Venting The stages I go through when waking up

[ChildrensITV]

Disorientation.

Dread.

Despair.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Distraction.

Escapism.

Remembering.

And then revisiting any one of or cycling again through those stages, depending on the day and circumstance.

But I have to do it so other people don't cry. None of this life is for my benefit. I don't need it and don't want it. I have checked out mentally. I resent having family cuz if not for them, I would be posting my goodbye here. I don't know if I can live a life of waiting for a parent to die.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so awful being trapped in that situation, to me it's so horrible waking up, there certainly is too much suffering in existence.

 

[ShanaRei]

The distraction and escapism methods don't even work for me anymore

 

[Mirrory Me]

What scares you in the morning, are you in a desperate situation? I remember sometimes feeling the same way when I felt something was unsafe or ominous. It would be good if you dared to be yourself with others, they could support you.

 

[endless_pain]

To me it's like I embrace discipline every day regardless of how I feel, otherwise I would care no more about myself and this could lead to my death.
It's because I have to do it, but it is sufference every day. In the evening sometimes I feel better, but then the next day it's the same pain.

 

[dimstar]

I've been waking up from dreams talking to people only to realize their not there and it was just a dream then reality hits and takes me a good while to go through the process and get out of bed. Forever sleep sounds ideal.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I've been waking up from dreams talking to people only to realize their not there and it was just a dream then reality hits and takes me a good while to go through the process and get out of bed. Forever sleep sounds ideal.

Oh man, i get that too.. The realisation that you are infact, still alone sucks balls.

 

[adriana233]

I've been waking up from dreams talking to people only to realize their not there and it was just a dream then reality hits and takes me a good while to go through the process and get out of bed. Forever sleep sounds ideal.

Few days ago I had the same thing;

In my dream I was getting all kinds of cute decor for my new place with my bestfriend, and we were like catching up with each other. I apparently had alot of funny stories to tell her. I was laughing so much. Like genuine big laughs. It all felt so real.

I wake up, realizing I'm still in my shitty room, haven't seen my bestfriend in 2 months because I've shut everyone out, having nothing to tell anybody because I've just been in isolation wasting my time with screens and absolutely nothing to look forward to. Knowning there's no one to blame but myself.

I'm so done with the person I've become and what my live has come to.

Strongly resonate with everything OP said too.

(sorry for the random vent)

 

[dimstar]

Few days ago I had the same thing;

In my dream I was getting all kinds of cute decor for my new place with my bestfriend, and we were like catching up with each other. I apparently had alot of funny stories to tell her. I was laughing so much. Like genuine big laughs. It all felt so real.

I wake up, realizing I'm still in my shitty room, haven't seen my bestfriend in 2 months because I've shut everyone out, having nothing to tell anybody because I've just been in isolation wasting my time with screens and absolutely nothing to look forward to. Knowning there's no one to blame but myself.

I'm so done with the person I've become and what my live has come to.

Strongly resonate with everything OP said too.

(sorry for the random vent)

Nice to hear it's not just me. My dreams have been more and more bizzare/real the deeper I go into my state. I often wake up very confused and disoriented from them, something that's never happend before but now its nearly every night. It's like a few seconds of sleep paralysis and the dream and real world colliding.

 

[Source Energy]

My cycle:
Waking up with a mountain on my chest
numb sadness settles
Leaving the house, anxiety, resentment, anger, a sense of futility
Observing reality - pain surges up, full speed; deep despair; hot knives thru the heart, putting up a smile to hide it from the world
In tears literally by afternoon
calming down a little, regrouping
(false?) hope thoughts, wanting to keep trying
falling asleep with a bitter-sweet feeling

rinse and repeat

 

[warriorofeld]

Disorientation.

Dread.

Despair.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Distraction.

Escapism.

Remembering.

If I'm not at work or trying to keep up appearances I'm in bed going through the same exact thing. It's getting harder and harder to escape myself.

 

[just_so_done]

Disorientation.

Dread.

Despair.

Depression.

Anxiety.

Distraction.

Escapism.

Remembering.

And then revisiting any one of or cycling again through those stages, depending on the day and circumstance.

But I have to do it so other people don't cry. None of this life is for my benefit. I don't need it and don't want it. I have checked out mentally. I resent having family cuz if not for them, I would be posting my goodbye here. I don't know if I can live a life of waiting for a parent to die.

I don't think i've related more to a post than this. I lay in bed all day going through all of that, dealing with the constant anxiety and deprssion, hating that I opened my eyes to a new day. I'm so tired of living for others so I don't hurt them but how many years do I have to be in pain? I always said that my parents are the reason i'm still here, but I can only do it for so much longer, I just can't hold on. Thank you for sharing.