wildflowers1996
Mage
- Oct 14, 2023
- 555
i try to convince myself otherwise but i'm sure it is
i keep thinking about how my parents sent me to private school - which i hated anyway - and thinking what a WASTE of money???? it makes me feel so guilty to think about.
That money could've been given to charity
It's not like having a "better" education has made me do beneficial things for the world
every time money is used on me or people use their time on me I feel so guilty
And I'm sure I made my mum's life worse by being born????? all I do is cause her stress for being so mentally ill??? and I've caused so many other problems
I was hateful to someone who I thought had been really cruel to me but they weren't cruel I just thought they were but I'm sure I actually deserved to be treated "badly" by them or expected too much from them so I shouldn't have reacted how I did
I'm self centred too ugh and I don't even know if I care???? like it FEELS like I feel horribly guilty and I /hope/ that's because I regret causing people so many problems but maybe I just don't like feeling ashamed of myself or I think I'll be punished somehow and I'm just being selfish again?
why am I always so focused on my own stupid problems
I do try to be there for other people but it's just never enough
i keep thinking about how my parents sent me to private school - which i hated anyway - and thinking what a WASTE of money???? it makes me feel so guilty to think about.
That money could've been given to charity
It's not like having a "better" education has made me do beneficial things for the world
every time money is used on me or people use their time on me I feel so guilty
And I'm sure I made my mum's life worse by being born????? all I do is cause her stress for being so mentally ill??? and I've caused so many other problems
I was hateful to someone who I thought had been really cruel to me but they weren't cruel I just thought they were but I'm sure I actually deserved to be treated "badly" by them or expected too much from them so I shouldn't have reacted how I did
I'm self centred too ugh and I don't even know if I care???? like it FEELS like I feel horribly guilty and I /hope/ that's because I regret causing people so many problems but maybe I just don't like feeling ashamed of myself or I think I'll be punished somehow and I'm just being selfish again?
why am I always so focused on my own stupid problems
I do try to be there for other people but it's just never enough