Venting The Road to Catch the Bus

[Last Caress]

Good evening everybody,

I want to share with you guys my situation. It's kinda awkward but I know some of you are in the same.
I decided to give up and catch the bus on 16th, after months of thinking. On 17th, I was supposed to be working but I didn't go, I just tried to relax and enjoy my last days. Everyone was like calling and texting me because I am missing from work and they believe something happened to me.

The next day I bought 1,4 L of 40% vodka to try to poison myself, and drank it in like 2 hours, but I was just feeling sick. Didn't work.

I got a message from a mate on 20th, asking about me, and I replied with something like "I am ok, we'll talk when I'll feel better".
My boyfriend asked to stay with me for a day, and I just could not refuse him, so on 22th I was with him until 23th.

In those days, I just deleted every social media, paid everything except my phone bill and cleaned my home.

I am sitting here alone, no job and thinking about how miserable everything is. Like, if I change my mind, how am I suppose to go back to my job? Everyone is going to be so angry, especially my boss, who texted me like 100 times to answer his calls. Can't get a new job since I didn't officially left the other one, and I am not able to return there.

Now I am here, thinking about the method I will ctb with, and how fool I could be to not just do it!

Sorry if this text doesn't make sense for you, it's just I had to tell someone. Also, some people may not do the same mistake I did..

Thank you for hearing me,
Last Caress.

 

[LivingToLong]

I don't think anyone here can answer you about the job situation. Only your boss can give you an answer. Ask him. Say you're sorry but you had a personal crisis (or something like that) If you were a good employee, he will not want to try and find replacement for you. That's work and expense for him, so that is to your advantage. But you won't know until you speak to him.

That's the easy question to comment on though. I guess that getting your job back will not stop you wanting to cbt.

 

[Last Caress]

I don't think anyone here can answer you about the job situation. Only your boss can give you an answer. Ask him. Say you're sorry but you had a personal crisis (or something like that) If you were a good employee, he will not want to try and find replacement for you. That's work and expense for him, so that is to your advantage. But you won't know until you speak to him.

That's the easy question to comment on though. I guess that getting your job back will not stop you wanting to cbt.

It's easy in theory but, I don't have enough strength to talk to him, it's a difficult person and I am kind of scared. And there are my other tons of mates who's reactions will be most likely unprecedented.

 

[LivingToLong]

It's easy in theory but, I don't have enough strength to talk to him, it's a difficult person and I am kind of scared.

Don't do it then, you don't have to, everything is your choice. I understand that you don't have the strength - there are many things that I don't do simply because I don't like confrontations. You sometimes have to decide what is best for you and then move on to the next thing in your life. It obviously wasn't your job that made you want to cbt, otherwise you wouldn't think of going back. Perhaps there is something more worrying for you?

 

[Last Caress]

Don't do it then, you don't have to, everything is your choice. I understand that you don't have the strength - there are many things that I don't do simply because I don't like confrontations. You sometimes have to decide what is best for you and then move on to the next thing in your life. It obviously wasn't your job that made you want to cbt, otherwise you wouldn't think of going back. Perhaps there is something more worrying for you?

Not really, that thing with the job is worrying me right now.

 

[LivingToLong]

Not really, that thing with the job is worrying me right now.

I know this is easy for me to say but 'forget it, move on'. I know it's not that simple in reality but if you don't want to speak to him (and you don't have to if you don't want to) then you have few other options. Speak to your friends about finding another job. They may be able to help you. Also, dealing with problems on your own is very difficult, speaking to people makes it a little bit easier.