There is no point to live

[Loooray]

Hi,

I'll start with me saying that my English skills are very average to say the least so it's going to be very chaotic but I hope you'll all be able to understand what I'm trying to say.

I just do not see any rational reason to live.
For me to consider life "good" I would like more good things to happen than the bad ones. I don't suffer to any diseases, my body is perfectly fine, I have a place to eat, sleep and family that I think cares for me and friends.
Still, I do think there is more suffering than the good things that happen to me. The amount of things that make me suffer rather than make me experience "a good life"
What is the reason to keep moving forward? When I get older, the amount of things that make me laugh or just make me feel good will be even smaller.
I can't appreciate the things others consider "reasons to keep going forward, simple pleasures of life" like idk. the fact that sun is rising, listening to music or going out with my doggy. I just can't. I just take those for granted. All of those things are just there. These don't make me appreciate that I'm here.
I wouldn't complain if my heart just turned into a stone - by that I mean I wouldn't complain if I was an emotionless husk that can't appreciate the beauty of life but also can't feel the pain.
But I still feel the pain. I still feel bad when bad shit in my life happens.

Because of my current life philosophy (more good things than suffering to make it all worth it) I reach the conclusion that it's all just meaningless and that I will never be happy. I don't want to live.

But I'm also too much of a pussy to do anything about it. I try to live and not to bring suffering to the world and I am aware that my death would probably bring suffering to few people whose well being matters to me.

I wish I was just removed from this world. That someone pressed delete on their magical keyboard so everyone's memories about me and me myself could just disappear.

I hope you were able to read through this little rant and that it made sense.

 

[Himalayan]

I thought like you at 19. I think you're right in parts, but you probably don't know yourself(what you like) too, if that makes sense.
I will throw you an ad now too, there's this game on play store, mobile of course, called alter-ego, that's somewhat very interesting for self discovery. I say somewhat because it starts amazing and ends up quite meh, but it's free and it has good book recommendations too.

 

[Cid9121]

Dude... I completely felt this and I feel it on a daily basis. I hope the best for you

 

[Loooray]

I thought like you at 19. I think you're right in parts, but you probably don't know yourself(what you like) too, if that makes sense.
I will throw you an ad now too, there's this game on play store, mobile of course, called alter-ego, that's somewhat very interesting for self discovery. I say somewhat because it starts amazing and ends up quite meh, but it's free and it has good book recommendations too.

I'm not so sure if I can agree with the part of not knowing what I like. I had things that brought me joy in my life. Not anymore though. I just can't appreciate most of the things I guess and those things that bring me joy are not enough for me to just be glad to be alive.
I am grateful for your answer and when I wake up I will check the game you mention for sure. If I remember I'll leave my thoughts about it too :) Thank you

 

[Neuromancer]

I can relate you, Looray. Im studying at a good college, a proud job, and a bright future If keep focused. But i don't aee a point..... i've bem doing drugs and playing games to fullfil the emptiness, and It doesn't work anymore..

 

[Ligand]

Considering you are physically healthy and seem to have a robust support system, you would likely be a great candidate for trying antidepressants. This forum in general seems to be extremely against any form of psychiatric medication, but if you haven't tried antidepressants yet, there's a great chance that you could benefit substantially from medication that would be very easy to implement. It might be a good idea to ask your primary care physician about trying antidepressants.

 

[Himalayan]

I'm not so sure if I can agree with the part of not knowing what I like. I had things that brought me joy in my life. Not anymore though. I just can't appreciate most of the things I guess and those things that bring me joy are not enough for me to just be glad to be alive.
I am grateful for your answer and when I wake up I will check the game you mention for sure. If I remember I'll leave my thoughts about it too :) Thank you

Yeah, it sounds stupid and it sounds nuts too. Like not knowing yourself. That shouldn't be possible right.
Gl man

 

[Loooray]

I can relate you, Looray. Im studying at a good college, a proud job, and a bright future If keep focused. But i don't aee a point..... i've bem doing drugs and playing games to fullfil the emptiness, and It doesn't work anymore..

Might sounds selfish but I'm glad I'm not the only one. I wish you didn't feel this emptiness though.

Considering you are physically healthy and seem to have a robust support system, you would likely be a great candidate for trying antidepressants. This forum in general seems to be extremely against any form of psychiatric medication, but if you haven't tried antidepressants yet, there's a great chance that you could benefit substantially from medication that would be very easy to try.

I tried to reach out for a mental health help but I felt like the person that is supposed to try and help me doesn't give a fuck so I just gave up. But you might be right. Perhaps that's the way.

Yeah, it sounds stupid and it sounds nuts too. Like not knowing yourself. That shouldn't be possible right.
Gl man

It doesn't sound stupid. I'm sure there are a lot of people who don't know themselves or what they like. You made a valid comment :)

 

[Ligand]

I tried to reach out for a mental health help but I felt like the person that is supposed to try and help me doesn't give a fuck so I just gave up. But you might be right. Perhaps that's the way.

I would absolutely recommend trying medication before doing anything irreversible. There are hundreds of millions of people that find success through medication, and a large percentage of them are able to discontinue their medication and live relatively normal and happy lives.

Be aware that this forum is full of well-intentioned people that have tried many things that haven't worked for them (often including medication), so there's a lot of negative-survivorship bias. But if you are interested in feeling better, talking to your PCP would be a great start.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings really are so understandable and I do hate how there isn't a way to just instantly and permanently escape from all the suffering existing brings.
I see existence as being nothing more than a dreadful and terrible mistake that was never worth enduring in the first place, there's nothing appealing about this futile process of just waiting around to die, it's certainly all very pointless to me, I see it as always preferable to not exist under all circumstances.