Discussion The things that make you happy, does it make you want to hold on a little while longer?

[HorribleFeelings1]

From family, friends, pets, hobbies, anything that puts a smile on your face, will you miss it? Does it make you want to stay or hold on just a little while longer? Ever since I entered depression, a lot of the things I love to do got ruined, and the things that didn't get ruined, isn't that enjoyable anymore, but it still makes me smile, literally relaxing in my bed is the best feeling. My friends and family make me smile. It's something that will hurt me to know once I CTB, it will hurt them. I'll miss everything and everyone dearly and it makes me want to stay a while longer but I want to CTB so bad and I'm so tired of my life and everything, how about you?? :)

 

[watereyes]

I used to watch the sunset on the railway before lockdown. Thats the kinda thing I like to do but because of the lockdown, I can't even do that! Ugh. Anyway when I go there I feel at peace and want to ctb even more. Here's a little pic..

even tho nobody cares its naisu

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

If I ctb before the end of lockdown I won't finish buying my first ever flat to have true 100% independence and I won't adopt a cat. I've wanted a cat for years and years because I love them and they make me so happy. I'd never get to experience that so I do have the 'what ifs' of choosing to stay alive.

 

[Kumachan]

nothing makes me happy anymore, things that annoy me, on the other hand, are thrice as annoying...

 

[TAW122]

In the past (like many years ago), yes it does. However, nowadays, it's very unlikely I'd stick around, even if there is (temporary) pleasure because it is transient and not worth all the mundane and continuous pain that follows for a long time to come.

 

[Donk]

nothing puts a smile on my face anymore. i wish there were things i enjoy so i can continue to do those things to keep me happy. i hate it when people ask me what my hobbies are or what makes me happy. i tell them nothing makes me happy and they act like they are shocked to hear that someone can live a life in such a apathy state. my psychiatrist loves to guilt trip me and say that part of healing comes from me. i need to put effort into the healing process. i get it...drugs arent gonna solve everything...im sorry but im at the point where i dont see myself getting out of this hole im in. i dont know what to do anymore except wait for the right moment to ctb.

 

[Finished]

Nothing makes me happy anymore matter fact everything messes with my mind even more I'm totally dead inside!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bct]

Men's fashion used to be so fascinating to me, but after depression kicks hard, it isn't as enjoyable as before.

On the other hand, foods & beverages are still enjoyable to me, yet I won't miss it when I'm going to CTB.

 

[PillowSia]

Not really. I enjoy them so much when they happen, of course, but the Hedonic treadmill is a terrible thing, and my baseline is abysmally low, so it always comes back, and I'm always aware that it will.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Nothing makes me happy anymore

 

[AlreadyGone]

Nope. I find happiness to be only temporary.

 

[Whited Sepulchre]

There's always fleeting joy. Like a nice smell or touch or even a moment.
In the end it just keeps slipping away like a faint memory you'll never be able to recall once u turn around.
The saddest thing I realized after some time, is the fact that everything and anything that made me all warm and fuzzy inside, the things that put dat frown upside down were ultimately things dat immersed me deeper into the rabbit hole the perpetrators dug. I think now being unhappy almost makes me happy. It's safe there. A real familiar feeling.
It's dat same happiness u get upon listening to sad, soul-wrenching songs when ur balling ur eyes out for who knows wut and for how long.
Happy music now just disgusts u or even worse, makes u cry even harder.

 

[Erase.myself]

The things that make me happy, don't want to make me hold on longer, because they are so temporary...for a fleeting moment I'll look at the beauty of the sun piercing through the trees and I'll smile. A bird hopping along and chirping; bright beautiful flowers. For a fleeting moment, I'll find comfort and peace. Then moments later, my heart is back to sinking and my world goes from bright to grey once again.

The nature losing its beauty. My laugh dissipated after I'd be laughing at a show with my roommates. Listening to Julien Baker and Bright Eyes....it doesn't stay. I used to love ballet and yoga and now I lack motivation to do these things that brought me joy. I used to teach Toddlers...sometimes they were the only reason I wanted to keep breathing. But I just quit my job last week because emotionally I couldn't do it anymore.

Nothing stays

 

[BPD Barbie]

Right now my Animal Crossing town is all that keeps me going. My little slice of happiness and my home away from home. Also my dogs and psychotic cat lol.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Yes, for me it's philosophy. I'm planning my suicide and live a totally empty, impoverished life, but somehow still feel I need to understand Kants Critique of pure reason before I die. This might sound pretentious or ridiculous, it surprised me as well what one can cling to to stay alive.

And then the base desires of course. Living in comfort, going on walks, camping alone on the woods, observing an ant colony over several weeks —things I have the muse to do since becoming unemployed. But sadly, my savings are running out, and I refuse to let myself be pressed into the psychiatric system and tyrannized by the job centre.

