The unfortunate problem with SN

[L951788]

Is that you can't do it on an impulse. I would be dead already if I had a method that was reliable for being on an impulse. But starting a fast and having all that time to mull it over just hasn't worked for me.

 

[moonchild]

Ironically, I see that as one of the good things about it. I'm just the opposite of an impulsive person, so I imagine the planning and structure would give me some kind of comfort.

 

[Meditation guide]

Is that you can't do it on an impulse. I would be dead already if I had a method that was reliable for being on an impulse. But starting a fast and having all that time to mull it over just hasn't worked for me.

I know what you mean. It takes determination and planning.

 

[oneanonymous]

Since I can't risk taking a dopamine blocker, the SN method has always seemed like not a good option for me. However, even if it was, I'd really love to smoke some weed and have a huge meal with all my favorite foods before I go. Kind of like a prisoner's last meal. Fasting makes me more anxious too, making it harder for me to go through with it.

 

[Fragile]

In a way I know how this feels, I consider myself an impulsive person and get these thoughts quite often with my method.

But I actually think this is a good thing, these methods that require some level of preparation really make you think of what you're doing and why. you really have to be in a very specific mindset and fully ready to take the most important decision in your life.

 

[mini_weeny]

Since I can't risk taking a dopamine blocker, the SN method has always seemed like not a good option for me. However, even if it was, I'd really love to smoke some weed and have a huge meal with all my favorite foods before I go. Kind of like a prisoner's last meal. Fasting makes me more anxious too, making it harder for me to go through with it.

What's wrong with dopamine blockers?

 

[Wakawaka]

not sure about ya'll but im fairly confident in 2 doses doing me in without a fast

 

[oneanonymous]

What's wrong with dopamine blockers?

They can cause akathisia, which I've dealt with and the idea of being hit with that before dying is such a nightmare scenario to me. Such a hellish way to go, even if it's only for a few minutes. A lot of people kill themselves because of it, even with no history of mental illness. For example, there was a doctor who was given an antiemetic injection in the hospital and then killed himself by jumping into a train because it was so unbearable. My first attempts were when I was dealing with severe akathisia, and I never want to go through that again. Not just the physical hell, but the absolute terror and dysphoria it can cause is out of this world. Not to scare people away from it. I'm pretty sure it's a relatively rare reaction, but now that I've had it, even things like benadryl and 5-htp cause it to come back for about two weeks so the chances of a dopamine blocker causing this are very high for me.

 

[mini_weeny]

They can cause akathisia, which I've dealt with and the idea of being hit with that before dying is such a nightmare scenario to me. Such a hellish way to go, even if it's only for a few minutes. A lot of people kill themselves because of it, even with no history of mental illness. For example, there was a doctor who was given an antiemetic injection in the hospital and then killed himself by jumping into a train because it was so unbearable. My first attempts were when I was dealing with severe akathisia, and I never want to go through that again. Not just the physical hell, but the absolute terror and dysphoria it can cause is out of this world. Not to scare people away from it. I'm pretty sure it's a relatively rare reaction, but now that I've had it, even things like benadryl and 5-htp cause it to come back for about two weeks so the chances of a dopamine blocker causing this are very high for me.

My life was destroyed by prokinetics too, I took them for months and they were literally poisoning me and no doctor would listen, I have permanent cognitive and physical damage from that. I remember the muscle jerks, twitches and involuntary movements. Oh yes neuro issues are hell.

 

[Nymph]

It's not for everyone I guess, but if you feel you need to do it on an impulsive maybe you should think about it more and see why you're not ready yet and why you're not calm about it.

