the urge is really bad

[finish.me]

went downstairs to get a glass of water at 2 am yesterday it was right before i made that post about starving to death and my mom was already awake so she calls out to me bc its dark, just to make sure its me and then her voice wakes up my dad. he gets mad and screams at me to fix my schedule and then even though i WAS awake just to get out of conflict i tell him i just woke up and was getting water, i go back to my room and 3 minutes later he comes up and goes ape shit, screaming at me to not lie to him, slams on the door and it almost fucking breaks off the hinges and makes the movement like hes about to punch me, he's taller and literally obese but its mostly muscle, he's 5'11 and like 280 pounds and i'm 5'8 and literally like 110 pounds bc ive been fucking starving myself, and he's hit me many times before so i flinch and now im just stewing in anger because i feel so powerless.

im supposed to move. soon. but hes under the belief that im not going anywhere and i'm honestly considering stealing their money and just hotel hopping until i can actually leave. but im too exhausted to leave the house honestly. i dont have the energy to pack. i dont ahve the energy to go anywhere

 

[cooldude420]

dont starve urself. food is one of few thing that alway guud.

that sound bad situation. i think other people give better advice.

u soun yung. life can get better. sorry u hurtin

 

[Darkover]

i tried to starve my self to death a few times never really made it more than a few days but the desire to die is strong, it's a shame we're all enslaved in awful shit and forced to enjoy eating shit cause food is shit.

 

[LaurieOfLife]

Hey dude, I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I'm really, really sorry. Please don't starve yourself. If you want to die as badly as the rest of us here, I cannot stop you. Just know that I want you to be at peace. If death will give that to you, then so be it.

 

[in pain]

It sounds like you are on the right track, if the environment you are in makes you suicidal then changing it has a high likelyhood of helping. Perhaps eating more and working out (if that is an option for you) could be empowering not only right now but in your future. It could give you the confidence that you can stick up for yourself if someone tries to impose themselves physically on you.

 

[toforigivelife]

I don't need to tell you that you're living in hell and being abused.

I truly hope that you can get out of that house and maybe give yourself a chance. I don't know how dire your mental health situation is or if a change in circumstances would make a world of difference.

Wishing you an escape to a better place, peace and healing. I'm so sorry for the treatment you have to live with.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much and are going through this. Some people are just so cruel, you do not deserve to be treated like that. No matter what happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Ch92921]

Once tried with not drinking. Not possible.