Nights
Student
- Apr 27, 2023
- 164
I miss the old times, i used to wake up with a motivation, for my friends, i used to not sleep due to being so excited about the next day, i used to wake up early in the morning because my friends existed, whenever i woken up i always thinked "are my friends already wake?" so that i could play videogames or other games with them, that was when i was a child, those moments are gone, the old me does no longer exist, i can't bear this pain anymore, i'm not that type that gets annoyed by loneliness since i'm a loner, but i had specific people that i cared about, and dedicated my whole life and money for them, they're not manipulative or anything they was the best thing happened in my life, expect bad things happen, now i wake up depressed, disappointed at myself, ashamed of what i have become, sometimes it takes me half a hour to get off bed because i'm just tired and sad, if only dreams, before i sleep i always wish if i just could press a button and i disappear, i hardly sleep even with medicine, i'm just too tired, i'm the biggest failure ever, there is no way i will ever recover from depression i've been depressed since i were 8, my first suicide attempt was when i was 11, i realized it won't get better and there's no future for me a long time ago, even when i felt a bit of hope i figured out i'll end up committing suiciding and that can't be prevented, i don't want death, what i really want is old times to back, and i get a second chance in life, but this won't happen, and since it won't happen it will lead to pain, and i will try to stop the pain through any means even suicide, so i will suicide in order to stop my suffering although i don't want to stop my pain through this way, but it's the only way for me, there's no other ways