 

[mini_weeny]

They can cause akathisia, which I've dealt with and the idea of being hit with that before dying is such a nightmare scenario to me. Such a hellish way to go, even if it's only for a few minutes. A lot of people kill themselves because of it, even with no history of mental illness. For example, there was a doctor who was given an antiemetic injection in the hospital and then killed himself by jumping into a train because it was so unbearable. My first attempts were when I was dealing with severe akathisia, and I never want to go through that again. Not just the physical hell, but the absolute terror and dysphoria it can cause is out of this world. Not to scare people away from it. I'm pretty sure it's a relatively rare reaction, but now that I've had it, even things like benadryl and 5-htp cause it to come back for about two weeks so the chances of a dopamine blocker causing this are very high for me.

This potentially means also that getting assisted suicide is impossible for people like us through the oral route since they use an anti emetic too. Seems like we are fucked, only
the gruesome methods are available for us.

 

[262653]

Yep, that's exactly why I'm opting for stat dose.
I went for 40h regimen once, and chickened about 1h before planning to take the solution. The subjective experience of days was extremely slow, and I found it difficult to keep myself busy with unimportant nonsense. I could hardly sleep the day before my expected exit.

In hindsight I'm glad I didn't go for it as my plan has greatly improved in terms of reliability since then.

 

[http-410]

I can understand that very well. I'm also thinking about this a lot at the moment.

I've already considered drastically reducing my food intake so that I'll have it easier if I do decide to do it "impulsively". But food is one of the few things that still distracts me, and it's really difficult to fast when you're surrounded by food all the time. Loss of appetite due to depression does help to fast, but it's still difficult.

 

[pen]

This potentially means also that getting assisted suicide is impossible for people like us through the oral route since they use an anti emetic too. Seems like we are fucked, only
the gruesome methods are available for us.

Benzos do counter-act the akathisia, I'll take one benzo with every meto dose during the 48 hour regimen.
I've 45 2mg clonopin.
Thanks

 

[I want to end it]

Is that you can't do it on an impulse. I would be dead already if I had a method that was reliable for being on an impulse. But starting a fast and having all that time to mull it over just hasn't worked for me.

If you regularly don't eat for long periods of time, it's possible to do on impulse.

 

[Buffy5120]

They can cause akathisia, which I've dealt with and the idea of being hit with that before dying is such a nightmare scenario to me. Such a hellish way to go, even if it's only for a few minutes. A lot of people kill themselves because of it, even with no history of mental illness. For example, there was a doctor who was given an antiemetic injection in the hospital and then killed himself by jumping into a train because it was so unbearable. My first attempts were when I was dealing with severe akathisia, and I never want to go through that again. Not just the physical hell, but the absolute terror and dysphoria it can cause is out of this world. Not to scare people away from it. I'm pretty sure it's a relatively rare reaction, but now that I've had it, even things like benadryl and 5-htp cause it to come back for about two weeks so the chances of a dopamine blocker causing this are very high for me.

I had the same reaction but this was when i was in the hospital for gastroparesis they gave me the lowest dose to stop throwing up never again. took 3 days to subside felt shaky and couldn't sleep. This is why im not using meto only gunna make a back up drink in case i throw up

 

[Wrennie]

They can cause akathisia, which I've dealt with and the idea of being hit with that before dying is such a nightmare scenario to me. Such a hellish way to go, even if it's only for a few minutes. A lot of people kill themselves because of it, even with no history of mental illness. For example, there was a doctor who was given an antiemetic injection in the hospital and then killed himself by jumping into a train because it was so unbearable. My first attempts were when I was dealing with severe akathisia, and I never want to go through that again. Not just the physical hell, but the absolute terror and dysphoria it can cause is out of this world. Not to scare people away from it. I'm pretty sure it's a relatively rare reaction, but now that I've had it, even things like benadryl and 5-htp cause it to come back for about two weeks so the chances of a dopamine blocker causing this are very high for me.

Very well-said! I'm dealing with akathisia now and it's one of my primary reasons for wanting to CTB. It's also why I'm very hesistant to take Meto despite possessing a means to obtain it.

