The "think of your family" argument against suicide doesnt work and never will

[FireFox]

● Not everyone has caring and loving families. There is millions of kids in the foster care system who have foster parents that don't care about them and their wellbeing. There are children and teenagers who live in abusive households and struggle to find help to escape. In the UK there was a very sad case of a 13 year old girl called Amber Peat who went missing and was found hanged. When she went missing her mother and stepfather was even crying on live TV during a press conference appealing for the child's retun. After the Amber deaths it eventually came out her stepfather was abusing her and the mother allowed him. Social services knew but didn't care. Amber killed her self because she couldn't cope anymore and the adults around her didn't care enough to save her.

There were eleven missed opportunities in the Amber Peat case

The 13-year-old 'Cinderella schoolgirl' was found hanged in a bush in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, on June 2, 2015 - three days after she disappeared.

www.dailymail.co.uk

● Having a large family tree of relatives means absolutely nothing if you relatives do not care about you, I admit I envy people who dont have relatives because my relatives are horrible self centred people who love using others and gossiping. If I died by suicide today I can identify which relatives will be gossiping about how I was always the "crazy" one.

When I was in my early 20s my favourite relative who I trusted with personal stuff was gossiping to the relatives about how crazy I am and relatives were coming to my grandmother about witch and spiritual doctors I should see. It was so humiliating. I can identify which relatives won't even care about my death.

● Suicidal people who have loving families never ever intended to hurt and leave thier families behind to suffer with enormous pain. When you are suicidal the mental torment in your mind is so unbearable, you feel so trapped and absolutely nothing can give you relief from the pain. Not even the love of your own family can save you. I love my immediate family who are my grandmother, mother and sister so much but life isn't for me. I have tried so hard to give myself a good life and really wanted to live and enjoy life but I can't fight anymore these tormenting feelings.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's always fascinating how families would rather see their suicidal loved ones suffer though life, just so they can be spared the the grief of death in the family. But they want to talk about us being selfish...

 

[littlelungs]

Yeah. I have such a guilty conscience by nature, so all the "think of your family" argument does for me is make me feel even more guilty and like a bigger piece of shit than I already do just for existing, but it still doesn't change the circumstances that have made me want to die in the first place, so it's just unproductive and unhelpful all-around. I've gone out of my way my whole life to spare other people's feelings and keep them happy, oftentimes at my own expense, and I've never wanted to hurt anybody, especially the ones I love, but I'm still going to die anyway – I think that in itself says a lot about the amount of pain I'm in.

I'm leaving behind an autobiography for them (which was incredibly difficult for me to write in every aspect of the word and took years for me to finish) so that they can get some answers and insight into what all of this was like for me and can hopefully understand – even in the midst of their grief – that I held out for as long as I possibly could have, but that living with all of this pain, illness and trauma just wasn't bearable or sustainable in the long-term.

 

[FireFox]

Yeah. I have such a guilty conscience by nature, so all the "think of your family" argument does for me is make me feel even more guilty and like a bigger piece of shit than I already do just for existing, but it still doesn't change the circumstances that have made me want to die in the first place, so it's just unproductive and unhelpful all-around. I've gone out of my way my whole life to spare other people's feelings and keep them happy, oftentimes at my own expense, and I've never wanted to hurt anybody, especially the ones I love, but I'm still going to die anyway – I think that in itself says a lot about the amount of pain I'm in.

I'm leaving behind an autobiography for them (which was incredibly difficult for me to write in every aspect of the word and took years for me to finish) so that they can get some answers and insight into what all of this was like for me and can hopefully understand – even in the midst of their grief – that I held out for as long as I possibly could have, but that living with all of this pain, illness and trauma just wasn't bearable or sustainable in the long-term.

@littlelungs Your post just shows the true torment being suicidal really is. One of the worst things about being suicidal is nobody sess how hard you try and fight to overcome all the challenges, the tormenting thoughts and pure hopelessness you feel inside in your own mind.

The brain is a natural organ of the body and It is so scary how the human brain can use our deepest and darkest insecurities, fears and phobias to torment us. Mental illness is pure evil.

