Discussion The Roots of your Misanthropy

[TAW122]

When did your distrust and dislike for humanity and mankind (in general, not necessarily at individuals or certain groups of people) start? Mine started when I was rather young. I never really had many good experiences with other people in general and most of my life, I oftenly find myself going solo (which can be a good thing in some cases; not so much in others).

So back when I was in third grade, I had someone who lied to me about trading a bag of doritos for a pokemon game (back when pokemon red/blue/yellow was popular) and I fell for it. Sure, it was my fault and I was naive (then again most kids are; I am no exception). He later of course took the doritos but never allowed me to play his game. I was upset about it. Of course, this realization came when I was much older, maybe in high school or almost college aged.

Another time was when some students in middle school were being rather dishonest and trolled me by saying that if I had only been present in class that day (long story), I'd get a candy bar and everyone that was around did. But since I wasn't present at that time of the day (whatever/why is irrelevant), I didn't get it. So the students told me, well they didn't have enough to share (which I sense is bullshit, because based on math it doesn't add up. Keep in mind I didn't have much critical thinking back then, but even so, I could sense something wrong just based on math and simple logic). Since there were let's say 25 students and 25 candy bars, but since I wasn't here, there was 24 students instead of 25, so logically and mathematically there should have been 1 candy bar left, but when I returned, there was none. So logically, it's that the teacher and the students lied and said they ran out (when in fact either the teacher ate it or just pretended there wasn't one more; hid it away, threw it away, etc.). I mean yes, a candy bar isn't really the issue here; it's the dishonesty, disingenuous, and illogical reasoning that really rubbed me the wrong way.

3rd example is when I was at church (my parents took me and my sister to church when we were kids) and there was this person who used guilt trip and shame to silence my grievances. I think you could guess what I mean, it was the "starving african children" appeal to worse problems/fallacy of relative privation. Again, as someone who is just in middle school and didn't know about logical fallacies, I still felt offended because I realized that I was being minimized, dismissed, and being invalidated (even before I knew what 'invalidation' meant). In some ways, I would say my Aspergers and autism put me ahead of others in some areas in life, but in many other areas, really hampered me. Anyways, back to the point though, I didn't take it too well and I had ill feelings towards that person. Sometime early high school my parents stopped taking us to church because they wanted me and my sister to focus on other activities but mostly academics (to get into good colleges). So with that said, yeah people who invalidate and appealed to worse problems just rubbed me the wrong way; because it's a way of them saying, "your problems are irrelevant and there are worse people out there so just sit down and shut up and appreciate what you have!"

4th example is when I was in my senior year of high school, me and my friend played a online game together and he as well as I discovered how shitty people are online. If they are given a chance to fuck others over, they will do it in a heart beat (I guess it's human nature). I had the realization at age 16-17 at the time and I just resented humanity even more and it was so bad that I just kept to myself as well as he. We both lived in our own worlds but that's another story for another time. At any rate, so in that game, there was some glitch that allowed players to attack other players in areas that aren't supposed to be pvp. We both concluded that if there was a worse glitch or exploit people would do it to fuck others' over because it was too tempting. Maybe it's just human nature and if it is, then I am rather disgusted and ashamed to be a part of the human race, further adding to my efilism, misanthropy, and wanting to CTB.

Granted these were just really mild cases, there are so many, many more instances in which things were more intense and worse, thus fueling my misanthropy towards humanity in general. Ever since then, I've always viewed humanity in a negative light. Sure, there were some instances of positive interactions with humans in general, but the positives (in my opinion and experiences) don't outweigh the negatives. I had experienced more negative outcomes than positive outcomes, some of which were my fault (so I'd accept that part), but then there are many that are out of my control.

What are your stories and when did your roots of misanthropy start?

 

[Epsilon0]

Being let down by someone close, and realizing that humans are capable of the most unspeakable acts.

Myself included.

I am not sitting on no high horse. Someone betrayed me in the most unimaginable way, but, who knows, it might have been the other way around. I learned that even the most trustworthy and noblest of people can stab you in the back, if the circumstances are just right.

I learned that humans have no moral compass. In fact we have nothing and we are nothing. We are just pure instinct and everything is a lie.

 

[Life sucks]

I can list many reasons. But I'll try to categorize stuff instead.

1-Humans are inherently hypocrites and always contradict themselves: What we view as humans is not the same as inside and thats why many use the looks to deceive each other. Actually the whole society and interaction based on lies and superficiality and its not only society but religions and many other stuff humans use or think about.