I'm glad it seems as though your akathisia has gone away for the most part! It's a Hell I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

 

[loopylou]

I comfort eat. So the fasting has been an issue for me.
I really wanna get drunk then do it too :( lowers my inhibitions and my generally giving a shit

 

[TheSomebody]

actually, you can do it on impulse, but its not peaceful as it should be with prep

 

[oneanonymous]

Very well-said! I'm dealing with akathisia now and it's one of my primary reasons for wanting to CTB. It's also why I'm very hesistant to take Meto despite possessing a means to obtain it.

I'm glad it seems as though your akathisia has gone away for the most part! It's a Hell I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

Jesus, I'm so sorry. It's literally torture. I was already suicide before the aka but I wasn't planning on cbting for years. The plan was ctb around 40 (I was 32 then). Then I got hit with aka from SSRIs and that's when I decided to go ahead and go through with it and actually attempted suicide four times. I really hope this goes away soon for you. It's insane how that feels. It's impossible to describe accurately to people who've never been through it.. Best of luck to you.

 

[Buffy5120]

Jesus, I'm so sorry. It's literally torture. I was already suicide before the aka but I wasn't planning on cbting for years. The plan was ctb around 40 (I was 32 then). Then I got hit with aka from SSRIs and that's when I decided to go ahead and go through with it and actually attempted suicide four times. I really hope this goes away soon for you. It's insane how that feels. It's impossible to describe accurately to people who've never been through it.. Best of luck to you.

Why dont u want to deal use sn people ctb still without meto u can just make an extra backup in case you throw up?

 

[fred farkle]

Jesus, I'm so sorry. It's literally torture. I was already suicide before the aka but I wasn't planning on cbting for years. The plan was ctb around 40 (I was 32 then). Then I got hit with aka from SSRIs and that's when I decided to go ahead and go through with it and actually attempted suicide four times. I really hope this goes away soon for you. It's insane how that feels. It's impossible to describe accurately to people who've never been through it.. Best of luck to you.

how did you attempt ctb?? you tried four times? will you try to ctb in the future?

 

[oneanonymous]

Why dont u want to deal use sn people ctb still without meto u can just make an extra backup in case you throw up?

I've been considering this, though I'd probably have to make more than one drink. I have an incredibly sensitive stomach, so I have no doubts that I will vomit. The thing is, once I do, when I drink more, I'm very likely to immediately throw that up too. Then there is the whole fasting thing, which my body does not respond to well. I just tried fasting days ago, just as a mind over matter test, and have fasted in the past and I always feel so ill and shaky when I do and as someone with an anxiety disorder, fasting worsens this too. It just doesn't seem like a very peaceful way to go for me personally, but I still haven't ruled it out. I'm thinking of going ahead and buying some, just so I have it in case they ever make it illegal to purchase without some kind of license or something in the future.

how did you attempt ctb?? you tried four times? will you try to ctb in the future?

I tried partial hanging all four times. I just couldn't lose consciousness. At around the 45 second mark, the exploding head thing would start to worry me and I was afraid I was only going to do serious damage without dying so I'd stop each time. After reading even more about it later, I now recognize things I did wrong and I can definitely approve in the future. Now that it's not such an impulsive decision for me, for now anyway, the risks (permanent damage/vegetative state) frightens me, so I honestly don't know if I'll try this method again in the future but I do think it's still the most likely unless I can find another way.

 

[SleepyTime]

actually, you can do it on impulse, but its not peaceful as it should be with prep

This is the truth. The only thing necessary to CTB with SN is SN (and some water). Everything else is just to make the process nicer and increase the chance of success. But in reality all you need is to drink the SN and if you vomit, you drink some more. That is all that is necessary.

We all want the fantasy of a happy and peaceful death, the dying on a bed of rose petals and having butterflies kissing us as we pass over. There is nothing wrong with this and so we come up with additions to reduce our SI and try and prevent the unpleasantness of vomiting.

