying since there's a growing number of people here who think that people who tries to recover or are stuck in limbo shouldn't be here as though anyone who doesn't kill themselves is a fraud, fake or whatever. That rhetoric is dangerous in my opinion since a lot of vulnerable people may look at what is said on here as the ultimate truth and nothing else. It validates their already existing beliefs and pain and can cause some to finally ctb.

I've had my account almost a year. No one on this site has pressured me to commit suicide.


I'm not sure which posts I'm missing, so please include the links where this occurs.

-"nefarious members" on here who romanticize suicide which comes off as pro-death/suicide

-"growing number of people" here who think that people who tries to recover or are stuck in limbo shouldn't be here

 

[Circles]

I've had my account almost a year. No one on this site has pressured me to commit suicide.


I'm not sure which posts I'm missing, so please include the links where this occurs.

-"nefarious members" on here who romanticize suicide which comes off as pro-death/suicide

-"growing number of people" here who think that people who tries to recover or are stuck in limbo shouldn't be here

And I've been here almost 6 years and I've noticed a change in perspective on this site from my own viewpoint. I'm not going to point fingers as I don't want to get in any trouble. Like I said before and I guess I should have highlighted that part but this is my own opinion from the stuff I've seen posted lately and how I feel it can impact someone's decision to ctb. That doesn't mean there aren't members here who pushes their beliefs onto others and state their beliefs/opinions as if it's the ultimate truth and nothing else. And because of that I feel there's a growing pro-death sentiment on this site. If you don't agree then you're free to disagree. Everyone has their own opinions.

 

[Ash]

It definitely feels as though there's a pro-death camp here, and it's not just about individual decisions. I make liberal use of the ignore button so I don't see as much of it as I used to. I think it's important to remember that we're real people with real lives, not subjects in a philosophical debate.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

And I've been here almost 6 years and I've noticed a change in perspective on this site from my own viewpoint. I'm not going to point fingers as I don't want to get in any trouble. Like I said before and I guess I should have highlighted that part but this is my own opinion from the stuff I've seen posted lately and how I feel it can impact someone's decision to ctb. That doesn't mean there aren't members here who pushes their beliefs onto others and state their beliefs/opinions as if it's the ultimate truth and nothing else. And because of that I feel there's a growing pro-death sentiment on this site. If you don't agree then you're free to disagree. Everyone has their own opinions.

If you've been on here for 6 years perhaps this isn't the most optimal forum for you? Maybe a forum more devoted to severe depression or whatever your issues are would be more suitable.

Most people seem to join here because they've thought long and hard, often for years and decades, about their decision to ctb. They have exhausted every resource including therapy, medication, etc. The help to overcome any remaining doubts is invaluable for those in whom ctb is the only remaining option for ending their pain. They made the decision to ctb and now deserve support in carrying out that choice.

If this becomes a less strongly pro-ctb forum, it will become like every other place on the internet, where people in deep and unsolvable pain are only met with invalidation and callous truisms instead of real understanding and truly valuable support for once in their lives.

 

[UKscotty]

Ignore the pro death minority, they have zero credibility. You can't go on about all life being terrible and how everyone should be dead, whilst being here to say it.

We only CTB as an absolute last resort, once all other choices are at an end.

Once you are ready, you will know.

 

[Circles]

If you've been on here for 6 years perhaps this isn't the most optimal forum for you? Maybe a forum more devoted to severe depression or whatever your issues are would be more suitable.

Most people seem to join here because they've thought long and hard, often for years and decades, about their decision to ctb. They have exhausted every resource including therapy, medication, etc. The help to overcome any remaining doubts is invaluable for those in whom ctb is the only remaining option for ending their pain. They made the decision to ctb and now deserve support in carrying out that choice.

If this becomes a less strongly pro-ctb forum, it will become like every other place on the internet, where people in deep and unsolvable pain are only met with invalidation and callous truisms instead of real understanding and truly valuable support for once in their lives.

There's a thing called chronically suicidal. Not everyone who comes here kills themselves and there's no way to actually know who ctb and who doesn't. I don't have to justify myself being here just because I haven't killed myself. Suicide isn't a race. I simply don't agree with some of the sentiment I've seen on here.