2-The hypocrisy of denying their biology and needs: It has relation to the first point. What do humans actually need? Food, sex, safety and brain chemicals which are produced in different ways. So they don't admit their needs and try to lie to themselves. Look for example how society pretend to not be a sexual on surface but many are extremely sexual from the inside. Food also is central and important and while its daily but everyone lies and not look at food as a real main target of life and instead they just think its something secondary or a side thing. Finally, why those crappy humans fight wars against each other? Because of resources which is related to food and basic needs. So instead of admitting the biological needs, they'll start wars and associate it with national, religious or ideological garbage to justify the stupidity of the fight.

3-Humans can be toxic and brutal and the roots are biological and inherent: Humans like violence and if they are hungry or their needs are not met, they'll be toxic or aggressive. If the brain system and chemicals became in negative state, it'll produce a negative and toxic result. You see how humans kill and hurt each other and some enjoy the process. Its all because of the toxic biology and biochemistry and humans are not better than other creatures. Actually, they are worse, because they can realize the shit because they are very conscious but still continue it.

4-Humans worship and almost never question the status quo: So you see how the world is shitty and how its because of human shittiness. However, the system and status quo are sacred for them and they just accept it and sugarcoat the shit. How one can't hate stupid robots that say world is fine?

5-Most of the ideologies made by humans are bs and they way they try to spread it is toxic and oppressive. Also all of them are self-contradictory and actually everything humans make is contradictory but they'll never admit it.

6- Not being able to understand or respect each other: No real freedom for any living person, they'll try to brainwash with their ideas. They don't understand the pain of each other, they don't be pro-choice for those who suffer and want to end it. They are just programmed robots.

7-They are incapable of understanding how life is shitty and bad. They'll live with illusions and lies and try to enforce it on others. Life is shitty and its better to not exist. Humans who ignore every shit of life and act like its holy gods and nature acts are one of the worst.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I guess mine started very young with the nastiness of my sister towards me (she is 10 years older than I am), then the sexual abuse began with my next door neighbour aged 6 or 7, so wasn't very old before I knew how cruel life was. My sister hurt me from a baby believe it or not in various ways but not so my parents could see or find out. Over the years been hurt, used and spat out again and again............I am a loner as cant face being hurt and treated like crap anymore, got nothing left in me to be ripped away.

 

[TAW122]

@Epsilon0 True and I recall someone or somewhere once said that humans are no more than just evolved apes that gone wrong (or something to that effect).

@Life sucks Well said, really good points and they make a lot of sense.

@Thereisnothing I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you are able to find peace someday.

 

[Aeathelina]

My overall dislike and hatred for everything started very early. I grew up in chaotic home of poverty and adults who threw their problems on me. I remember being in the 5th grade and hating everyone to the point of wishing death on them for no good reason other than that I hated them. It was a very unhealthy mindset that I don't have anymore because I turned the hate inwards.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

For me it was about 4 years ago when my car was broken into and a bunch of stuff inside was stolen (including a drawstring bag I had won in a contest and the game controllers that I had kept inside). This was before car break-ins were common where I live. Before that incident, I really used to believe in the human spirit and I always just wanted to make other people happy. Since then, I have realized that if random people were going to be so willing to hurt me like this then why should I care what happens to any one? My friends and relatives also don't take this as seriously as I do and tried to say things like how I should have been more careful which, fair point, but that really doesn't help me now. They also can't understand just how deeply this affected me and how angry I became as a result.

Granted, this incident just led to me hating people I already had thoughts to ctb before hand. Before I thought it was the selfish thing to do to keep living but now I don't care either way about what any one thinks about that. I don't care about the fates of anybody, not my friends, family, or even myself. There is someone I care about but they don't even care about me anymore and they're absolutely correct to do so.

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

I spent most of my life believing most people were basically "good". Had a terrible family, but thought it was just specifically them. Like most people in middle school/elementary I was bullied but assumed it was just that bully or those bullys, not everyone.

As a younger adult I saw a friend go through hell because she had a rare brain/spinal chord problem that no doctors wanted to fix (because money) so they told her she was an attention seeker to get her to go away or passed her from doctor to doctor, place to place, treated her terrible until she was suicidal. A pediatric doctor finally admitted what she had and said he'd operate so she wouldn't die. It already created a lot of brain damage while the other doctors were playing games because she had no insurance.

Over time, gathered a lot more friends healthcare horror stories, some ending with death. Mentally blamed it on the healthcare system instead of each doctor, though. I'm a slow learner.

Later I found out stuff because of my (then) husband's job about our government and the internet. Even then, still didn't completely get it.