It's always fascinating how families would rather see their suicidal loved ones suffer though life, just so they can be spared the the grief of death in the family. But they want to talk about us being selfish...

@MatrixPrisoner There is no dignity in living with mental illness. Mentally ill people did not choose to be mentally ill and then have to deal with the judgment and lack of compassion from their own friends and family for having feelings they chose not to have.

Worst of all no matter how hard you try no one sees how hard you really tried to not the illness win. All people see is someone crazy but not the beautiful lost soul they are. A soul who had dreams, a soul who had a personality and so much more.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I just thought of my family.

Now I'm more suicidal.

 

[suicidal flapper]

My father abandoned me. My mother neglected and emotionally abused me. Both my parents and family think I'm a failure and believe I'm crazy even if they don't outright say it.

I should totally live for them. They totally deserve it. It's funny how pro-life statements always make me want to end my life even more

 

[BlazingBob]

My family are a bunch of assholes. Big reason why I'm here on this website.

 

[ssadbrownie]

● Not everyone has caring and loving families. There is millions of kids in the foster care system who have foster parents that don't care about them and their wellbeing. There are children and teenagers who live in abusive households and struggle to find help to escape. In the UK there was a very sad case of a 13 year old girl called Amber Peat who went missing and was found hanged. When she went missing her mother and stepfather was even crying on live TV during a press conference appealing for the child's retun. After the Amber deaths it eventually came out her stepfather was abusing her and the mother allowed him. Social services knew but didn't care. Amber killed her self because she couldn't cope anymore and the adults around her didn't care enough to save her.

There were eleven missed opportunities in the Amber Peat case

The 13-year-old 'Cinderella schoolgirl' was found hanged in a bush in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, on June 2, 2015 - three days after she disappeared.

www.dailymail.co.uk

● Having a large family tree of relatives means absolutely nothing if you relatives do not care about you, I admit I envy people who dont have relatives because my relatives are horrible self centred people who love using others and gossiping. If I died by suicide today I can identify which relatives will be gossiping about how I was always the "crazy" one.

When I was in my early 20s my favourite relative who I trusted with personal stuff was gossiping to the relatives about how crazy I am and relatives were coming to my grandmother about witch and spiritual doctors I should see. It was so humiliating. I can identify which relatives won't even care about my death.

● Suicidal people who have loving families never ever intended to hurt and leave thier families behind to suffer with enormous pain. When you are suicidal the mental torment in your mind is so unbearable, you feel so trapped and absolutely nothing can give you relief from the pain. Not even the love of your own family can save you. I love my immediate family who are my grandmother, mother and sister so much but life isn't for me. I have tried so hard to give myself a good life and really wanted to live and enjoy life but I can't fight anymore these tormenting feelings.

I feel you man i really i do. All these years being suicidal, i had never thought about my family being sad. However these days thats all i can think about

 

[ijustwishtodie]

The whole family argument is really stupid. What makes my family's life more important than mine?

 

[tiger b]

Emotional blackmail is exactly that. People should make their own decision based upon their own beliefs and circumstances. If some choose to live on because of their own family, up to them, but don't try and shove that down my throat. Those that genuinely know me would respect my decision, and those that don't, well who cares.

 

[todeswunsch]

- Think of your family!
- I did, and just added another thing on my reasons. Thank you!
- You're welcome

 

[134340]

Thank you for articulating this. My dads side of the family is horrible but my moms side does care about me. I have 5 siblings, 3 of which I don't think will handle my death well when it comes. If love was enough, I wouldn't be sick. I'm staying alive for my siblings right now, but that isn't going to work forever. Eventually I'm going to get too tired of living for others with no quality of life myself. It eats me alive thinking about how bad it'll be for them, but it's that bad for me every single day. Is it more selfish for me to leave and to put them in the same kind of pain, or for them to make me stay despite how painful life is? I haven't figured it out yet.

 

[ropearoundatree]

It does keep me here. . . It does. . . (Until, it doesn't!).

 

[prone2fury]

I think most parents are narcissists. Like, why else would you think you have the right to bring a human life into existence? And then they're so surprised when so many of us turn out wanting to die. Like... parents, this is your fault lmao

 

[FireFox]

My family are a bunch of assholes. Big reason why I'm here on this website.