As for your second and third statements I can agree with you so no argument from me. I simply believe there's a difference between pro-choice and pro-death and how that can be perceived differently by others and even impact them.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

There's a thing called chronically suicidal. Not everyone who comes here kills themselves and there's no way to actually know who ctb and who doesn't. I don't have to justify myself being here just because I haven't killed myself. Suicide isn't a race. I simply don't agree with some of the sentiment I've seen on here.

As for your second and third statements I can agree with you so no argument from me. I simply believe there's a difference between pro-choice and pro-death and how that can be perceived differently by others and even impact them.

You don't have to justify yourself, but understand that you are an atypical user, and will therefore be looking for something rather different than what most people come here seeking.

 

[momento.mori]

There's a thing called chronically suicidal. Not everyone who comes here kills themselves and there's no way to actually know who ctb and who doesn't. I don't have to justify myself being here just because I haven't killed myself. Suicide isn't a race. I simply don't agree with some of the sentiment I've seen on here.

As for your second and third statements I can agree with you so no argument from me. I simply believe there's a difference between pro-choice and pro-death and how that can be perceived differently by others and even impact them.

I thought the line through people's name meant they succeeded in their plan? I know its not factual but it gives us a clue to how many people have actually been successful and it's that's true, the numbers are very low.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

I thought the line through people's name meant they succeeded in their plan? I know its not factual but it gives us a clue to how many people have actually been successful and it's that's true, the numbers are very low.

The numbers are very high if you search and read Goodbye threads and understand that most people - some whom I've known IRL - used this site but chose not to post a GT. Most people get the info they need and get on with it.

If you're chronically suicidal @Circles maybe the Recovery section is more suited for you? I just think there should be a small place on the internet for those who aren't interested in convos about changing their minds, etc. if it's just this section of the site and not the Recovery portion that's at least something.

 

[willitpass]

If you've been on here for 6 years perhaps this isn't the most optimal forum for you? Maybe a forum more devoted to severe depression or whatever your issues are would be more suitable.

This is the sort of sentiment that I feel like OP is getting at. Being here for an extended period of time does not make you less worthy of being here. Just because someone hasn't successfully ctb doesn't mean they weren't suicidal and cannot come to a place where they can express their feelings with other suicidal people. There are many, many reasons people are here for a long time. Some people try and fail, some people can't get over SI, some struggle to find a method attainable for them, some are suicidal but simply not ready to make the act yet, some even recover. This isn't some death factory where everyone comes and is gone within a set period of time.

The numbers are very high if you search and read Goodbye threads and understand that most people - some whom I've known IRL - used this site but chose not to post a GT. Most people get the info they need and get on with it.

If you're chronically suicidal @Circles maybe the Recovery section is more suited for you? I just think there should be a small place on the internet for those who aren't interested in convos about changing their minds, etc. if it's just this section of the site and not the Recovery portion that's at least something.

This is exactly what OP is talking about. I've been here for four years. I got my info and almost CTB within 6 months of joining and failed after coming extremely close. I've since gone on to have another near attempt but the SI was too strong. I still very much wish to CTB and severely self harm on a daily basis. My body is shutting down from years of abuse. I ran out of treatment options years ago and don't wish to recover, but the trauma from all of my multiple failed attempts has made overcoming SI extremely difficult. I am not wrong for being here while I wait for my time to come.

I thought the line through people's name meant they succeeded in their plan? I know its not factual but it gives us a clue to how many people have actually been successful and it's that's true, the numbers are very low.

That also included people who have been banned, those who chose to deactivate their account, and those who had a goodbye thread and were never heard from but their death was never confirmed. It is very possible someone posts a goodbye thread, survives, and doesn't come back to the site for whatever reason.

 

[Circles]

I thought the line through people's name meant they succeeded in their plan? I know its not factual but it gives us a clue to how many people have actually been successful and it's that's true, the numbers are very low.

There's been members who chose to ban their own accounts to recover or for whatever other reason. I got to know a few people who self-banned but didn't choose to ctb. And again I emphasize that there's no way to really know.