When I left him for abuse, I had my first experiences with actual courtrooms. Terrifying lesson after terrifying lesson and OMG corruption - later learned corruption is normal in court and not just family court. I had my rights stripped away so I couldn't leave the area on the basis of that I ran to an abuse shelter that wasn't in my area so I was a "runner" (but it had been legal for me to do that). My ex didn't live there and I wasn't from there. Lost the job I had lined up in another state because of it, and had to live somewhere he knew I didn't want to be, which was part of the point. A punishment for trying to leave. Backed up by the courts.

My ex would travel in to town and spread rumors about me that were awful, but I didn't know he was doing it. Because of it, a lot of local people did absolutely unbearable awful things. Anyone who's seen internet bullying knows people will use massive amounts of energy and all of their abilities to hurt someone out of hate, but won't even so much as apologize if they find out later they were wrong.

II didn't find out until years later what my ex had done and why suddenly after years of being pretty well liked half a town in the middle of nowhere, where I didn't know a soul, seemed to hate me. I once tried to talk about it to a pastor who said it had to be me because otherwise it wouldn't be more than one person. He was long gone by the time I found out. It was far from the dumbest thing he said to me while I was a christian by another christian.

At least half the people harassing me tended to work at places weren't doing things ethically anyway.

Even now I want to blame it on the places they work, even though each one of them is a person who chose to participate in harmful things again and again.

There was so much corruption in that town and county I wouldn't know where to start? Medical malpractice? Mental health horror stories both mine and other peoples? Horrific school that even covered up a special needs child rape and went after the parent? (And that's only one of several stories I heard from parents).

My judge wasn't the only corrupt one and she didn't just do family court. We had another local judge who was ruling from the bench on tether Just massive massive corruption. And half the people in charge were related to each other or on boards so they could stay protected and cover for other ethical abuses. The longer I lived there, the worst things I learned and got embroiled in. I kept fighting because I thought I had rights which made it worse. It takes a while to figure out you were privileged in the past because of your income status. If people think you can afford a lawyer, they check themselves. Also if you're in a family where someone has an impressive job, you get treated differently.

The town I was forced to live in even had so much black mold they got rid of the ordinance so if you were poor they didn't have to test it and you'd just have to live with it. Doctors would refuse to talk about it. Heck, doctors would cover up each other's malpractice and records were changed after the fact. The water was brown sometimes and white others (and not white from being warm, cold water would come out of the pipes white). We got sicker and sicker between that and the multiple medications rammed down our throats. We'd never had so many useless medications before I left my ex. I wasn't on a single pill, but I just kept trusting the doctors. Over time it really screwed me up and the kids and I found out that most of them weren't even appropriate medications.

Too much corruption, even the police.

But it's where we live now, too. Different causes, different effects, but it's still corruption. Here the only proof you have a disability is the drug they force on you, so you take it or you can't get aid and will be on the street because Social Security is designed to push drugs so the politicians can pocket money from their stocks.

Unlike the last place, here it's systemic and bureaucratic and people who are trying to cut deals with each other across platforms to get ahead. Supposedly you can get lawyers to represent you but in reality nobody's going to help you. Supposedly there are organizations to help, but in reality there's a huge scam going where they call themselves "referral only" and give you a list of other places that'll help you that are also "referral only" so you waste months calling and contacting them all only to find out almost nobody actually does anything and the ones who do don't actually do what they say they do. They all get grants to run this way. Dumb. Even Disability Network is paid for by 8 grants, is listed as a business but tell the better business bureau they're not a business, they're government, and the government thinks they're a business so nobody watches over them. And who's on teh board? Same people who are on several other boards (board of education, board at Vocational Rehab, board at...), and not one of them is doing their job. They're only on those boards to look good and for the power and how is it okay to be a CEO and on the board?

The corrupt judge I had for family court was also "on several boards" and bragged about it on her website, but it was so she could control everything. She was the only judge who worked with the schools, so if you were one of her juvenile justice victims (and no, no one in my family was, but I saw the results) you were screwed. She was even on the board of a college and heard she was on the board of the corrupt mental health business (the only one to work with medicaid in miles) too. Allows them to have complete control and no one watching. It's like a horror story.

But here in the new place if you quietly shuffle off and just accept they're not going to help you, they won't actively harm you. I wish I'd done that. Learned it too late.

The worst are people willfully looking the other way and invalidating what's happening to people being jerked around by the system. To me it seems like most people are just hunky dory with the corruption and want to be positive thinkers and no think and force others to shut up.