@BlazingBob Enormous virtual hug. This is what makes me so angry there are millions of people who have really awful parents and relatives who cause a lot of suffering but society does not want to talk about that and more importantly how to support and help people leave these toxic families and find freedom. Family can be a factor why people end up killing themselves which is why the family argument against suicide doesnt work.

I am child of immigrants and in Immigrant families there is a lot of pressure from family and relatives to be a certain way and abuse being tolerated using culture and religion as an excuse.

My relatives are biggest arseholes ever and my insecurities over never belonging and wanting to fit in comes from them because of how they have treated me over the years. In my families culture family is a massive deal and my mother along with immediate family members cares about the approval from these arsehole relatives. My relatives get away with so much bullshit because my family members keep using Christian forgiveness tolerate their behaviour and remain in contact.

When the lockdown came I was so happy never having to see my relatives again. My depression and suicidal thoughts came back being forced to see the relatives again this year. I have the worst relatives ever I question God what did I do so wrong to be given self centred emotionally abusive parasitic relatives ?

I think most parents are narcissists. Like, why else would you think you have the right to bring a human life into existence? And then they're so surprised when so many of us turn out wanting to die. Like... parents, this is your fault lmao

@prone2fury Let's not forget relatives too on that list. I am child of immigrants living in the UK and in immigrant families there is a lot of pressure from extended relatives to be a certain way and unfortunately too many parents in my parents culture care about approval of other relatives and get mad if their kids don't follow. Society needs to have a serious discussion about abuse in families and extended family. Its disgusting how families use culture and religion as an excuse to abuse. My relatives do this a lot.

My relatives are the biggest pieces of shit who love to gossip about other people's lives, enjoy seeing other relatives fail in life, love to use others and are just emotionally and psychologically abusive.

I resent my grandmother and mother so much for always putting pressure on me to be perfect and caring so much what these arsehole relatives think. When a relative who I was always close with since childhood and trusted gossiped about my insecurities and told everyone I was "crazy" my grandmother and mother was more upset about the relatives gossiping than the fact I have serious insecurities. They were even mad at me for being upset over my insecurities.

My relatives get away with abuse and thier terrible behaviour because everyone else in the family uses the concept of Christian forgiveness and shames anyone who doesn't use Christian forgiveness.

The biggest reason why I feel like I do not belong and crave fitting in is because my blood relatives never gave me the real love and belonging families are supposed to give.

Thank you for articulating this. My dads side of the family is horrible but my moms side does care about me. I have 5 siblings, 3 of which I don't think will handle my death well when it comes. If love was enough, I wouldn't be sick. I'm staying alive for my siblings right now, but that isn't going to work forever. Eventually I'm going to get too tired of living for others with no quality of life myself. It eats me alive thinking about how bad it'll be for them, but it's that bad for me every single day. Is it more selfish for me to leave and to put them in the same kind of pain, or for them to make me stay despite how painful life is? I haven't figured it out yet.

@134340 People do not choose to be mentally ill, mental illness chose them. It is so scary how the brain which is a natural organ can use our darkest fears, insecurities and phobias to torment us, distort how we see the world and ourselves. Mental illness robs not only an individual of their ability to reason but of their human dignity before they die. Everything that is good about you the illness eats away.

One of the worst things about being suicidal is no one sees how hard you really fought to not the illness win.

 

[FireFox]

- Think of your family!
- I did, and just added another thing on my reasons. Thank you!
- You're welcome

@todeswunsch This what annoys me about suicide prevention campaigns they fail to acknowledge there millions of people who have absolutely awful families and relatives who bring nothing but suffering and play a role in harming an individual mental well-being and sanity.

Not everyone has the means and resources to escape from such parents and relatives especially if they come from a culture where family and image is a massive deal. My relatives are complete arseholes and they are the biggest reason why growing up I always felt like I never belonged anywhere and why in adulthood I crave belonging.