The numbers are very high if you search and read Goodbye threads and understand that most people - some whom I've known IRL - used this site but chose not to post a GT. Most people get the info they need and get on with it.

If you're chronically suicidal @Circles maybe the Recovery section is more suited for you? I just think there should be a small place on the internet for those who aren't interested in convos about changing their minds, etc. if it's just this section of the site and not the Recovery portion that's at least something.

Just because someone posts a goodbye thread doesn't necessarily mean that it's 100% guaranteed they succeeded or not. Just because there's a lot of threads with crossed out names doesn't mean all of them succeeded. That's a whole different conversation.

As for your second statement I agree recovery is an option for me but I never felt I could do it. Not to say I haven't tried it's just that I feel like I'm stuck in limbo neither recovering or killing myself. I guess I am making something out of nothing and you're right. But again let's just agree to disagree. Take care if you can.

 

[momento.mori]

The numbers are very high if you search and read Goodbye threads and understand that most people - some whom I've known IRL - used this site but chose not to post a GT. Most people get the info they need and get on with it.

If you're chronically suicidal @Circles maybe the Recovery section is more suited for you? I just think there should be a small place on the internet for those who aren't interested in convos about changing their minds, etc. if it's just this section of the site and not the Recovery portion that's at least something.

So you're suggesting if someone comes on here and shares there story and say I'm suicidal we all should gather and wish them farewell on their journey? I simply don't agree if that's what you're suggesting. I personally will always see if that person is definitely certain in their decision and if they are not ill do everything in my power to keep concersating with them until they are comfortable or don't want to engage anymore. I want to make sure you have a concrete plan and if it isn't I'll tell you. I don't believe everyone comes here to die, some people are so overwhelmed in their current situation and maybe only need words of encouragement and possibly not ready. If you don't like that then I suggest you don't read any of my comments because I'll always be the one to look for other options. If you decide you want to go I'm the person that will stay up all night and make sure you don't die alone. I make no apologies for my comments and I'll always be the one to ask are you sure. Maybe what this site needs is a section called, I'm definitely killing myself and please don't try to stop me! Would that be more suitable for you? Better yet, I really don't care, we all have our battles, you're still here maybe you would find the recovery section more suitable instead of pushing suicide down everyone who even mutters the word. It really saddens me that this is even a topic that bothers you, or anyone else for that matter. Continue egging everyone on, but I wont!

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

There's been members who chose to ban their own accounts to recover or for whatever other reason. I got to know a few people who self-banned but didn't choose to ctb. And again I emphasize that there's no way to really know.



Just because someone posts a goodbye thread doesn't necessarily mean that it's 100% guaranteed they succeeded or not. Just because there's a lot of threads with crossed out names doesn't mean all of them succeeded. That's a whole different conversation.

As for your second statement I agree recovery is an option for me but I never felt I could do it. Not to say I haven't tried it's just that I feel like I'm stuck in limbo neither recovering or killing myself. I guess I am making something out of nothing and you're right. But again let's just agree to disagree. Take care if you can.

I mean, if you read the Goodbye threads closely, it's very easy to tell if someone was successful or not. If they had a fairly consistent pattern of posting here and then suddenly stopped, if they used a reliable method, if they narrated what they were doing up to their CTB attempt, etc. I can say with confidence that the number of people who kill themselves after joining this site is extremely high. And I personally think that's a good thing because that means that they got resources that they needed to end their suffering.

I suggested posting in the Recovery section of the website so that this portion is geared towards those are inhabiting the pro-ctb camp, at least at the moment. Not that you haven't tried recovering etc.

It's my belief (and I know it's controversial) that if someone is seriously intent on ctb there's not much that will be stopping them (even invalidating, callous remarks) aside from acquiring the information and supplies they need to do it properly. As long as that portion of the website stays up, I think that this community is doing a great service for humanity.

Some people such as myself actually find their suicidality reduced when they go through the process of thinking deeply about suicide as the only viable option and planning methods. And they benefit from not being "talked out of it" but instead to have their sentiments accepted and even explored. So I would hope that there still remains a place like that that's unequivocally pro-cbt even if it's a small portion of this site.

Thanks for the well wishes and you, too. I hope we both find relief and peace one way or the other.