There are very few non harmful people.

"There are worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this and most often when you do it's too late and there's nothing worse than too late" -Charles Bukowski

 

[TAW122]

@Dr Iron Arc I'm sorry to hear about your situation and agree with you in the last paragraph. You do owe it to yourself to ultimately find peace whether you decide to continue living and fighting or checking out.

@Dystopic_Momento I'm sorry that even the organizations designated to help people are corrupt and messed up. Also, I agree with you when you said how messed up the world is, my experiences have mostly been the same as well. Currently am just keeping up with appearances, pretending to have things sorted out (mainly for my own safety and to keep others' from intruding into my life - not because I like life; ultimately, I still want check out, but I need eliminate all sources of interference and possible intervention from getting in my way).

 

[listeningpost1379]

i always knew. it started before i was born. my mother is the very source of my suffering and she carries such immense trauma that even life in wartime and the collapse of two regimes were next to nothing to her. but i do not hate humans, i accept what we are and appreciate what we've achieved

 

[Dystopic_Momento]

@Dystopic_Momento I'm sorry that even the organizations designated to help people are corrupt and messed up. Also, I agree with you when you said how messed up the world is, my experiences have mostly been the same as well. Currently am just keeping up with appearances, pretending to have things sorted out (mainly for my own safety and to keep others' from intruding into my life - not because I like life; ultimately, I still want check out, but I need eliminate all sources of interference and possible intervention from getting in my way).
[/QUOTE]

After thinking overnight on it, I still think people are good. Just maybe in the countries that aren't currently overcome with this sort of bureaucracy and corruption. And even in some that are overcome like this there are still a lot of people without power who don't agree with or participate in it like the people in other countries who are protesting.
Had a dream about the corona-virus and felt so bad for the people there and realized if I thought everyone was so bad, why do I care?

For what it's worth I think your thought process and keeping up appearances is a strong one. One of the things the social/legal restrictions on openly talking about suicide robs us of is the ability to make absolute sure there's nothing else clouding our mind, and no piece of information that'd change this outcome.

Even though I'm not a gamer, I get why watching people exploit a game drives down your belief people have any sort of empathy or would feel good to hang out with.

There are enough people out there right now who are dying to have a social life with someone, anyone, non-harmful or even just mostly fun to hang out with they're creating imaginary friends. They call them "tulpas". What does it say about society when adults are spending a year meditating and creating an imaginary friend they can see and hear?

 

[TAW122]

True, this means that society has gone down to shit and will continue towards this spiral. Hopefully I won't be alive to experience how much worse society will become.

 

[Ham Commander]

I had a pretty bad time in school and growing up with people being rotten but I still thought humans were inherently good deep down and still thought that until the past few years. I've learned for sure lately though that I was wrong and not only from people I knew but total strangers too.

The past 5 years or so I've had my house broken into and like every electronic item and alot of sentimental stuff stolen, one of my cars stolen, I let someone borrow another one of my cars and they totaled it and I never got anything for it. I've let people i cared about stay at my house when they had nowhere to go and they've stolen from me and trashed my house, I've been mugged and got beat up on the street, one time I got jumped in front of my own house, and another time I had a dude hold a knife on me and made me drive him to an atm to get money out. I've lent someone hundreds of dollars and never heard from them again. My most recent ex I paid to send her to a rehab she wanted to go to and she come back and dumped me. Those are most of the worse ones I guess but theres plenty more.

Literally every person it feels like I've let into my life or tried to have any sort of relationship with has just been in it to use me as another rung on their own personal ladder to whatever they're after, friends, love interests and even professional acquaintances at work and shit. The last few years of my life have been nothing but entirely negative when it comes to people. The only positives just end up being part of some of manipulation tactic if there are any. I'm terrified of people and I have no interest in exploring what interactions might be like when there is nothing of of mine or me left to take, I do not intend to be here much longer to find out.

 

[TAW122]

I had a pretty bad time in school and growing up with people being rotten but I still thought humans were inherently good deep down and still thought that until the past few years. I've learned for sure lately though that I was wrong and not only from people I knew but total strangers too.

The past 5 years or so I've had my house broken into and like every electronic item and alot of sentimental stuff stolen, one of my cars stolen, I let someone borrow another one of my cars and they totaled it and I never got anything for it. I've let people i cared about stay at my house when they had nowhere to go and they've stolen from me and trashed my house, I've been mugged and got beat up on the street, one time I got jumped in front of my own house, and another time I had a dude hold a knife on me and made me drive him to an atm to get money out. I've lent someone hundreds of dollars and never heard from them again. My most recent ex I paid to send her to a rehab she wanted to go to and she come back and dumped me. Those are most of the worse ones I guess but theres plenty more.

