Aphex Triplet
Ozymandias
- Apr 15, 2024
- 16
I'm currently failing my finals again, so I know I will be kicked out of my university once this month is over with. Currently mentally preparing myself to get beat to near death and humiliated or getting kicked out of the house.
So while I whine about my inability to do anything due to untreated ADHD and whatnot, know that I also allow my life to go down the shitter on purpose so that I have no option but to die. Dying is scary but if it's the better alternative of something I got myself into I know that I will finally be done with this shit.
Even if I was promised and got a "good" life I am simply put not compatible with the human society. The mere thought of social cohesion and living 9-5 and such makes me want to vomit. I'm not compatible at all. I don't want a relationship with anyone. I don't want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, nor do I want friends. I don't want to have anything to do with my family members in the future if possible.
I suppose living as a full-blown hikikomori all my life would be a much better alternative to this, I'm fine with working online jobs (currently looking for some too) but I doubt that they would do me good unless I had my own place to rot in. Even then I would maybe be content in my solitude through filth and hermit-lifestyle, I would still end up killing myself simply because there is nothing for a person like me to do. I always wanted to be a hikikomori almost all my life.
IIRC, my country doesn't have disability checks, so I can't get neetbux. So I'll either get a job and move out (not happening, impossible) or I drink the nitrite in a weeks time when finals are over.
I don't give a one tenth of a flying fuck if my parents are "disappointed" in me. Wasn't this what they wanted through the words and threaths they conveyed to me all my life? Bunch of burnt out hypocrites. I know I'm already ending up like my dad, so I'll hopefully, somehow castrate myself to prevent even the slightest chance of me selfishly continuing the curse that is existence.
So while I whine about my inability to do anything due to untreated ADHD and whatnot, know that I also allow my life to go down the shitter on purpose so that I have no option but to die. Dying is scary but if it's the better alternative of something I got myself into I know that I will finally be done with this shit.
Even if I was promised and got a "good" life I am simply put not compatible with the human society. The mere thought of social cohesion and living 9-5 and such makes me want to vomit. I'm not compatible at all. I don't want a relationship with anyone. I don't want a girlfriend or a boyfriend, nor do I want friends. I don't want to have anything to do with my family members in the future if possible.
I suppose living as a full-blown hikikomori all my life would be a much better alternative to this, I'm fine with working online jobs (currently looking for some too) but I doubt that they would do me good unless I had my own place to rot in. Even then I would maybe be content in my solitude through filth and hermit-lifestyle, I would still end up killing myself simply because there is nothing for a person like me to do. I always wanted to be a hikikomori almost all my life.
IIRC, my country doesn't have disability checks, so I can't get neetbux. So I'll either get a job and move out (not happening, impossible) or I drink the nitrite in a weeks time when finals are over.
I don't give a one tenth of a flying fuck if my parents are "disappointed" in me. Wasn't this what they wanted through the words and threaths they conveyed to me all my life? Bunch of burnt out hypocrites. I know I'm already ending up like my dad, so I'll hopefully, somehow castrate myself to prevent even the slightest chance of me selfishly continuing the curse that is existence.
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