 

[Pluto]

Despite saying this I feel there's a growing rhetoric of pro-death/pro-suicide beliefs on here trying to push their narrative that suicide is the only way.

I increasingly avoid participating in this topic but I do agree.

However, since apparent death fetishists gained a cult following here, challenging their agenda meant getting gang-bashed by their followers. After all, they are just venting and you're the one with the problem.

I find it sad watching thoughtful, intelligent people getting chased away from the community just because they struggle with the unspoken rules (no thoughts of recovery, no nuanced views of life and no being a parent).

 

[willitpass]

I mean, if you read the Goodbye threads closely, it's very easy to tell if someone was successful or not. If they had a fairly consistent pattern of posting here and then suddenly stopped, if they used a reliable method, if they narrated what they were doing up to their CTB attempt, etc. I can say with confidence that the number of people who kill themselves after joining this site is extremely high. And I personally think that's a good thing because that means that they got resources that they needed to end their suffering.

I suggested posting in the Recovery section of the website so that this portion is geared towards those are inhabiting the pro-ctb camp, at least at the moment. Not that you haven't tried recovering etc.

It's my belief (and I know it's controversial) that if someone is seriously intent on ctb there's not much that will be stopping them (even invalidating, callous remarks) aside from acquiring the information and supplies they need to do it properly. As long as that portion of the website stays up, I think that this community is doing a great service for humanity.

Some people such as myself actually find their suicidality reduced when they go through the process of thinking deeply about suicide as the only viable option and planning methods. And they benefit from not being "talked out of it" but instead to have their sentiments accepted and even explored. So I would hope that there still remains a place like that that's unequivocally pro-cbt even if it's a small portion of this site.

Thanks for the well wishes and you, too. I hope we both find relief and peace one way or the other.

"pro-ctb" is a disturbing sentiment. One can be certain in their own decision, but to feel that there should be a place where people cannot have discussions that involve the prospect of any option of life is extreme and lacking in empathy. Those of us who still feel human emotions about living should not feel like we do not have a place here.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Yea, yea, yea, I get it maybe I sound like a pro-lifer by saying this but at the same time people shouldn't be pressured into killing themselves. My point being that there's nothing wrong some people who choose to back out and there's nothing cowardly about it. It takes sheer courage to face death, but not everyone is able to go through with it. Hell I'm an example in this in that I've backed out so many times I've lost track.

Despite saying this I feel there's a growing rhetoric of pro-death/pro-suicide beliefs on here trying to push their narrative that suicide is the only way. It may be the only way out for some but not everyone here will go through with it and that should be okay. I understand how much the darkness can consume you but people shouldn't be blinded by their pain. If you aren't 100% sure you want to kill yourself there's nothing wrong with backing out. Suicide isn't a race especially when everyone's circumstances are different so don't let anyone else make that decision for you. It's your life, no one else's.

Perfectly written, wholeheartly agree. I think a more nuanced view really is what is needed. I think there is a very vocal minority that is very pro-death and only sees the world in black and white and that can be damaging for others.

One should ctb after having exhausted all options and while being sure that's the right choice. If at any point that changes, then it's the right choice to back out and rethink.

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

"pro-ctb" is a disturbing sentiment. One can be certain in their own decision, but to feel that there should be a place where people cannot have discussions that involve the prospect of any option of life is extreme and lacking in empathy. Those of us who still feel human emotions about living should not feel like we do not have a place here.

Forcing people to suffer meaninglessly is a far more disturbing sentiment.
That's what the entire rest of the internet and world promotes.

 

[willitpass]

Forcing people to suffer meaninglessly is a far more disturbing sentiment.
That's what the entire rest of the internet and world promotes.

There is a difference between pro-choice and pro-ctb. Pro choice acknowledges all options. It ensures people had thought through and considered options such as recovery, treatment, or situational changes while also acknowledging that someone has the right to decide to ctb. It is not forcing someone to keep living, it is encouraging self reflection before making that step, and accepting it if they decide they no longer wish to suffer. Pro-ctb implies that one should not consider other options and ctb is the one and only options. That is a drastic and dangerous sentiment.