Literally every person it feels like I've let into my life or tried to have any sort of relationship with has just been in it to use me as another rung on their own personal ladder to whatever they're after, friends, love interests and even professional acquaintances at work and shit. The last few years of my life have been nothing but entirely negative when it comes to people. The only positives just end up being part of some of manipulation tactic if there are any. I'm terrified of people and I have no interest in exploring what interactions might be like when there is nothing of of mine or me left to take, I do not intend to be here much longer to find out.

That is a lot of shit to go through in life and I don't blame you for being distrustful of most humans as well as disgusted at the world and humanity at large. I hope you are able to find peace and not have to suffer in the future, whatever you choose to do.

 

[TheHatedOne]

My misanthropy stems from all the bullying I received throughout school years because I was the shy and ugly one and whenever I wouldn't be ignored I'd have nasty remarks thrown at, I'd also be horribly teased. It was the worst during middle school but I received some remarks in high school too. I still remember the acid remark of a shallow bitch who walked past me in class along with someone who I used to get along well with but now was on her side ''fuck them, who would sit with them in class?'' The fact that I was never accepted among humans and I was hated on just because I exist created the dark path I'm in now.

Aside of the bullying it was also the pain that people I befriended or was in a relationship with caused me. I got traumatized out of the second relationship in my life.

I think the abuse I received from my parents also contributed a lot to it. And just growing up in a dysfunctional family.

I think I need to go cry now because I remembered horrible things.

 

[ascetic_]

At some point during my school years, I think. Being insulted by a boy whom I'd never even seen before.

Yesterday, I ventured out of my home for the first time in ages, to get a haircut. I didn't even want to be there, just wanted to get it over with. The woman who cut my hair was inexplicably hostile for some reason, and pretty much carelessly sheared through my hair in all of four minutes. Afterwards, she tried to sell me a product.

When entering places, I'm often met with these looks and attitudes as though I don't belong. Like I'm the other. Maybe I fucking am.

Am I that obvious as a strangeling? Am I that ugly, or something? Fuck's sake.

I'm always drawn back to that Rust Cohle quote, when he exhaustedly and bitterly says, "Fuck this world".

 

[Shadowplay]

I'm not misanthropic.

 

[callme]

Why would I be a philanthrope even if I could afford it? Misanthrope is free and at least makes you do interesting things.

In a busy street market, drop your cigarette from a balcony accidentally, on somebody's head.
During a black friday at a mall, go in line and when it's your turn, ask for exchanging two cents with two one cent coins.
Go to a busy McDonalds drive-in and when you must order, start reversing.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I suppose it all stems from childhood. My mother used to beat and throttle me while screaming horrible things. My Dad just ignored it and blamed me for everything.

Everyone always treated me like a loser at school because I was different. I never got directly bullied but I was definitely a loner outcast.

Nobody was forced to do these things to me, they chose to do so. Now I'm stuck with all these mental illnesses and it's their fault.

If it's one thing I know about humanity, it's that the vast majority of people are toxic. Not all, just most.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think for me, I have always been introverted and I have never liked being around other people. Ever since I was young I have found it tiring and stressful. When I was older and I had to go into education I was forced to be around people and there was many horrible people there. Over the years I have had many bad experiences with people. This made me come to the conclusion, that people are cruel, they can let us down and are capable of causing us a lot of pain. That is why I see it as better to stay away.

Other people are the cause of our suffering, as none of us chose to exist in the first place. The society takes away the peaceful methods making it difficult to ctb.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I just can't trust people. As a child I had violent, argumentative parents and an unsafe feeling in the house. Growing up my best friend would hook up with girls I liked. Talked shit about me behind my back and started untrue rumors about me. As I got older I found my college friends very shallow and flaky too. Then I had back to back relationships with women who would treat me poorly sometimes and bring out the worst in me. I'm not saying I'm an angel but I am a basically decent person. I'm not looking to have dysfunction in my life but I seem to invite it somehow. I have developed a short fuse with people because of this stuff, so as of the last 15 years or so I have been living a reclusive lifestyle, outside of 1 or 2 family members and a gf (but that is also always on the rocks). That's about all I can manage.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Too many reasons to list, but one of them involved being wrongfully placed into special ed in primary school and being treated like shit for it. Even when I got out, was still treated as the 'crazy' kid in middle school.