In my families culture( African) what your relatives think of your family and you is an enormous deal. If you behave in a way the relatives disapprove of they will think you are from a bad family or a bad person as result you get gossiped about and so does your family household, be treated badly and so much more. My mother and other family members care way too much what the relatives think. Its a fucking nightmare.

I once questioned why my family care so much what these relatives think,? My mother gave me so much shit over it, it was distrubing how my mum love these people who dont even give shit about her. These arsehole relatives all knew my mum was struggling when she had me but none of them cared to help even the wealthy ones didn't give a shit. I hate my mother for forcing me to bond with them all these years.

I hate my relatives and I plan to break contact and want nothing to do with them. I have made plans because once I break free and I am never looking back again.

 

[MeltingBrain]

It's always fascinating how families would rather see their suicidal loved ones suffer though life, just so they can be spared the the grief of death in the family. But they want to talk about us being selfish...

Deep and moving . Very well said my friend .

 

[ringo99]

Lol thinking of my family is the reason why I'm planning to ctb. It'd actually help them more than me sticking around and being a burden

 

[FireFox]

Emotional blackmail is exactly that. People should make their own decision based upon their own beliefs and circumstances. If some choose to live on because of their own family, up to them, but don't try and shove that down my throat. Those that genuinely know me would respect my decision, and those that don't, well who cares.

@tiger b We didn't chose to be mentally ill no one does it is such a shame society can not understand that. Right now I would give anything to be normal and live a life without suicidal thoughts. I really wanted to live, I fought do hard to improve my life and really tried my best but now all the fight I once had is gone.

I never wanted things to be this way.

 

[tiger b]

Just as you talk about fight, I post something similar on another thread.

I relate over the family issues.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've always been the scapegoat in my toxic family because I'm viewed as a depressed loser.
I won't be missed when I've gone, yet they will pretend to be upset over my death in front of their friends.

 

[tiger b]

It's a bit messed up if, as even a small child, you look around you and think 'this isn't right, this is nowhere near normal'.

 

[FireFox]

My father abandoned me. My mother neglected and emotionally abused me. Both my parents and family think I'm a failure and believe I'm crazy even if they don't outright say it.

I should totally live for them. They totally deserve it. It's funny how pro-life statements always make me want to end my life even more

@suicidal flapper You deserved so much better, I do not understand how people have kids with no intention of loving and caring about them, it's pure evil.

My father abandoned me too he left my mother and I for another woman and started a new family with her. As a teenager I learnt my father's new family and himself were living in a neighbourhood that was in the same area I live in, to get to that neighbourhood is a 30 minute bus ride away. It was hard knowing as a teen my father was close by the entire time and didn't care about my own existence. I have a lot of issues as a result.

My relatives are awful entilted arseholes who gossip, spread lies and live off other family members money while being so ungrateful and disrespectful. They knew my mum was struggling when she had me none of them cared even the wealthy ones didnt give a shit. This is why I hate my relatives so much. A lot of my depression comes from them. In my family's culture family is an enormous deal and my mother cares about the approval of these people. I do feel trapped.

I wish society could talk more openly and honestly about the true harm emotionally abusive relatives and family members cause. When I told my family I hate the relatives my family are still in deep denial over it. It feel so alone.

I've always been the scapegoat in my toxic family because I'm viewed as a depressed loser.
I won't be missed when I've gone, yet they will pretend to be upset over my death in front of their friends.

@Nembutal dreams Being disrespected and abused by your own family is the worst cruelty because we don't chose the families we are born into and we never asked to be born. Our families are responsible for our own existence as they chose to procreate and continue the family tree.

When it comes to my death I know for a fact my relatives will be gossiping about how I was always the crazy and werird one while sending condolences to my mother. I can easily identify which ones will be doing all the gossiping. My grandmother and mother care too much what these piece of shit relatives think about them and are too weak to stand up to them.

I hate my relatives and my god I hate my mother so much for always forcing to interact with these people, never giving me the right to make my own decisions regarding a future relationship involving the family and always wanting their approval unfortunately in my family's culture family is an enormous deal.

