Venting Therapy but no help

[aoki_00]

I feel like an absolute alien. Every time i speak to someone i have to mask. It feels like everyone had like a program on how to act in social situations. Everyone except me. I feel like i think different than most people but i can't quite formulate why. I can't stay in noisy rooms and places for too long before my brain kind of shuts off. This led to the point of me feeling absolute shitty and like i'd never fit in and being suicidal. So naturally I went to therapy. I was in the psych ward as well but nothing really worked. I'm very much being told that i don't have the will to change stuff which is not true I do want to change stuff but i do not know what which is why i'm in therapy. There are obvious things they tell me to do which i've already tried because they were so obvious.The most recent example was of me telling my therapist that i struggle with finding motivation to do tiring tasks like cleaning my room, studying, etc.. She said that improving my reward system would help but I said that i already tried this. And yes I do know that this would help for most people but as i said i truly feel different, like my brain is wired different and i tried this with a therapist before. Most of my therapists gave me tips like that (not specifically to that problem but i'm general) and nothing really worked.
I also don't think therapists and other people in general don't understand me. Not only of aspects like me not finding motivation but also me feeling very different from other people. Which is firstly because i suck at understanding my own feelings and putting them into words. Secondly because as previously mentioned I might think different than other people. So now im here and i do not know what to do. Obviously i could go and look for another therapist who could understand me better but honestly i don't have the strength for that after being told by at least 3 different therapists that it seems like i don't have the will to change something and no one ever having an explanation what is wrong with me.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

sounds like it could be undiagnosed autism and possible adhd, i struggle with the exact same shit and I only learned and got diagnosed recently with both. ADHD fucks with your brains rewards system by making short tasks rewarding and long ones misery. Autism would explain the feeling like everyone is so different and doesn't understand you, and it would make sense why it's so difficult to describe in words your feelings and thoughts, as it is for me too.

 

[aoki_00]

sounds like it could be undiagnosed autism and possible adhd, i struggle with the exact same shit and I only learned and got diagnosed recently with both. ADHD fucks with your brains rewards system by making short tasks rewarding and long ones misery. Autism would explain the feeling like everyone is so different and doesn't understand you, and it would make sense why it's so difficult to describe in words your feelings and thoughts, as it is for me too.

Oh yes i also thought i had adhd but i have the kind where i'm a woman and were good at school and don't struggle at uni so my doctor and one psychiatrist i've talked to couldn't diagnose me

 

[KillingPain267]

Therapy is BS. Only alcohol and drugs are the temorary relief.