I
Ineedthis
Member
- Jul 28, 2023
- 79
I grew up wealthy with two loving parents and three loving siblings. I'm the youngest so I was the spoiled one. No matter what I do, it'll be my dad's money that got me to that point. I'm not complaining about being fortunate but I started fantasizing recently about bad things happening to my family and me more and more. A family member dying, my dad going bankrupt. It's like I'm constantly looking for something to pity myself for so I can feel like I deserve sympathy. I know I'm being super ungrateful and this is probably offensive to people who have gone through real struggles in their lives. Part of me just wants to feel like I have valid issues. It feels like once I've tried to kill myself, maybe I'll be pitied. I hate myself for these thoughts, but I still feel good sharing them under an alias. I know all my "problems" Aren't really problems and are struggles everyone goes through. I know I'm insanely lucky and should be grateful for the life I have. And yet I still find myself wishing that I was anybody at all in the whole world other than myself. Sometimes I wish someone would be awful to me and abusive so that I could feel like I've been through something. I could probably resist alcohol, self-harm and drugs if I wanted to at all, but it gives me that same feeling of my problems being real. Like I'm not just being edgy and I'm genuinely troubled and my life is near it's end.
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