The thought of successfully CTB’ing is the only thing giving me any sense of peace

[Huggs]

When I'm not asleep I feel different shades of terrible and sick every single day. I get a little whisper of peacefulness when I fully imagine being gone, but I immediately think of how likely it is I will fail. I haven't been able to figure out partial hanging, and SN has a wide margin of error. That's what terrifies me the most. Everything else in my life has gone terribly since I was a little child, I feel like my attempt will follow that same trend. I'm doing what I can to assure everything goes well, but I can't control how my body will react or how everything will go in reality. I'm scared of waking up after, still trapped in this hell I've been in nearly my entire life.

 

[Anon7b8]

When I'm not asleep I feel different shades of terrible and sick every single day. I get a little whisper of peacefulness when I fully imagine being gone, but I immediately think of how likely it is I will fail. I haven't been able to figure out partial hanging, and SN has a wide margin of error. That's what terrifies me the most. Everything else in my life has gone terribly since I was a little child, I feel like my attempt will follow that same trend. I'm doing what I can to assure everything goes well, but I can't control how my body will react or how everything will go in reality. I'm scared of waking up after, still trapped in this hell I've been in nearly my entire life.

Thank you, reading your post calmed me down. I was having a panic attack and shaking with anxiety when i read your thread. And thinking of those who succeeded really made me calm. Yeah sn isn't 100%. My plan is if ever i wake up after that attempt, would be to drink a higher dose of oxalic acid solution. Seeing that my body is in a weak state already, drinking that after would surely insure death no?

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

When I'm not asleep I feel different shades of terrible and sick every single day. I get a little whisper of peacefulness when I fully imagine being gone, but I immediately think of how likely it is I will fail. I haven't been able to figure out partial hanging, and SN has a wide margin of error. That's what terrifies me the most. Everything else in my life has gone terribly since I was a little child, I feel like my attempt will follow that same trend. I'm doing what I can to assure everything goes well, but I can't control how my body will react or how everything will go in reality. I'm scared of waking up after, still trapped in this hell I've been in nearly my entire life.

It's horrible that you have to feel this way.
If you decide ctb I hope it will go the way you want.
It may also be more calming if you would sketch out a backup plan but I don't know if it works for you
I hope you can find peace of mind

 

[Huggs]

Thank you, reading your post calmed me down. I was having a panic attack and shaking with anxiety when i read your thread. And thinking of those who succeeded really made me calm. Yeah sn isn't 100%. My plan is if ever i wake up after that attempt, would be to drink a higher dose of oxalic acid solution. Seeing that my body is in a weak state already, drinking that after would surely insure death no?

I'm glad my post helped. I hope we can join all those at peace very soon.

It's horrible that you have to feel this way.
If you decide ctb I hope it will go the way you want.
It may also be more calming if you would sketch out a backup plan but I don't know if it works for you
I hope you can find peace of mind

Thank you. I've thought about combining methods but I don't know if it's a good idea.

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

Thank you. I've thought about combining methods but I don't know if it's a good idea.

Could be the answer I have no idea, although I would be careful with being nauseous and applying pressure to ur neck.
But I'm no expert so who am I to say.

 

[Anon7b8]

I'm glad my post helped. I hope we can join all those at peace very soon.

Thank you. I've thought about combining methods but I don't know if it's a good idea.

I think combining solutions without the right knowledge backfires more often than not... Combining methods i think has a higher chance of its with hanging or drowning ie incapacitating yourself before either?

 

[FuneralCry]

The eternity of non-existence certainly is the only comfort and relief for me, it certainly is so incredibly comforting the thought of sleeping eternally where all is forgotten about. It's really terrifying how in this existence there is unlimited potential to suffer endlessly, failing a ctb attempt is also what I fear, it's just inhumane how we cannot just choose to leave this world reliably in peace.