The worst part of recovery

[Lonerzepam]

The worst part is that with everyday you recover and eventually get better but still contemplate suicide like it's a DVD. I want to be gone so badly. I can't stand living like this anymore. But with everyday passing I probably get 0.001% better. So the worst part of recovery atleast for me is to put so much effort in it not knowing if you'll eventually ctb because you just can't take it anymore and all the effort you would have put in to recovery would have been for nothing. That's the only thing holding me back. I already put so much effort to get better but everyday is still just hell. But it got better. Still I'm suicidal every second of the day. But if I do it now it would all have been for nothing. Often I regret not kms earlier so I would be in peace now. Goddamn this life I live...

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

All we can do is keep trying. It's like a rollercoaster. Some days are just awful, other days are ok. It's a process. I hope things get better for you. I wish you the best

 

[fiasco]

Yeah, I know how you feel. You try to be better every now and then but deep down some thoughts still linger

 

[Hirokami]

It's like being a swimmer in distress. Trying to survive, you gasp for air. You get a little bit of it but then you're met with a mouthful of chlorine. And this happens repeatedly until (a you find a lifesaver or (b you drown. All we can do is hope that lifesaver comes sooner than never. For me, it seems like it's taking its sweet time.