Fasting helps, because lets face it - if you eat a double bacon cheese burger with large fries just before you drink the SN, the SN is going to get absorbed into the food in your stomach and then you will have all that food to vomit. But if you fast there is nothing else in your stomach and so only a small amount of liquid will come up if you vomit. And that is what people want, because vomiting in general is unpleasant. So if you haven't fasted you just need to be prepared to vomit up the food in your stomach and be ready to drink some more SN.

The meto helps in two ways, to help empty the stomach and to help reduce the automatic response to vomit. But even with meto you might still vomit. So once again all you need to do is to be prepared with a second dose of SN.

And taking a benzo will help with the SI. But then again, everything is better with a benzo.

 

[BandAddict]

They can cause akathisia, which I've dealt with and the idea of being hit with that before dying is such a nightmare scenario to me. Such a hellish way to go, even if it's only for a few minutes. A lot of people kill themselves because of it, even with no history of mental illness. For example, there was a doctor who was given an antiemetic injection in the hospital and then killed himself by jumping into a train because it was so unbearable. My first attempts were when I was dealing with severe akathisia, and I never want to go through that again. Not just the physical hell, but the absolute terror and dysphoria it can cause is out of this world. Not to scare people away from it. I'm pretty sure it's a relatively rare reaction, but now that I've had it, even things like benadryl and 5-htp cause it to come back for about two weeks so the chances of a dopamine blocker causing this are very high for me.

Wow, I never knew what this was called. I experienced this exact problem when I was on Quetiapine. It really is absolute hell. Makes sleeping a nightmare. That's another fear with SN, is that Q is the only thing I have to take with it.

 

[oneanonymous]

Wow, I never knew what this was called. I experienced this exact problem when I was on Quetiapine. It really is absolute hell. Makes sleeping a nightmare. That's another fear with SN, is that Q is the only thing I have to take with it.

Yeah, I've experienced it in the past with opiate withdrawals but never knew what it was called. I always thought my withdrawals seemed much worse than everyone else's back then even, and I now I know why. But then, it would only last maybe a week. This last time with SSRIs, it lasted for a year, but half that time I took kratom to alleviate most of it. I kind of wonder if maybe I could take kratom if I chose SN in case meto caused this reaction, but I don't know if a dopamine blocker would block the effects of it. I know there are different dopamine receptors that are blocked by different stuff, so I have no idea what something like meto would do in this regard. Plus, kratom can easily make me nauseous, so I'd also be more likely to vomit even more.
When aka is severe, I can't sleep at all. I'd be up for days pacing and then finally crash at some point.

 

[the_final_countdown]

Yeah, I've experienced it in the past with opiate withdrawals but never knew what it was called. I always thought my withdrawals seemed much worse than everyone else's back then even, and I now I know why. But then, it would only last maybe a week. This last time with SSRIs, it lasted for a year, but half that time I took kratom to alleviate most of it. I kind of wonder if maybe I could take kratom if I chose SN in case meto caused this reaction, but I don't know if a dopamine blocker would block the effects of it. I know there are different dopamine receptors that are blocked by different stuff, so I have no idea what something like meto would do in this regard. Plus, kratom can easily make me nauseous, so I'd also be more likely to vomit even more.
When aka is severe, I can't sleep at all. I'd be up for days pacing and then finally crash at some point.

I've experienced akathesia before.

You're right. You can't really describe the torture of it to people who have never experienced it before.

Restlessness doesn't do it justice. It's like looming perpetual horror you can't escape from. It's anxiety incarnate. For me, it was the worst experience I've ever felt.

 

[oneanonymous]

I've experienced akathesia before.

You're right. You can't really describe the torture of it to people who have never experienced it before.

Restlessness doesn't do it justice. It's like looming perpetual horror you can't escape from. It's anxiety incarnate. For me, it was the worst experience I've ever felt.

Same here. Worst experience of my life, and I've had some horrible experiences.

 

[untimelydemise]

you could just purge your stomach until empty....

 

[ZardozOmega]

I agree with this 100%. The fact that you have to plan this thing out hours, maybe days before, you just get a lot of time in which you can choose to pussy out. Happens to me all the time.