The world is already fucked up

[last day on earth]

I think most people don't realize that once we are born we are all already doomed. The truth is that most of the things around us are negative and the tiny flashes of happiness that appear to us from time to time are nothing more than a pause between one suffering and another. In a world where superficiality and selfishness are the order of the day, it is impossible to grow well, it is impossible for people like me to live there. I feel constantly imprisoned in a society that doesn't belong to me, I feel like I can't get out of it and I'm condemned. I just wish I had more courage to end it once and for all but I can't, and I hate myself for it. If there was a button where as soon as you press it you die instantly I would have already killed myself a long time ago but unfortunately any currently existing method does not guarantee an instant and painless death. I started this blog to look for someone who can understand me, and tell how they get through their days despite feeling the enormous weight of life on their shoulders. I feel tired, tired of everything.

 

[Rational man]

Im very saddened to hear this pain you have I often admire some free spirited souls i know, who carry little on their shoulders. I think humankind has lost identity, purpose, etc and we are riddled with the falsehood of a perfect life and beautiful relationships. Many people dont know themselves, instead they pretend that life is wonderful. The hard truth about life is the randomness and chaos that we are exposed to. We as humans control little. For example, ive been struck down by an illness. I think life is about suffering with happier times inbetween. And then we die. Isnt that impermanence !?

 

[Kerrtu]

I think most people don't realize that once we are born we are all already doomed. The truth is that most of the things around us are negative and the tiny flashes of happiness that appear to us from time to time are nothing more than a pause between one suffering and another. In a world where superficiality and selfishness are the order of the day, it is impossible to grow well, it is impossible for people like me to live there. I feel constantly imprisoned in a society that doesn't belong to me, I feel like I can't get out of it and I'm condemned. I just wish I had more courage to end it once and for all but I can't, and I hate myself for it. If there was a button where as soon as you press it you die instantly I would have already killed myself a long time ago but unfortunately any currently existing method does not guarantee an instant and painless death. I started this blog to look for someone who can understand me, and tell how they get through their days despite feeling the enormous weight of life on their shoulders. I feel tired, tired of everything.

I too wish there was a button I could press and my life would be over quickly and without pain. The Futurama suicide booths…I wish I had one of those. And only 25¢ to use.

sigh

How do I get through the days…

I try to sleep as much as I can, but lately it's become difficult as I'm feeling more and more anxious for tomorrow, which is my chance to finally, fully end this madness.

So yeah, I try to sleep, I read quite a bit, write in a journal which I have been slacking on. I've been increasingly sick since December and I'm at a point where it's become a real task to move around very much. Exhausted of appointments and the hospital, the back and forth, with no answers, only more painful procedures. On the days I've been able to take small, slow walks, I've been taking pictures of particular flowers and texting them to my sister (we live in different states).

I had been feeling a tremendous amount of pressure (put on by me) to leave notes but ultimately I don't trust the police. When they eventually come in and check things out - ugh. I feel grossed out to think of police in the apartment, for any reason.

 

[Riverz]

Dm me if you want to talk

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm also tired of feeling trapped here, it's true that existing is something truly hopeless and for me simply just being awake makes the thought of non-existence sound so incredibly appealing, I see existence as itself as being the true problem which is why it's so cruel to procreate as it's just creating unnecessary suffering in a hellish world where there is unlimited potential to be tormented. I despise this harmful world that is filled with endless agony, the existence of life truly is a horrific tragedy.

And it really is so inhumane how we are denied access to a dignified, peaceful suicide, it's replusive to try and force people to be prisoners to this existence where they endure this process of slowly dying, destined only to suffer, decay and lose everything anyway.