 

[FireFox]

Lol thinking of my family is the reason why I'm planning to ctb. It'd actually help them more than me sticking around and being a burden

@ringo99 Had our circumstances been different ie better then none of us would opt for suicide. Life is not fair some people are born in to brilliant circumstances where as others are born in to awful circumstances and worst of all none of us chose to be born.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

@suicidal flapper You deserved so much better, I do not understand how people have kids with no intention of loving and caring about them, it's pure evil.

My father abandoned me too he left my mother and I for another woman and started a new family with her. As a teenager I learnt my father's new family and himself were living in a neighbourhood that was in the same area I live in, to get to that neighbourhood is a 30 minute bus ride away. It was hard knowing as a teen my father was close by the entire time and didn't care about my own existence. I have a lot of issues as a result.

My relatives are awful entilted arseholes who gossip, spread lies and live off other family members money while being so ungrateful and disrespectful. They knew my mum was struggling when she had me none of them cared even the wealthy ones didnt give a shit. This is why I hate my relatives so much. A lot of my depression comes from them. In my family's culture family is an enormous deal and my mother cares about the approval of these people. I do feel trapped.

I wish society could talk more openly and honestly about the true harm emotionally abusive relatives and family members cause. When I told my family I hate the relatives my family are still in deep denial over it. It feel so alone.

@Nembutal dreams Being disrespected and abused by your own family is the worst cruelty because we don't chose the families we are born into and we never asked to be born. Our families are responsible for our own existence as they chose to procreate and continue the family tree.

When it comes to my death I know for a fact my relatives will be gossiping about how I was always the crazy and werird one while sending condolences to my mother. I can easily identify which ones will be doing all the gossiping. My grandmother and mother care too much what these piece of shit relatives think about them and are too weak to stand up to them.

I hate my relatives and my god I hate my mother so much for always forcing to interact with these people, never giving me the right to make my own decisions regarding a future relationship involving the family and always wanting their approval unfortunately in my family's culture family is an enormous deal.

So sorry you have an awful family too @FireFox. Nobody deserves to be treated in such a despicable way.
My mother was a narcissist and your own mother sounds like a narcissist too. These people are hideous control freaks.

 

[sleepy10]

It's always fascinating how families would rather see their suicidal loved ones suffer though life, just so they can be spared the the grief of death in the family. But they want to talk about us being selfish...

Thats a really amazing point!

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It's always fascinating how families would rather see their suicidal loved ones suffer though life, just so they can be spared the the grief of death in the family. But they want to talk about us being selfish...

It's exactly that, when they try to bargain with how much they still need you, it's about how much they need you for their own reasons.

 

[sinnerset]

I relate to your second point. I can only imagine how much worse it feels to those who were put through pain by their own relatives. The "think of your family" argument shows either lack of empathy or laziness: it is irrelevant in many cases, but easy to use. I would say the people who were to use it are those who aren't fully aware of the existence of others, only of their own (which is not a crime itself). In which case you could see it as talking to someone who thinks of you as an NPC, pretty much useless.

 

[RUPA]

well good for them to say such a thing
no family is better than toxic cruel family
so called family, parents, mother are what drives me to kill myself
they truly dont care
not a lot of ppl in the world would understand that there exist monsters in human form and they are somebody's parents and sibling

 

[Arihman]

Even if one has a loving family, it still doesn't follow that one should live for them.

That's because they have no right to your presence, and secondly, staying alive for them when you're already suicidal is not only a likely bigger sacrifice than just having to endure the pain of loss (even if it is, or can be, traumatizing), but such a sacrifice includes experiencing the pain of loss yourself. Why is it unacceptable for families to experience this suffering even though they are not suicidal, but acceptable for the suicidal person to experience whatever made him/her suicidal AND the pain of loss that would occur by not CTBing? That sounds like a double standard to me.

This is why there should be a waiting period, as it would at least mitigate the suffering of families, while also respecting the individual's right to act on his or her judgement of what life means. But anti-choicers don't want that, so we end up with:

1) suicidal people having to take greater risks, and possibly get worse if the attenpt fails, or live and resign to suffer for many years;

And/or

2) families having to suffer to a likely greater extent due to the circumstances surrounding their loved one's death;

It's basically the worst case scenario, and it's what we have now.