Yes, tbh, I would love life—if it wasn't so fucking hard and twisted, I would have many things to live for. But I can't change it and I cannot change myself.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Right now my Animal Crossing town is all that keeps me going. My little slice of happiness and my home away from home. Also my dogs and psychotic cat lol.

Ughh I wanna play that game so bad, right now i Just have been playing super smash bros :P

 

[Partial-Elf]

I absolutely love my hobbies (cooking, making beer) and they are one of the few things I enjoy in life. However, I wouldn't miss them because there would be no "me" to miss anything at all. Which is the whole point of suicide, isn't it? To eliminate the "I" with all its suffering and unmet needs?

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I absolutely love my hobbies (cooking, making beer) and they are one of the few things I enjoy in life. However, I wouldn't miss them because there would be no "me" to miss anything at all. Which is the whole point of suicide, isn't it? To eliminate the "I" with all its suffering and unmet needs?

That's what I think all the time but I keep forgetting about it and worry about after my death when once you die, you die, no memory , no thoughts, I wish that burned in my head so I won't miss it

 

[Rue89]

The things that make me happy don't make me as happy as they used to. There were a couple concerts I wanted to go to before I ctb, but things were getting so bad that I was considering not waiting. Now that they're postponed for who knows how long I have nothing keeping me here except the lack of alone time without my family at home.

 

[Partial-Elf]

That's what I think all the time but I keep forgetting about it and worry about after my death when once you die, you die, no memory , no thoughts, I wish that burned in my head so I won't miss it

If you enjoy them this much, they're worth living for and you're not ready to go.

 

[Tasdevil]

Nothing makes me happy anymore I am just existing not living.

 

[mediocre]

Some things I still have a little motivation to get over my health issues. I make a little money on the side and that gives me a little bit of happiness. I like to draw and create art that makes me a little happy too. But I feel it's draining from me is time goes on and I get physically weaker.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

If you enjoy them this much, they're worth living for and you're not ready to go.

No I'm not talking about the things I'm happy, I'm talking in general, the thing is I believe in the afterlife so I don't always think "of when I die, I won't be a me anymore" since I think there will be a me in the afterlife, l literally said in my post that being depressed made them less enjoyable.

 

[Partial-Elf]

No I'm not talking about the things I'm happy, I'm talking in general, the thing is I believe in the afterlife so I don't always think "of when I die, I won't be a me anymore" since I think there will be a me in the afterlife, l literally said in my post that being depressed made them less enjoyable.

Ah well... I was decently drunk so forgive me if my reading comprehension was diminished. I think this just comes down to different views on the afterlife (or lack thereof).

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. There are some things I like that make me want to stay. But ctb is always in mind.

 

[darkhorse256]

No. I feel like happiness is a temporary state of mind. It is fleeting and when I feel horrible 99% of the time, I feel like those temporary moments of happiness are not worth it.

 

[LLawliet]

The only time I don't feel completely either numb or overcome with sadness is when I'm with my boyfriend

but I can't really be with him because of the lockdown and I've been so sad and numb lately

my boyfriend says isn't depressed but he says I'm one Of the only things that makes him happy anymore so I would be scared if I killed myself, he would blame himself for it or kill himself, which is probably the only reason I haven't done it yet

 

[KuRsAnI]

I personally love to smoke hashish, but right now, i'm on psychiatric meds that can'T be mixed with hashish. I tried mixing them last November and I went to the hospital paralyzed. Honestly, I could probably cope a few more months or a few more years while smoking because I love doing the thing but I can't right now, and I love doing nothing else. So, I'm looking to ctb as soon as possible.

 

[stellabelle]

No.

I hate my life because of abuse.
Whatever "salvaged remains" are left of it.

I cannot "deal with it."

People called me "sick", but not the fucking rapist that did it.

People called me "sick" but I was never "sick", my mother was. She was a fucking sicko and so were the people who enabled her.

They called me "sick" but they wouldn't listen. They IGNORED it until it became too much to bear.

And then.

And then.

They kept dragging me around and abusing me.

So. Now what?

Oh that's right. Every fuckin sicko out there is roaming free and my life has crumbled.

(breathes out)
home.

Yeah, this fucking world is full of bad people and their bad "games" and their bad lies and their fucking bullshit. Their childish mother fucking behavior and glorifying abuse or abusers. Praise the abusers and rapists and liars and thieves woooooooo.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing that makes me feel happy. Existence is suffering. I do not know what happiness is like. There is nothing I enjoy and nothing that would ever make me want to stay. I think in my case I am held here by a lack of peaceful/reliable exit and fear of failure. There is nothing positive holding me back from ctb.