There is no hope. There is no progress. There's nothing I can do. I just have to use my energy to kms ctb

[whorl]

I just want to kill myself, but that takes effort too. I know how I would do it, I'd either buy a plane ticket to Japan and then end my life by shooting myself in a forest there, or I would buy a one-time charcoal grill and gas myself in my employers little car. I don't care what my colleagues think, to them I'm not worthy of love anyways

The relationships I try to build up are serious to me. They are so really serious to me. But it's to them I'm nothing. I don't fit. No matter what I do, I'm not accepted, I'm not loved.
Anywhere I go. Just no matter what I do I just never fit
I want to talk with someone about my plans, and for once in my life have someone that I can feel like we're partnering up and are in this together, but don't even have someone for that

 

[melwarson]

I'm so sorry. I'm a good listener if you ever need to talk to someone.

 

[kurtis]

I'm very sorry that you feel that way but please don't give yourself that negative talk, people absolutely do care about you. People on this forum, people outside of the internet. It takes a while, but you will find the person or people you need in your life.

 

[Zegers]

people absolutely do care about you. People on this forum, people outside of the internet. It takes a while, but you will find the person or people you need in your life.

He is saying that people are not interested. you mean well but these self-help platitudes are meaningless. You don't know if you will find someone or not.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's just the unfortunate reality that you cannot rely on other people in this cruel world, it certainly seems like humans just create even more suffering a lot of the time.
But anyway it's really understandable wishing to permanently be free from this dreadful existence, suicide really should be easier as it's true that there is too much suffering in existing.

 

[whorl]

Can someone help me prep for my ctb?

I've got about 0.1795 bitcoin, which would be roughly about 5'400 USD.

I am thinking about hiring a hitman or buying a gun through a dead drop and then doing it myself.

I've looked into this website:

http://uusssyqrau4h54ce7stlkemvv7jntmtexx26wtxqxlcy4256do6pr5yd.onion

They have a positive rating on here:

http://of3fshsmkrtrapgbsd5pueyqrydwir2yc7om44s2zjs3bjfomd232uqd.onion

Both websites look authentic to me.

I don't know if I can cover the hitman option to be killed.
The gun-DIY option would be in my price range. They say dropping a gun costs about 600-4'000 USD.