Discussion The Waiting Game

[reapandsow918]

Waiting to CTB is the worst. I have the strongest desire to want to end it now but I am at risk of losing my freedom. Here in the US all it takes is a phone call to the police then boom institutionalized and your freedom is gone. It's terrible, everyday is a nightmare. It's pure torture. The best solution for me is to stay off the radar and wait for my opportunity.

I'm becoming numb to everything. Nothing gets to me anymore. Not even my family which were the ones that were the reasons for me to stay alive. I cannot wait for my time to come. Pure peace. The holidays have become nothing but another regular day for me.

 

[Moonicide]

Right there with you. Waiting to CTB is killing me right now, but knowing my day will come soon brings me comfort.
I hope your day comes soon too. I know the waiting game is so awful and torturous, but hopefully having us to communicate with can bring you some sort of comfort and distraction. I'm numb too. I still talk to my friends everyday and I feel nothing. The days I would long for my boyfriend to call me? They're gone. Absolutely nothing... No want or need, except for peace. I wish the same for you too, love.

 

[lymbo]

the land of the free the home of the brave greatest democracy ryght?

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Omg yes I know that feeling, july is so far away :(

 

[Csmith8827]

I'm in the same boat as you. This site helps a bit though. Just to communicate with others and as a distraction as moon said earlier. I hope it gets better for you and that you can find some sort of meaning or something to pour yourself into or occupy your time with.

 

[Hotsackage]

Just waitin for my sn. Then its sininora. I wanna stay alive but my brain needs to be put in its place

 

[I’vehadenough]

I have to wait too...almost a month. The agony is unbearable. Idk how many more movies and video games I can handle...the boredom is tortourous...I need a new distraction

 

[Meant2Die]

I got about 3-4 weeks (ideally, if I don't chicken out). I know waht you mean though. Today has proven to me I don't care to be around for the holidays at all, if fact i think I would prefer to leave before XMas now. I think being in the state of numbness and being ready to go is the best state to be in. When i first started buying the SN supplies and making other moves it felt almost wrong, uncomfortable and unreal and I was going through a lot of anxiety... as the weeks go by and I almost have everything, and have cried over and over again about having to leave this planet, my anxiety has gone down and it really feels more realistic that all I will have to do is swallow some pills, then throw back a salty drink and that will be that. Just that simple.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I have to wait too...almost a month. The agony is unbearable. Idk how many more movies and video games I can handle...the boredom is tortourous...I need a new distraction

Hey Girl! I'm so glad i haven't missed you while I was away....... I hear you with the video games and media------ you know thats when its coming down the wire...... When one is isolated the need for distraction becomes paramount..... I keep reorganizing my house and throwing away shit. Ugh..... The wait. It really is the worst....
I agree. Same here. I have a LONG wait ahead of me if i want to self deliver in the most respecable way that causes the LEAST COLLATERAL DAMAGE......

 

[Mr2005]

I'm good at waiting. Fifteen years to find out if anyone will do surgery and I'm still waiting

 

[lymbo]

I'm good at waiting. Fifteen years to find out if anyone will do surgery and I'm still waiting

what surgery?

 

[I’vehadenough]

Hey Girl! I'm so glad i haven't missed you while I was away....... I hear you with the video games and media------ you know thats when its coming down the wire...... When one is isolated the need for distraction becomes paramount..... I keep reorganizing my house and throwing away shit. Ugh..... The wait. It really is the worst....
I agree. Same here. I have a LONG wait ahead of me if i want to self deliver in the most respecable way that causes the LEAST COLLATERAL DAMAGE......

Reorganizing is a good distraction....I wish boredom literally killed me lol