SolomonKado
This is taking too long…
- Jul 4, 2023
- 424
I just seen my therapist and she keeps trying to push the narrative about how I shouldn't think badly about myself and how to work on it. I have told her many times it's not me that I have a problem with its the other people. She has told me before that many clients of hers work at the prison like I did and have the same concerns.
Other people sometimes will do everything in their power to show you that they have it and you don't. Being around people terrifies me because of my time working at the prison. So many bad personality types gravitate to that place.
I expect the inmates to act dumb, but they tend to act better than most staff there and that terrifies me.
The people who abuse power are the ones in power and I have no other option, but to be in the same vicinity as them because they are my or the areas supervisor.
I am really good at cooking and baking because of my time in the military and because of working in the kitchen area of the prison if I try to cook anything now it brings back horrible memories of how I was treated there. I even tried to leave that area for another to get away and a person from management told me he'd hate to lose me because of all of my experience in food service. He put me in the supply area of the kitchen with a $2.5 million dollar budget to buy food, equipment, supplies, etc. It was an area all to myself with about 4-5 inmates working for me. I was able to choose who worked back there and because of that we all go along really well. Then the supervisors from the kitchen would come back to my area with the sole purpose of telling me everywhere they thought I was screwing up.
I've had very few and far between good supervisors there and it made it harder to deal with the bad ones because it just showed they "could" be a lot less of a douche bag and nicer.
I fought everyday for 14 years telling myself "this will get better" and fighting for my own sanity. I would see some people who never had problems there and that was because they were friends with the bad supervisors. They would use that as a way to get out of work and make the rest of us work harder.
I was exhausted everyday when I came home from work so bad physically and mentally that I had no hobbies and I stopped being social. I kept going farther and farther down the hole of depression because of being around people who had power and would show me I had none. Now I fear leaving my house because there are so many there and in the world. Why does this world have to be that way?
I was done with my shift in the kitchen at the prison and went to the area supervisor to let him know I was done and going back to my area to help give people staying over their shift the ability to go home and I'd replace them. The supervisor said "No. You're not going anywhere." I told him you don't need me and people would like to go home so I left. My supervisor called me to his office and his only question was as "did you tell a supervisor NO." I informed him of wverything that happened and he called the supervisor I said no to and the only thing they were concerned with was me telling him "No.". Then my supervisor asked that guy if he needed me back to the area and he said no. I was pissed and still ended up going to take over for someone.
Another time I was telling the management my issues with my area at the time and the only thing he said was "I don't think you know what you're doing." I asked him if our conversation was done and got up and left.
Beginning of this year I got hurt because of a supervisor taking a coworker out causing issues and my injury. From everything I seen people getting attacked by inmates was because a supervisor or coworker treated the inmates like trash. Yelling at them and calling them worthless. The inmates would get themselves worked up and attack the next person who came along. I've seen so many good people, including me, get hurt because of other peoples actions towards the inmates…needless to say I got along better with inmates better than I did the staff. What I seen in a lot of them was someone who was in a pretty bad time in their life and trying hard not to CTB. Others were trash people, but I still didn't treat them like that. They are in the worst place in their lives and I am not going to make it worse. My job is to make sure they don't hurt each other or staff. 14 years I worked there telling myself "this will get better."
Their biggest mottos were "If you don't like it find another job" and "We are not responsible for staffs Moral."
Other people sometimes will do everything in their power to show you that they have it and you don't. Being around people terrifies me because of my time working at the prison. So many bad personality types gravitate to that place.
I expect the inmates to act dumb, but they tend to act better than most staff there and that terrifies me.
The people who abuse power are the ones in power and I have no other option, but to be in the same vicinity as them because they are my or the areas supervisor.
I am really good at cooking and baking because of my time in the military and because of working in the kitchen area of the prison if I try to cook anything now it brings back horrible memories of how I was treated there. I even tried to leave that area for another to get away and a person from management told me he'd hate to lose me because of all of my experience in food service. He put me in the supply area of the kitchen with a $2.5 million dollar budget to buy food, equipment, supplies, etc. It was an area all to myself with about 4-5 inmates working for me. I was able to choose who worked back there and because of that we all go along really well. Then the supervisors from the kitchen would come back to my area with the sole purpose of telling me everywhere they thought I was screwing up.
I've had very few and far between good supervisors there and it made it harder to deal with the bad ones because it just showed they "could" be a lot less of a douche bag and nicer.
I fought everyday for 14 years telling myself "this will get better" and fighting for my own sanity. I would see some people who never had problems there and that was because they were friends with the bad supervisors. They would use that as a way to get out of work and make the rest of us work harder.
I was exhausted everyday when I came home from work so bad physically and mentally that I had no hobbies and I stopped being social. I kept going farther and farther down the hole of depression because of being around people who had power and would show me I had none. Now I fear leaving my house because there are so many there and in the world. Why does this world have to be that way?
I was done with my shift in the kitchen at the prison and went to the area supervisor to let him know I was done and going back to my area to help give people staying over their shift the ability to go home and I'd replace them. The supervisor said "No. You're not going anywhere." I told him you don't need me and people would like to go home so I left. My supervisor called me to his office and his only question was as "did you tell a supervisor NO." I informed him of wverything that happened and he called the supervisor I said no to and the only thing they were concerned with was me telling him "No.". Then my supervisor asked that guy if he needed me back to the area and he said no. I was pissed and still ended up going to take over for someone.
Another time I was telling the management my issues with my area at the time and the only thing he said was "I don't think you know what you're doing." I asked him if our conversation was done and got up and left.
Beginning of this year I got hurt because of a supervisor taking a coworker out causing issues and my injury. From everything I seen people getting attacked by inmates was because a supervisor or coworker treated the inmates like trash. Yelling at them and calling them worthless. The inmates would get themselves worked up and attack the next person who came along. I've seen so many good people, including me, get hurt because of other peoples actions towards the inmates…needless to say I got along better with inmates better than I did the staff. What I seen in a lot of them was someone who was in a pretty bad time in their life and trying hard not to CTB. Others were trash people, but I still didn't treat them like that. They are in the worst place in their lives and I am not going to make it worse. My job is to make sure they don't hurt each other or staff. 14 years I worked there telling myself "this will get better."
Their biggest mottos were "If you don't like it find another job" and "We are not responsible for staffs Moral."
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